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The past is preventing me bonding with baby

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  • The past is preventing me bonding with baby

    Hi there,
    I am new to this forum, so hopefully there are others out there who feel the same and can share their advice/wisdom and support.

    My husband and I are expecting our first child this November; both of us have longed for a child and sadly experienced two miscarriage before our little miracle came along. However, the joy and excitement of becoming parents soon is, for me, hampered by my inability to let go of the past...

    Two years ago, my husband had an affair which lasted a year. This affair continued whilst I was pregnant first time, including whilst I was miscarrying and having medical/surgical management in hospital (he saw HER for coffee in the morning whilst I was in hospital). I only learnt about his affair in April 2016 when he disclosed it to me; he wanted to have a future with me and felt he could not if he kept this secret.

    Naturally, this totally devastated my world and I believe contributed to the second miscarriage. We decided to quite our jobs, sell the house and move the other side of the world to try and start again. However, I feel unable to let go and open my heart to him or our baby, which really upsets me. I have put an armoured wall around my heart because of him, which means that I feel numb and unable to experience love or joy in anything.

    I know that work needs to be done on forgiveness and letting go if I want to feel joy again, but my mind constantly compares myself to her and things my husband said/did to/with her. It is like my mind is obsessed with the past and unable to look to the future. I am seeking the help of a therapist with my husband, but I am so scared that my numbness will have a negative impact on bonding with my baby both now and when she is born.

    I hope someone can give me some advice, support or had similar experiences they have got through.


  • #2
    Hello mate. I'm sorry to read that you are feeling like this; but please understand that's it totally normal. I think the very first thing you should do today is go and see a GP and ask for a mental health plan. (bare with me here). It doesn't mean you're crazy I promise! This plan allows you to have ten sessions with a professional counsellor for half the price you'd normally pay.

    Please make an appointment to go and talk to someone. You have ALOT of issues to work through - all very valid - and even though it feels daunting right now, you should start today.

    Best of luck resolving these feelings. Xx


    • #3
      The past is preventing me bonding with baby

      Last edited by Charlie74; 14-01-2020, 22:10.