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  • Advice needed!

    Hi, I've been a member here for some time but just don't seem to get the time to pop in & chat.

    Anyway my latest issues is with my 2y.o. He doesn't listen to me at all during the day when it's just us at home, (no exaggeration) I can scream and yell until I have no voice left and he still ignores me, his dad can walk in and he's a totally different kid, he'll listen to both of us and 75% of the time do as he's told.

    I'm at my wits end I've tried everything from using a time out spot to shutting him in his room but nothing works. If he doesn't get his way straight away he will hit, kick, punch or slap me.

    I'm currently nearly 30wks pregga's with bub #2 and am worried about what he'll be like once bubs is born especially towards bub more so than me.

    Any ideas on how to deal with this would be a great help.

  • #2
    I have found that when DS is being stubborn and isn't listening, I will make him listen.

    He can be silly, but if I have asked him to stop doing something he knows he isn't allowed to do, I give him two asks and then go and remove him.

    If he throws a toy, its taken away.

    He has only hit me a few times but I have also made it clear that it is not acceptable and again removed him from the situation.

    I would say that if you come up against more conflict with him, tell him (not yelling) what it is he needs to do or stop doing and then once more, a bit more stern but not yelling then either and then make it happen for him if he chooses not to.
    If he does do what you ask, be sure to give him a little thank-you.


    • #3
      When my boys were 2... and even now sometimes.., if they don't listen the first coule of times I pick them up, put them on my lap facing me... tell them I need to see their eyes so I know they're listening... then once I have eye contact I repeat the instruction.

      I do suggest though, that if it's something like cleaning up or getting ready to go somewhere you get a much better response from a light cheery "come on, lets get ready. Do you want to wash your face, or put your shoes on first?"

      "let's clean up! do you want to pick up your lego or your cars first?"


      • #4
        They do not call it the terrible twos for nothing! He is testing your boundaries and you need to tell him exactly where they are to avoid confusion 'If you do 'this behaviour' it will cause 'this reaction' and that would make you feel 'like this' - let him realise that he is responsible for how he feels and that his actions cause a reaction in those around him.

        Let him see that there is choice - like OJandMe said - so that he can still have his independance and so he can choose for himself what he wants.

        As NibbleCurlynBun said - make sure he is listening! Two year olds have alot on their little minds and sometimes they are so self absorbed that they really just do no comprehend what you are saying. Do what you need to do to know that he is listening - I like eye contact and will walk up and hold a hand and wait for their eye contact if need be.

        You only need to make small changes at your pace to change something like this - don't rush, life is a process and in constant change ---- so while a new baby coming into the house is a big change, so are other things happening that you just don't notice yet ---- sometimes we can work hard and fast until we reach our goal and other times slow and steady win the race.

        There is no wrong way to do this, but you do need to really think about what sort of behaviour from you will get you what you want out of your child as well as being the sort of behaviour that makes you happy. This is your life too so make sure you do things that you enjoy doing or you just wont stick at them long term. Think about how you want to talk to them when they are fellow adults - then see how you can do the same thing but in simple words that they can understand. Even if they do not understand all the words you say at this age, they will understand your body language, your voice tone and your facial expression.

        You also must point out to him what he will get if he does the correct behaviour 'If you do 'this behaviour' it makes my face do this' scrunch your face into a scowl, 'but if you try your best with this then it will make my face do this' have a super big smile - then say 'See if you can make my face have a big smile'. Then if he does the right thing do an over the top wonderful smile and give him lots of praise and love. Then say 'Oh look when you do this 'wonderful behaviour' it makes you smile too, come and have a look how big our smiles are in the mirror ---- I am so glad that you are happy, because I am too'.

        Re: the hitting/slapping/punching - this is not on... imagine him doing this at 20 - what would you say to him then? How would this make you feel at this age? Convert this down to something a two year old can understand. Firstly I would say 'Why are you hitting?' listen to him and give him some ideas on how he could react differently for a different reaction from you 'Instead if hitting because you feel cross you could talk to me about why you are feeling cross --- or --- I can see why you are feeling cross about this but *give explanation of why you are feeling cross*' if the negative behaviour continues 'If you hit, then 'this priviledge' will be taken away from you and you will have to play by yourself for 2 minutes or you could stop hitting and instead we could read a story together'.

        This is about developing a relationship together - if he doesn't understand what you are telling him at the moment, try a different way, it may take 2 weeks to see a fantastic result or difference but all your efforts and time will be well worth it. Communication is the key - listen to how he feels, explain how you feel, give him a choice on how what action he can take - then be consistant with either discipline or reward.

        The two's are a hard stage but it does pass

        Congratulations on your new baby coming

        Enjoy your family.


        • #5
          Thanks for the ideas & suggestions girls.

          I know he's just being a normal 2 y.o and testing the limits & boundaries etc but I'm just lost as to what else to try.

          It's hard for me to sit down and get him to tell me whats wrong as he's still not talking. Well not at the rate he should be. He has the speech development of a 12 - 18 month old. At the moment he can say maybe 12-15 words but rarely uses them.

          I've tried the time out thing, placing a chair in the kitchen away from tv & toys (our house is really tiny) but it doesn't seem to work. a) he wont sit still for longer than a minute (even when eating, he'll only sit for a minute or 2 at most then get up do something else) & b) he just continues with whatever behaviour he was doing to get placed in time out.

          I've tried changing the tone in my voice but that doesn't seem to change anything and as for taking toys away he barely has any left as they are all sitting in our spare room (soon to be bubs room) many of them have been there for some time. He gets his toys taken off him if he doesn't listen & continues playing or if he throws them etc but he doesn't seem to worried about that. If he has 2 - 3 days where he doesn't get any toys taken off him then he gets to have 1 back.


          • #6
            I really do feel for you as I have been in the same boat.
            My 2 yro has also a speech delay and does not say many words which is hard as you cant ask them why they are doing something or how they feel.

            I have found that my 2yro goes through stages of being lovely then being a nightmare! I have found that positive attention and keeping him entertained helps and being very consistant when they do something bad such as hitting.

            I use the naughty spot and most times it works but sometimes he will not stay and I have to put him in his room.

            I also find that the more stressed you get the more you tend to shout and get mad which in turn makes them worse.

            Im also 27 weeks pg so I know how hard it is having to deal with this behaviour as well as being pg.

            Good luck and try to stay calm but be consistant


            • #7
              My son is almost 2 1/2 years old and has just started being extremely disobedient in the last week. I have a 6 month old daughter and it is so tiring. I just don't know what to do either
              The only thing I have found that works so far is telling him no and then distracting him with something else. Sorry I couldn't be much help


              • #8
                I have no idea of your personal situation except what you have told us here, but Oliver can be terrible too.

                I have found lately that removing TV, and junk foods from his diet have seemed to make quite a difference. I spent all my time trying to stimulate his mind though, its very draining on me, but he does seem to be better behaved.

                I was starting to wonder if maybe its not just that he is bored and hungry (in my case) not sure if that could help you too?