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Feeling Alone...TTC, First Time Mum

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  • Feeling Alone...TTC, First Time Mum

    Hi everyone,
    31st October my fiance and I decided we would love to start a family together officially.
    We have talked about it on and off for the past year, saying that maybe in a few years from now we will talk about having a family together. But now it seems those few years have come early for us, and we both feel like we're extremely ready now.

    We have told both sides of the families that we are TTC, and my fiance's parents are not happy.
    They seem to think we aren't ready, we aren't financially stable enough...etc.etc.
    They've made it into a huge drama, and its upsetting.
    His dad said to us "this is unbelieable.... In a bad way. I don't say things very often and Im a pretty down to earth guy...but this is just ****ing stupid."

    Least to say, we were both just gob smacked and my jaw hit the ground.
    His mother also has expressed her opinions saying to my fiance she isn't happy with the idea.

    It's hurtful.

    I like to see them as my future in-laws, and I didn't expect them to react the way they have.
    My fiance already has a 5 year old daughter from a previous marriage, and obviously they love her to pieces, and his sister is pregnant at the moment, and they are really happy for her and her husband.

    As a first time (soon to be) mum, and having no family here in this state (my family live interstate), I feel very alone right now.... I feel like I have no support and it hurts me to think that when we do concieve, nobody will be happy about it.... And especially, not the family that are close by.

    We had a family dinner tonight, and everyone was talking about my fiances sister's baby, and I found myself having to leave the room and I was very quiet all night, not really speaking to anyone, because I felt awkward being there... I felt awkward even going to his parents house, because of the way his parents spoke to us only days ago and today was the first day we have seen them since we had a blow out about having a baby.

    I don't know how to feel about it all, I just feel saddened that this has happened, and all I want to do is include his parents and be excited.

    I just feel like they've taken the excitement away....and I hate that.

  • #2
    I'm sorry to hear this is the case.
    We kept it secret that we were TTC as my in-laws probably would have reacted the same. We were quite financially unstable at the time, we still are but we are slowly working towards becoming debt free.

    The way I see it, is we could have been miserable while we scraped and saved every penny, and finally ten years down the track be financially stable yet possibly find out we are too old to have kids etc.

    Or we could TTC our first, still save every penny while having a beautiful bubba to share our life with. And if it didn't work we would know for future that we would need help conceiving.

    So that's what we did. Little bub came along and changed our lives for the better, we have had the happiest year.

    It's not fair that your in laws get to judge your decisions like this and I'm sorry they have made you upset.

    As long as you and your fiance are on the same page then at the end of the day no one else matters.


    • #3
      It's hard but you make it work, second hand baby furniture, bare minimum in terms of gadgets and things, just keep it simple. My experience with public hospital birthing was fabulous as was the care throughout my whole pregnancy and we didn't pay a cent.
      My baby shower we were gifted many things we needed.
      We have sold many unused items eg clothes to buy the next size up as she grows. I had the 18weeks PPL then straight back to work 3days a week.

      You can make it work, don't listen to the old grumps! xx


      • #4
        Hi OP, can you clarify if you are pregnant?

        If not I can understand why they were making a big deal of your SIL and not you. I wouldn’t take that to heart.

        If you have only just mentioned that you are TTC I wouldn’t stress too much about their reaction just yet. They have a long time to work through their thoughts and issues. Also you might find that they come around to the idea more when there is an actual baby.


        • #5
          Maybe they think you're trying to steal your SIL's limelight.
          I do understand exactly what you mean though, my first child I was 23, had even been married for 3 years, but NOBODY was 'happy' when we got pregnant because we were renting, and my husband only just got a new job. My mother didnt speak to me for 6 months! I even had to give my daughter my MIL's name as a middle name JUST to get someone on side!! It hurts when it feels like nobody is excited. A baby is always exciting.
          "This too, shall pass."


          • #6
            thank you all for the lovely replies, you all put things a little more into perspective for me. Just knowing there are other people out there that are going / have gone through the same things if not similar, is strangely comforting, in the fact that I now don't feel too alone now, and have some people to talk to on the matter. It's absolutely a difficult thing to go through at the moment, but I am wanting to remain optimistic.... I am hopeful his parents come around soon with their mindset and be happier for us, its just a shock reaction that neither of us imagined would happen.

            We know that we are absolutely ready for this... and that is really all that matters.


            • #7
              Feeling Alone...TTC, First Time Mum

              Last edited by Emma1217; 15-11-2018, 16:43.