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  • Conflicted

    I'm not sure if this is the right section to post this in but there isn't any general relationships section.

    So, GF and I have been together now for 2 years, for a while now she's been talking about wanting to move in with me, she started talking about the idea a year ago.

    Life for son and I is stable atm we don't have any problems or complications in life short of some medical issues, but those are under control.

    I love my GF a lot, she helps me a lot with my son and respects the decisions I make for him even if she doesn't agree.

    I don't know what is stopping me from asking her to move in with us, I know she is starting to get impatient about it, as it is she spends 2-3 nights a week which I love and so does kiddo.
    The relationship we have is good we sometimes disagree but we settle it pretty quickly, she is tolerant of my hearing issues, though she sometimes gets frustrated if I do not want to wear my audio processors at home (I like to have them off for at least 12 hours).

    I have a feeling I am being unfair to her, but I'm not ready to say yes to her moving in yet.

    I don't know what I hope to accomplish by posting this here, hearing others experiences would be helpful.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Mason98 View Post
    I'm not sure if this is the right section to post this in but there isn't any general relationships section.

    So, GF and I have been together now for 2 years, for a while now she's been talking about wanting to move in with me, she started talking about the idea a year ago.

    Life for son and I is stable atm we don't have any problems or complications in life short of some medical issues, but those are under control.

    I love my GF a lot, she helps me a lot with my son and respects the decisions I make for him even if she doesn't agree.

    I don't know what is stopping me from asking her to move in with us, I know she is starting to get impatient about it, as it is she spends 2-3 nights a week which I love and so does kiddo.
    The relationship we have is good we sometimes disagree but we settle it pretty quickly, she is tolerant of my hearing issues, though she sometimes gets frustrated if I do not want to wear my audio processors at home (I like to have them off for at least 12 hours).

    I have a feeling I am being unfair to her, but I'm not ready to say yes to her moving in yet.

    I don't know what I hope to accomplish by posting this here, hearing others experiences would be helpful.
    Hi [emoji4]

    If you’ve been together 2 years & she’s already in your sons life I understand why she’d be pretty keen to move in. I understand that it would be a change for your son but if he gets along with her that could be managed by still make time for just you & him. I’m wondering if maybe her moving in changes her from GF to stepmom & perhaps that feels quite serious to you which is causing hesitation?

    Comment


    • #3
      In terms of a lifetime together, 2 years isn’t all that long!
      Don’t get me wrong, I can understand why she might want to move in - she loves you, she loves your son, she’s there a lot anyway.
      But it’s not always that simple, especially when kids are involved.
      If you are not ready then listen to that. Don’t ignore it or feel pushed into something you feel you’re not ready for.
      The last thing you want is to go ahead knowing it’s not something you’re comfortable with, and then possibly having it all fall apart.

      Can you have a discussion with your girlfriend that is loving and reassuring - letting her know you are committed to her and your relationship, but that at this point you’d prefer things to remain as they are.
      I also think before deciding to move in you need to have those adult conversations about finances, childcare, each other’s expectations on the distribution of housework / gardening. None of which is romantic but it can set expectations early.

      Comment


      • #4
        You have every right to feel the way you do - don’t feel bad. Follow your gut. Just because you might not be ready now, doesn’t mean you won’t in the future.

        Like suggested above, have an honest, loving chat to reassure her. No one should ever be pressured into big life changes and especially when you’re a parent, you’ve got more than just you to think about.

        Comment


        • #5
          I agree, you are allowed to feel unsure about moving your relationship to the next level. It is a sign of your maturity and that you take your responsibilities to your son seriously. I think there needs to be deep conversation about all the changes that will be necessary for you to start living together. Even though she stays over a few nights every week, that is not the same as doing the laundry and cleaning the toilet every week. Serious conversations need to happen first. marie

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          • #6
            Thing is none of this is about my son, I think it's more about me and not wanting to make changes that might eventually complicate life.
            I know she will be good for him if she moves in and if anything will benefit him a lot, she's the closest thing he really has to someone that is mum, even though he sees his mother randomly.

            Comment


            • #7
              I think it’s great that you acknowledge this isn’t really about your son. Because you can’t make relationship decisions purely based on what’s good for kids (IMHO).
              You have to be happy and secure and excited about the decision too. And it sounds like right now you’re not. So have a conversation with her about your commitment to the relationship and her and that you’re not saying never, you’re just saying you’re not ready yet.

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              • #8
                I’ll add that if you do Decide to move forward and all move in together you should tell your ds mum. Even though you have said he doesn’t see her that much I feel it would be the right thing to do and also ds will need to be spoken to and what he may eventually call her......Mum.......it’s on the cards and his Bio mum should be told of that to. Having a mixed family can be a huge deal and I know where your coming from in every way. It took me 6 years to let someone else live in my house

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                • #9
                  After Cassius went to bed last night, I talked to her she just listened to me, she didn't say anything. After I finished 10 minutes after she said she wanted to go and left.
                  I've tried to text her this morning on whatsapp, shes turned or phone off or blocked me messages arent getting to her phone.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Mason98 View Post
                    After Cassius went to bed last night, I talked to her she just listened to me, she didn't say anything. After I finished 10 minutes after she said she wanted to go and left.
                    I've tried to text her this morning on whatsapp, shes turned or phone off or blocked me messages arent getting to her phone.
                    What did you say to her?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Mum-I-Am View Post
                      What did you say to her?
                      I told her I love her, and that I want things to stay the same as they have been and not move in with us for now but maybe one day but I don't know when.

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                      • #12
                        Tbh it sounds like she was disappointed and upset.
                        But... if her way to react to a mature discussion is to flounce out and then ignore messages, I think you’ve done the right thing.

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                        • #13
                          She might just need some time to process.

                          Did you tell her why you want things to stay the same? That might help.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Mamasupial View Post
                            She might just need some time to process.

                            Did you tell her why you want things to stay the same? That might help.
                            I didn't, but she didn't ask either and I'm not sure I fully know why either.

                            I still haven't heard from her

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I agree with [MENTION=150674]Mod-LIKE A BOSS[/MENTION] while she may be disappointed she isn’t handling things very well.

                              Such a shame but good on you for being honest.

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