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  • Marriage problems

    Married for 10 years and 2 kids - husband has told me he’s not in love with me
    he hasn’t left and is not sure what to do
    i want to make it work and have started the steps to making life better but don’t know if I can honestly do it
    hes a good man and we’ve had a rough few years with deaths and finances but I can’t wrsp my head around just not loving your spouse anymore! I know I can bring it back I just have moments of sheer loneliness and hurt

    i don’t know what I’m asking exactly but just reaching out!

    thanks

  • #2
    Sorry to hear [MENTION=44643]lilbird[/MENTION]. I can't imagine what you must be feeling but just wanted to lend you my ear if you need it. Do you have a good friend you can confide in? Someone who won't judge either of you and will give you support? I would suggest talking to your DH and asking him if he's open to counselling/working things out. Sending you courage and strength to help you get through this.

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    • #3
      Marriage problems

      I’m also sorry [MENTION=44643]lilbird[/MENTION] - it must’ve been so deeply disturbing and disappointing to hear your partner say that to you.

      I have witnessed a dear friend go through this and make it out the other side in tact.

      It was sort of a midlife crisis for him feeling like he’d been in the shadows for most of their relationship-he felt resentful.

      Anyway, through counselling they worked through it but my dear friend was gutted, felt empty and questioned the previous 10 years of her marriage. She had to rebuild trust and believe in the process too.

      I send you all the best, there are good signs in that it seems like there’s no one else and he hasn’t rushed to move out.

      Hang in there [emoji256][emoji120][emoji256][emoji120]

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      • #4
        I'm sorry you're in this situation OP That must have been heartbreaking to hear him say that.

        Did he explain or elaborate on the reasons he feels this way? I would be concerned there is another woman to be honest.

        Do you think he'd agree to some marriage counselling?

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        • #5
          They are heartbreaking words to hear Op.
          I heard them 11 months ago and my marriage ended 8 months ago.
          In my situation there had been ongoing infidelity and lying throughout our relationship. The extent of which I will never know.
          Our situations are likely very different but I wanted you to know, from someone who heard those words, that you can’t make him work on it, you can’t always change his mind, but if there is to be hope, I recommend some counselling on your own first to work out what you really want and what you’re prepared to do, and put up with, to work through this.
          Counselling together is also important. But don’t get caught up in saving your marriage at all costs if that means ignoring your self worth and values.
          Provide an environment where your DH can express how he’s feeling safely. It might hurt a lot to hear it. But it is important.

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