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My pregnancy is holding me back.

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  • #76
    When I was a teen I swallowed a heap of pills in a effort to die but all it did was make me really sick so I have been to the low point in depression and trust me I am so glad it didn't work because it does get better you just have to take it minute by minute and eventually things will get easier that you can take it hour by hour then day by day and so on. My MIL was a horrible woman who was emotionally and something physically to her children when they were young then used emotional abuse on them as adults. For DH's sake I use to just turn the other cheek, one day she actually told my DD I was a horrible Mummy and to call her Mummy! There was plenty more she did to both DH and I that I considered killing myself because she made me feel I wasn't good enough for either DD or DH but I realised I needed to be here not only because I didn't want DD growing up without me but because if I wasn't here who would stop this toxic women from being in DDs life. So I told DH that I would no longer have anything to do with her and neither would DD and he agreed I told him I couldn't and wouldn't stop him from seeing her but she wasn't welcome in my house or near my child. DD did ask for her occasionally (she was 2) and I did feel guilty but knew I was doing the right thing and eventually DD stopped mentioning her at all. You are doing the right thing keeping your mother from your son and eventually he will stop asking, just remember how she has made you feel and how you don't want her to make him feel that way one day to help keep you strong in your resolve

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    • #77
      Thinking of you serenity love xxx

      I don't know if it helps but one thing I've learned is "family" is what you make it. You have a beautiful ds and dd on the way. Plus you always have you'd bub hub family here to support you.

      Those other people - your mother, sister, inlaws - don't have to be your family.

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      • #78
        Originally posted by Mellie29 View Post
        Thinking of you serenity love xxx

        I don't know if it helps but one thing I've learned is "family" is what you make it. You have a beautiful ds and dd on the way. Plus you always have you'd bub hub family here to support you.

        Those other people - your mother, sister, inlaws - don't have to be your family.
        Yep blood doesn't always make family

        Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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        • #79
          Thanks so much all - you all make perfect sense. I haven't spoken to my mum at all for about a week now and i think my emotional state is improving gradually, and i feel it's due to having no contact with her. Though she has been texting DH asking about me, trying not to look bad to him i suppose. She's possibly also regretting how she handled me but whatever. When he told me she was contacting him i felt really angry about it, as she's the one that finished it with me! But i have been doing my best to not let her get to me.

          I still have been having up and down moments, pregnancy hormones are probably contributing to that. But yeah, feeling angry and p!ssed off comes and then goes, then comes back. But i am dealing with it. I haven't had a chance to see the psychologist yet as they seem to only book me in on the days i have to work, and then trying to get the day off with work at the moment seems impossible! Everyone is on holidays so no available rec leave days for me to take. DH told me PANDA have been emailing him and checking up on me, so i think ill call them and arrange to see someone from them. Hopefully they have availabilities on my days off.. which is the weekend or Mon and Tues. But it will mean i'll have to take DS with me :\

          Ugh why does everything have to be so bl00dy hard! But either way im doing ok. I keep thinking about things that make me sad and DS keeps asking about his Grandma as he is used to seeing her on Friday's ... ill be glad once he gets past asking for her. xxxxx
          Last edited by Serenity Love; 26-07-2014, 17:08.

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          • #80
            How are you today SL?

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            • #81
              Hi .. I have been ok but today feeling down. DS has been sick with croup, it was my B'day on the 29th and I couldn't do anything because he has been so unwell.

              I haven't been able to see anyone yet I am feeling a little frustrated with that. But reminding myself that once DS is better and things go back to normal ill be able to organise myself then.

              Finally got DH to agree to blocking my mum's phone number so I don't have to wonder if she has been making contact. I guess I am now just coming to terms with the fact once again I will have no family support other than DH when the next baby comes. Oh well, ill prob be better off.

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              • #82
                you will be better off.

                You are much better with just each other than with people who make life much harder.


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                • #83
                  Originally posted by Serenity Love View Post
                  Hi .. I have been ok but today feeling down. DS has been sick with croup, it was my B'day on the 29th and I couldn't do anything because he has been so unwell.

                  I haven't been able to see anyone yet I am feeling a little frustrated with that. But reminding myself that once DS is better and things go back to normal ill be able to organise myself then.

                  Finally got DH to agree to blocking my mum's phone number so I don't have to wonder if she has been making contact. I guess I am now just coming to terms with the fact once again I will have no family support other than DH when the next baby comes. Oh well, ill prob be better off.
                  Sorry to hear your DS is unwell

                  You will be far better off without your family's 'support'. You have a new family now - you, your DH, your DS and DD. It may be more draining doing it without external help, but when you factor in the clear headspace you will eventually have and positive mind once you no longer have to deal with rubbish family members, it will in fact be much easier.

                  I'm glad your DH has blocked her. You have a good man there

                  Has he written his parents off completely yet?

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                  • #84
                    hi serenitylove. Im so glad you are choosing to keep in touch with us here. It is important that you are able to find some comfort and support when those who should give it don't or cant. try not to stress about the people who bring only heartache into your life. leave them alone, and just focus on your health and your son and soon to be born daughter. I hope you soon find someone who can help you, from Panda or whatever. hugs, marie.

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                    • #85
                      Thank you ladies

                      I guess what is starting to eat at me now is the fact when i go into labor, who will take care of DS? Its staring to look like I will have to do it on my own while DH stays home with DS I had a traumatic time last time with the placenta abruption, so was relying on DH being there for me more this time. He didn't cope last time and had to go hme, leaving me at the hospital by myself for a long excritiating scary night of wondering WT was happening and will my baby or me or both of us die. He has promised me he will never abandon me like that again. But looks like this time he will have no choice.

                      We can't leave DS with the inlaws... as they have a skitty dog that snaps and its not trained at all. They previously owned a dog that was very aggressive and bit SIL's nose almost completely off, and they kept the dog and just told SIL t stay away from it (once she was finished with all her surgeries) The inlaws have no idea about dogs... and i just would not be relaxed and focused on the birth while knowing DS was in their care, exposed to their other untrained snappy dog. Getting mauled for all i know why i am in labor. I can't stand the thought. I wont take any risks.

                      We do have friends.... friends that we have helped out a LOT. DH even got two of them new careers at his work. But i just dont feel like we can count on them to watch DS when i go into labor. DS doesn't know them that well, so it wouldn't be fair on him. Plus they have their own kids.

                      I am feeling very concerned about it all. Is it common for women to give birth without any support around them? I guess it probably is. I guess ill just have to be courageous.
                      Last edited by Serenity Love; 31-07-2014, 14:06.

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                      • #86
                        What about looking for a student midwife? I've heard that they often need women to follow in their pregnancies and be at the birth. That way you would have someone there just for you, might make you feel a bit better about the possibility of not having your hubby there?

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                        • #87
                          Couldn't your SIL look after your ds for the night?

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                          • #88
                            Can the in-laws look after your ds at your house? That's what we have always done with our kids (not in-laws but friends). I prefer our kids stay in their own environment.

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                            • #89
                              Just saw this thread and the ladies have offered some wonderful advise.

                              Sl I don't think you realise how bl00dy string you are. Already surviving your past/crap with your mother. It seems like it has been on hell of a journey but you are here with a beautiful little boy.

                              I lost my mum at 2.5 and nothing ever ever makes it ok. No letter explaining it wasn't me that made her go. No grandparents to visit in place of her. She was my one and only. My entire world. She was an extension to me. Without her I couldn't exist either. Then she was gone. And I was alone. I had other family and I know they tried but every child needs tier mummy.

                              I am 33 now and the pain never ever stops. Everything I have ever done in my life I have wanted to share with her and couldn't. Every joy and every sorrow. I wouldn't have cared if she wasn't perfect. I wouldn't have expected perfection. I would have just wanted her. To live and love and cuddle and be emerged in her.

                              No grandparent, father, sibling or anyone else in the world could come close. It's not even imagine able. 9billuon ppl in the world and their combined loved and light does not replace the love of a mother.

                              It's prob hard to wrap your head around since your mum is so cruel but trust me. You are your little boys world.

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