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TTC and feels like DH just sperm donor

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  • TTC and feels like DH just sperm donor

    Hi all. I'm new here. We've been trying for a few months. I get excited about the thought of getting pregnant but it's like my husband is just the sperm donor. He doesn't seem to care about it at all and after much prodding tonight he said he didn't want to hope in case it leads to disappointment (I have endometriosis. TTC might not work). I know this is his defence mechanism, to be emotionally removed from it all. My Mum said my Dad (RIP) was that way too when it came to this and I did not marry my father! I just feel so alone and lost in this all. Even though we've been talking about doing this for over a year and decided to try this year, he said it's still a shock to be doing it. I had 2 miscarriages before I met him and he has a son to a previous marriage and lives in another state. Is it so wrong for me to want to share this journey with my partner? How can I explain this to him so that he understands there's nothing wrong with hoping, as long as you're strong enough to cope with disappointment and move on?

  • #2
    You know, I think when sex becomes all about making the babies, it can really lose appeal for everyone involved.

    Sex needs to be about intimacy and love - and pleasure and a rollicking good time! To be anything less than that DOES sort of reduce the men involved to sperm donors. They're not circus animals that can be commanded to perform on-cue, you know (that sounded really condescending, sorry, it's late, I'm tired and I can't think of another way to put it at the moment).

    I guess what I'm trying to say is maybe if you can put the TTC aspects of your sex life to the background, and bring the connection, love, intimacy, fun, spontaneity and mutual pleasure back to the foreground - that perhaps the spark for your sex life will be reignited in your DH.

    Good luck


    • #3
      I guess I need him to want it to happen like I do. We've been through the pressure of BD and now just trying to think of it as sex, but he just wants the sex without any thought of making a baby, whereas I need to talk about how exciting it is. He is emotionally detached from it. I want to talk about us being parents together and he won't. I feel lonely in my own marriage and this should be an exciting time for more than just one of us.