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i just dont feel right

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  • i just dont feel right

    after a long terrible 18 months i found out i was pregnant DH and i were planning on having a baby for the past four years but a year ago i decided i definetly didnt want any more kids as i allready have three teenagers.

    ever since i found out i was pregnant i have felt terrible i cant get used to the idea of having a baby and even though i thought i would after i got used to the idea .

    i cant sleep , im allways stressed and when i get up in the morning the first thing i think about it why the hell am i having a baby for at this stage of my life.

    as the pregnancy progresses i am getting more stressed , im scared of birth of having to look after a baby and losing the bit of freedom i have now .

    i have gotten to the point where i gave a lot of thought to having an abortion because i just dont think i can love this child no matter how hard i am trying .

    i keep telling myself it will be ok and try to think positive thoughts but it doesnt make any difference.

    is there anything i can do to get past this and be able to bond with the baby , i feel if this doesnt happen very soon it never will.

    i hope you have some ideas for me

  • #2
    Dear Jazzed
    Thank you for your brave post. Many women who experience the fear you have described are too afraid to talk about it for fear others wont understand. I have a very close relationship with someone who went through a similar experience - many years ago now, she seriously considered abortion but it would have been in opposition to her husband's feelings so she went ahead and had the baby. She experienced postnatal depression and thought many times as the child grew up about what life would have been like if she hadn't had him... Today, in addition to her other children, she has an adult son who is loving, generous and lots of fun to be around. He contributes to the well being of the whole family by looking after his mothers' mother (he lives next door to her) and manages a rental property for her while she travels around Australia in her camper van. The moral of this story is that things - whatever you choose - tend to work out just the way they need to. I have no way of knowing who your little bub might turn out to be or what amazing things they might do in life, but please know that if you choose to continue the pregnancy the benefits and rewards for doing so will eventually outweigh the current freedoms you will give up.
    I am wondering if you might seek face-to-face help to rule out possible antenatal depression? It would be very understandable under the circumstances if this were the case and seeking help during the pregnancy will greatly increase your ability to cope after the birth.
    re the fear of birth itself - please have a look at and if you like the look of it please send me an email through the website and I would be very happy to help you in anyway I can - alternately speak with your midwife about your feelings and ask what sort of birthing preparation they suggest.
    It is hard to think positive thoughts when there are underlying beliefs feeding your mood and it is hard for me to address these beliefs without a more personal and private conversation - but know that through some basic cognitive therapy techniques it is possible for these feelings to subside and even disappear.
    In addition it would probably be worthwhile to try some pregnancy yoga, massage, aqua aerobics and learn a couple of easy relaxation techniques (or get a CD to work with) - if you email me I am happy to help you with some suggestions for relaxation techniques.
    I am sorry that this message isn't able to be more helpful, you have described some big, important issues in your life and I am afraid I just can't do them the justice they deserve in this forum.
    I hope to hear from you
    best wishes