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Worried about supporting myself

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  • Worried about supporting myself

    Hi, i am 38 and dont live with my boyfriend. He has no job (losed it 2 weeks ago) and needs surgery. Also he lives with his Dad who needs his support. I live in a share house about 70 mins away. My job needs me to live in my current area.

    I am 6 weeks pregnant (scan was good) and i had a miscarriage at 8 weeks at the beginning of year. I feel so alone and scared about having to move to be with my boyfriend, what people will think (i am Christian) and i dont know i thing about having a baby or being a mother.


  • #2
    I'm christian, I go to church every sunday with my son, some people judged me but most helped and supported me.
    I'm male so I don't know if the experience is different, but one way or the other you will be okay and will find a way.


    • #3
      Once you book into a hospital, public I think is from 12 weeks on, speak to your midwife. There should be some sort of support for you, parenting classes and or groups or a support person even that you could access. In the mean time if you’re not booked into the hospital you could speak to your GP doctor.

      As for church, most non denominational churches are likely to be supportive of you despite the situation. Maybe you know of a female in the leadership of your church you could confide in? Preferably a mother? I was raised in church and still consider myself Christian, I know where you’re coming from.

      I hope your own family or close friends are able to support you as well during this time. It sounds as if you’re giving a lot of support to your boyfriend but you will need emotional support for yourself too.


      • #4
        Well if you think about it Jesus was illegitimate, so anyone judging you needs to go re-read the Bible!
        Be brave be strong, do what works for you and your baby.
        "This too, shall pass."


        • #5
          I don't think they would be very good Christians if they weren't kind to you and if probably tell them that too.

          Having a baby always shows you who really cares anyway. Those that care will really be there for you. I also found having kids helped me make new friends.


          • #6
            i assume your bf is the bio dad? have you told him about the pregnancy?

            i guess as others have said, those who truly care and are good people will reveal themselves in this time of need.
            assuming your bf is the father and intends on sticking around, he will need to get another job once he’s able to and move closer to you. if he intends on being with you and co parenting your baby with you, he might need to find alternative supports for his dad.


            • #7
              My bf is the father. He knows and is supportive as he can be. His dad has mental health and heart issues that are not bad enough to be on a support pension but he doesnt look after himself so my boyfriend needs to.

              It is worry: i am not sleeping well. Tried all the time. But no morning sickness thou. Sometimes i think i am not pregnant . Then i remember that there baby growing in me and it scaries me so much.

              I am met to give up my job and move closer to him because i cant stay at my share house with a baby.

              And the pain. Is it mean to hurt so much in my lower abdomen? I will talk to my dr about it tomorrow.

              Dont get me wrong. I love my bf and this little one but sometimes I feel like it would be better or happier without them.


              • #8
                sorry you find yourself conflicted. do you want this baby? it’s a perfectly valid choice if you don’t and choose to terminate. likewise, if it’s what you want then you’ll do what you need to make this work. i do agree a baby in a share house is not an option. what mental health issues does his dad have?


                • #9
                  There is a heart beat therefore life so i cant have an abortion. But i cant go on like this. I keep thinking it would be good if i had a miscarriage. Some of my house mates (the females) know something is wrong with me. I am forgetting to do clean up and stuff. I am not my happy bubby self (direct quote).

                  My bf dad has borderline personality disorder. Which is like stepping on egg shells.

                  Thanks for the support.


                  • #10
                    what do you and your bf both do for work? it’s fine if you wish to keep the baby but it sounds as though you’re hoping for it to all disappear, in which case i question why a termination isn’t an option. certainly it’s easier than caring for an unexpected and unwanted child. your circumstances sound transient and unstable. moving into your bf’s house doesn’t sound possible due to the father’s mental health issues. your bf is prioritizing his father’s issues over the needs of his potential child. it all just sounds less than ideal. unless something drastic changes i would think on the decision a bit more. obviously it’s your call but i wouldn’t be keen to bring a baby into the world if my situation was so limited.


                    • #11
                      hi 38andscared. You have many things to deal with. I wonder if you can sort out what you need and your main priorities are, then start at that. It seems to me that you need to have a secure place to live, a job or access to some income, and to have plans for how and where you want to birth your baby, and where you will be living once baby is here. I think if you give too much concern to your boyfriend and his family issues, you will be just overwhelmed. If the relationship with the boyfriend is able to reach a point where he can support you and you can make a go of it, then that will be great. but in the mean time, you need more help than he can possibly give you. Good luck, marie.


                      • #12
                        It’s completely natural to be scared... as my OBGYN said at my first appointment when I said I was a little anxious, you will have that feeling for the rest of your life, be worried about your child and doing right by them, but with that scared feeling comes the greatest joy and love you will ever know. She was 100% right. That being said having and raising a baby is life changing commitment and if you are unsure about parenting, there are options. For example adoption is an option. Also as far as I know all adoptions are open these days, meaning you can still get updates, reassurance your child is well cared for. Is there a cousellor you can talk to explain options but also support available