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What would you do? trying to get some perspective...

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  • What would you do? trying to get some perspective...

    What would you do if you had a partner who hadn't worked for the past two years (since Nov 2010). In the meantime, you've had a baby together, gone back to work when said baby was 6 months old, to support the family on your parttime wage. Your DP does do some household chores and looks after the baby while you are at work. But he doesn't do many chores, the house is always a mess. He also doesn't do a great job looking after your dd as he is addicted to online gaming ad plays about 12 hours per day. Because if the online gaming other parts if you relationship, eg, spending quality time together fall to the wayside. You constantly tell him you are unhappy, try to help him find a job, but eventually give up.
    Eventually you get your act together and leave with your dd.
    a moth later you find out you are 8 weeks pregnant. You tell your ex and he is over the moon. He sees it as his second chance. He is really sorry he has lost his family and wants to do anything to get them back. He enrolled into TAFE, starts a course to become a taxi driver and writes letter of apology to your parents for past wrongs that he has done towards them.
    You on the other had are really unhappy with being pregnant. You barely coped with the first pregnancy due to stress from your partners and parents fights. You also had a hard time bonding and coping with a baby as you felt unsupported, torn between parents and partner and super stressed. You are having a hard time adjusting as a single parent and are exhausted. You don't know if you can cope with another pregnancy and baby all on your own. Also there is pressure from your parents, to stay away from your ex and pressure from your ex, to get back together as a family when he sorts out his life.

    Would you keep the baby or would you terminate?

  • #2
    What would you do? trying to get some perspective...

    I'm Pro Choice.
    What ever decision you make needs to be made by you, not your ex and not your parents.
    I think you need to stop talking to everyone is this situation for a period of time.. days, week(s) so you can figure out what you want to do, do some looking in to what you want your future to be like etc.

    Has ex ever said he will "Change" in the past?
    Could this just be another cycle repeating its self?
    Or is he serious this time, and if he was serious do you still love him after everything that's happened, do you see a future with him..
    You need some time to yourself with out the influence from others to decide what's right for you.

    What ever way you decide to go I hope everything works out for the best. :Hugs:
    What a horrible situation to be in


    • #3
      I don't know...that's a tough one.

      I would listen to my heart rather than my head, and trust that I really know what is the right thing for ME & the child I already have.

      Usually in these situations we already know the answer but let ourselves get confused with all the other issues.


      • #4
        If I was in love with DP I would see how things go, I wouldn't move back with him until I was sure he was serious about working things out eg- completing tafe, holding a job, maintaining a household, setting aside "date" time as well possible seeking counselling for his gambelling. Not until I felt satisfied with these things would I consider giving it another go. As for being pregnant remember your body is adjusting to extra hormones as well as going through this separation. Plenty of people raise children as a single parent and do a fantastic job.
        Your parents should support you in your decision as I think deep down you know what is the best decision for you and dd.


        • #5
          What would you do? trying to get some perspective...

          Big hugs - it sounds like a very tough situation.

          I agree with the pp that in your heart you know what to do for you and your dd. your ex and your parents are bystanders. Put you first.

          I would think about why things have been like they have with your ex? Is there a reason he hasn't been working? Is he really likely to change?


          • #6
            What would you do? trying to get some perspective...

            I have no advice and can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling - but just wanted to suggest talking it out with a professional. Maybe giving lifeline a call?

            Take care of yourself and be true to you. Whatever you decide will be the right thing... (((Hugs)))


            • #7
              What would you do? trying to get some perspective...

              That's a real tough one. If it were me I would treat the situation based on me being single and decide if I could manage financially etc. I would decide without them in the picture.

              Once I decided If I could manage single. Then the only other choice is give the ex a chance or not. If their record was as described, I wouldn't go back to the ex. But I would keep the baby if I knew I could manage as a single parent of two.


              • #8
                I would base my decision on being single and leave ex and parents out of it altogether.

                I would keep the baby (i am pro choice but would never terminate myself).

                As for ex...i would not consider getting back together with him until he had held a full time job for 12 months. I would possibly consider dating him after he had secured a job and held it for 3 months.

                Other than the gaming (which i know was huge) was he as a partner? did you love him? Was he nice and kind and loving?

                As for your parents...they need to be on your side so i can see why they argued with your partner...but, they need to leave that to you and just be on your side and be supportive of what ever you choose.

                It does sound like he is sorry but that does not mean you have to forgive him. I would also suggest some couples counselling...both now and IF you decide to take him back. having bubs does not = automatically back together.