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  • DP's non religious family dummy spit

    i was reading the thread to christening for non religious family and it reminded me of an incident when DS was only a few weeks old. i was gonna reply in that topic but got sidetracked with my reply and it became quite long as i felt i had to go into detail to give you an idea where i am coming from so i can get a proper opinion on this particular subject.



    we went up to the country (on the NSW/QLD border, about 8 hrs from sydney)where my family lives just after xmas to see my nan and pop and so nan and pop and other relos can see DS. while we were there we wanted to have DS baptised. the reason we wanted DS to be baptised there and not here in sydney is cause the person who would do the baptism is an old family friend who is a pastor and he had baptised me and my brothers and most of my cousins. i think he may have also baptised my mum and my aunties and uncle.

    before we go up there i tell DP thats what my family and i were planning on doing and didnt think there would be any arguements because DP's family arent religious and i dont even think DP knows what faith his family follows (if any).

    so DP tells his parents and didnt FIL ever abuse us! ...why arent we involved... why didnt we want any of DP's brothers or sister to be godparents....he kept going on and on about godparents and i cant even count the number of times that we had to tell FIL that a BAPTISM isnt a CHRISTENING and that we are not CATHOLIC and we dont appoint godparents when we BAPTISE DS.

    oh my goodness you should of heard him forever opening his big trap about a simple little baptism that i didnt think they would care about because they arent even religious or anything. baptising my son is very important to me. so it finally sunk into his thick head that we arent having him christened and all that but they we're still not happy about it but didnt kick up as much of a stink about it then. (can someone please explain to me why they find it so important when they arent even religious! it boggles the mind!)

    anyways, when we get up there it turns out that the family friend that was doing the baptism for us had to go up north for a funeral of a family member and coudnt do it. fair enough, we can just do it next xmas when DS turns 1. but i get back to sydney and FIL says to me in quite a rude way(and DP works for FIL), "so he had all that time off work for nothing".... lord help me i wanted to strangle him!!

    DS had already met FIL's parents and the rest of FIL's family on xmas day but we wanted to take DS to meet my grandparents and whilst we were already there we wanted to baptise DS into our faith which DP's family doesnt even have a faith and suddenly it wasnt worth us going up there?! so my son cant meet his maternal great grandparents? i just thought what an a***hole! our family friend had a funeral to attend and he can be that rude and say something like that?

    and this is coming from the people who i cut off for my entire pregnancy because they called me all sorts of names and tried to turn DP against me because i wouldnt have an abortion for our planned pregnancy.... because as far as they see it i am an mentally unstable little girl who couldnt raise a child on my own and i would be a bad mother (far from the truth!!). because they couldnt accept that morally, spirtually and emotionally i am absolutely against abortion and would never agree to have one on any conditions!!

    but now they are all over DS like a rash and it makes me physically ill

    can someone please explain why, when these people didnt want anything to do with their first grandchild of their first born child, that now they suffocate me with them wanting to see DS all the time and then make a humongous big deal because i wanted a baptism for my son when they dont even have any religious beliefs whatsoever?? coz i am dumfounded as to why these people do what they do.
    Last edited by mum33; 14-06-2006, 15:15.

  • #2
    Sounds straightforward enough to me.

    It's perfectly normal for inlaws / grandparents to be utterly mortified at the idea that you're pregnant. Not only have you taken away their son (and by definition, you have to be either not good enough or a threat), but you're chaining him down with a baby as well, so their hopes of his escape have been dashed. That's how old people think. I bet you lunch that's how you'll think when your son marries some awful girl that you just know can't be any good...

    But once it's born... hang on, it's a BABY! A grandson! Gimme! Of course they can't get enough of the kid. That's perfectly normal as well. Annoying as hell, but perfectly understandable. And let's face it, it does still beat the alternative.

    As for not knowing the difference between a baptism and a christening... well, and neither do I. It's some weird religious thing you do to babies, isn't it? If you'd asked be whether godparents were involved, I'd have guessed "probably". It's really a lot less obvious from the outside, you know.

    They're offended because they weren't involved in the <whatever>, and they assumed they should have been. If a role for godparents exists, as they assumed, and you didn't put them in that role - they can only assume you deliberately excluded them.

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    • #3
      thanks for your feedback mister noodle.


      to answer your reply...

      i get the part where they were a bit worried about us being young and starting a family but i have always been a nice girl and very nice to them, they had no reason to totally turn against me, call me everything under the sun and practically brainwash DP against me because i wouldnt have an abortion. it was a planned pregnancy and they knew we were trying previous so i just dont get their reaction. i still dont know what happened and why they did what they did.

      to be honest, after the way they acted i would rather they didnt want anything to do with me and DS. cos thats the way i want it. i only have anything to do with them now because i love DP and he preactically forces me to see them. i do it for DP only. i dont think DS needs people like that in his life, however its not for me to stop him from seeing his grandparents.

      baptism and christening are different. christenings appoint godparents and go all out and have a party and make a big deal out of it, its also a naming ceremony afaik. as i am not catholic i dont know the meaning behind them but to me they seem like their are different meaning behind them. although i am told they are supposed to be the same thing. christenings are a catholic thing. baptism are not.

      baptism is a sort of...how do i explain... its more of a simple ceremony initiating someone into the faith, into the church. its not made into a big of a deal as a christening but its still very important... sorry i am not good at explaining but they are two different things.

      there are no roles for them in a baptism and as far as i see it they are lucky they even see DS as they dont even deserve that so i dont know what gives them the right to make a fuss because they arent involved. if they had to be involved. yes i would exclude them and wouldnt feel bad about it.
      Last edited by mum33; 14-06-2006, 15:55.

      Comment


      • #4
        In my niaivity I don't know the difference between Christening and Baptism either. My nephew at age 23 just got Baptised so he can marry a Catholic, he didnt' even invite us. Can you please explain the difference, if you want to of course. sorry. I have attended two Christening that were Catholic but not a Baptism. I feel so dumb sometimes

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Debster
          In my niaivity I don't know the difference between Christening and Baptism either. My nephew at age 23 just got Baptised so he can marry a Catholic, he didnt' even invite us. Can you please explain the difference, if you want to of course. sorry. I have attended two Christening that were Catholic but not a Baptism. I feel so dumb sometimes

          well although catholic is a christian religion it is very different to the other christian religions so i dont really understand what a christening is myself, i dont understand any catholic things. and my dads family is catholic. all i know is a baptism isnt a naming ceremony and we dont throw a big party for it. the emphasis is placed more on the actual ceremony and the meaning behind it for the person being baptised not like a christening which is all about who you appoint as godparents and having a party and such...

          sorry i dont understand alot of catholic traditions either. but i do know they are very different things....

          Comment


          • #6
            There is no difference. A baptism is just the modern term for a christening.
            I always understood the christening to be the occasion and the baptism took place at the christening, but they are just the same thing. You can make it a big occasion or a small one.

            http://www.stjohnsinthecity.org.nz/info/baptism.htm
            http://www.ptm.org/uni/QandA/0046/christening.htm
            http://www.stmarys-slough.org.uk/1/bapt-info.htm (in Q&A)
            http://www.portara.com/cgi-bin/newsl...is_baptism.cfm

            This site states that Baptism is the religious ceremony, whereas Christening was institutionalised by man and isnt mentioned in the bible.
            http://www.rci.org.au/faq/faq_personal.htm

            If I had inlaws who were that rude during my pregnancy, I would be tempted to not introduce them to their grandchild fullstop.

            Comment


            • #7
              well whatever the difference we dont do all the hoo-haa of a naming ceremony and a big party and godparents because thats not what a baptism is about.

              Harlequin, i dont want the in-laws to have anything to do with my son but i am practically forced to by DP to go visit them and scared that DP will lose his job if i dont let them see DS.

              if i understood why they are the way they are and why they do the things they do i think i could get past things and move on but i am finding it really difficult as they have moved on as if they never did anything to me.

              i think if they realised how i feel that they wouldnt care anyways. they are just really rude and selfish people and one day i will have the courage to say something. i wish that would be sooner than later though.

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              • #8
                I do understand where your coming from Kristie,

                If my in laws had the audacity to ask me to abort my child I would be fuming too

                Also I think the baptism has nothing to do with the in laws or your folks either, you are RJ's parents not them so they should all just be quiet and supportive or say nothing at all imo

                I have my own problems with my inlaws and I know how tough it is but dont let them get to you, yes you have to deal with them but dont let them suck the happiness out of your day lol

                Also remember to try and talk nicely about them to dp be cause you know you would want him to treat your family with the same respect (even though its hard its neccessary iykwim)

                Hope things get better soon.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Harlequin
                  There is no difference. A baptism is just the modern term for a christening. I always understood the christening to be the occasion and the baptism took place at the christening, but they are just the same thing. You can make it a big occasion or a small one.
                  There is a difference actually. And the more modern term is "christening" Baptism dates back to like 100AD.

                  Christening = giving a name to someone/something (like christening a boat with breaking a bottle or a naming ceremony for a child), baptism = a religious ceremony. For Catholics (I don't know about other religions), a Christening ceremony used to be done at the Baptism, when you gave your child his/her Christian name.

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                  • #10
                    Ok well all the sites I read said there was no difference, these days the two terms are used to mean the same thing. *shrug*

                    Harlequin, i dont want the in-laws to have anything to do with my son but i am practically forced to by DP to go visit them and scared that DP will lose his job if i dont let them see DS.
                    That's gotta suck. I'm glad I have decent inlaws! I'm not sure what I'd do if that weren't the case, probably just go cry in the corner every once in a while.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by nemosmum
                      I do understand where your coming from Kristie,

                      If my in laws had the audacity to ask me to abort my child I would be fuming too

                      Also I think the baptism has nothing to do with the in laws or your folks either, you are RJ's parents not them so they should all just be quiet and supportive or say nothing at all imo

                      I have my own problems with my inlaws and I know how tough it is but dont let them get to you, yes you have to deal with them but dont let them suck the happiness out of your day lol

                      Also remember to try and talk nicely about them to dp be cause you know you would want him to treat your family with the same respect (even though its hard its neccessary iykwim)

                      Hope things get better soon.
                      well at least some people can understand where i am coming from anyways.

                      i am a bit mean though, i do talk a bit disrespectfully about his parents to him. but i only say what is basically the truth. and he knows it but i guess he doesnt like to hear it. but my parents treat him better than his own do so i dunno. he can see what kinda people they are and how they hurt me but it doesnt seem to phase him.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Just back to the Christening/Baptism thing for a sec, like Razzle said, there is a difference. Our minister explained it to us recently.
                        The Baptism is the part of the service where the child is being baptised in to a particular faith, the christening is when the child is being given its name.
                        So really a christening is usually part of a Baptism iykwim?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by coopsntilly
                          Just back to the Christening/Baptism thing for a sec, like Razzle said, there is a difference. Our minister explained it to us recently.
                          The Baptism is the part of the service where the child is being baptised in to a particular faith, the christening is when the child is being given its name.
                          So really a christening is usually part of a Baptism iykwim?

                          thanks....

                          see i knew i was right, a christening is not the same as a baptism.

                          and it is a catholic thing, not all christian religions have christenings as far as i know.

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                          • #14
                            I'm Church of England and we had our daughter christened by our rector.

                            Baptisms and christenings are done at the same time. If you don;'t want a religious ceremony then you can just have a naming ceremony. We wanted our daughter baptised into the faith and naming her as part of that ceremony was not unusual.

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