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Over friendly GP

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  • Over friendly GP

    Not sure where to put this, but needed to get it off my chest.

    I go to my GP's clinic to get bt's done. My fs is tracking my estrogen levels and things have been moving slowly, so I've had quite a few done over the last few weeks. Each time I've seen my GP in passing and we've waved, occasionally his stuck his head around the corner to have a bit of a chat. Today he told the lady taking my blood to get me to come to his room afterwards. So I waited around for a bit.
    Anyway. He asked me if I was angry at him, because last time I hadn't smiled and been happy to see him. Had he done something wrong? I assured him I was just tired and upset from the meds I'm on. He patted his belly and asked how it was going (IVF) and what all the bt's were for, so I explained but he stopped listening to me. He asked for my phone number, and when I said reception had it, and why did he want it he asked if I didn't want him to have it. He obviously didn't want to get it from them. He asked what I was doing this weekend, and I said I was working. What am I doing next weekend? Don't know, dp will be in and I keep all that time free for him. When will I have a weekend off? I work on a roster, so that's ages away. What's wrong, don't I want him to call me? Umm, freaking no! Didn't say that though. Just diverted away from that. Went to leave and he opened his arms wide for a hug. This isn't the first time he's hugged me, but usually I'm good at deflecting it and he backs off for a few visits. I convince myself I'm overreacting and imagining things, and forget about it. About a year ago he tried to arrange for our families to do some things together, but I'd completely pushed that away. Am I freaking for a reason, or does it sound like he's just pushing to be friends? He's not Australian, so maybe he's not picking up on the social cues?

    This is the best Drs clinic in a 40 min drive, and I don't want to leave it. But i don't need to go for personal reasons often, just to get my ad script so I suppose I could do that anywhere. Thing is, I'm a disability support worker, and most of my clients go to him so I don't want to make waves and have things be awkward for work visits. It's almost impossible to get Drs to accept my clients onto their books, and I won't do anything to jeopardize that.

    I don't know what I want from posting this, except maybe to get it out. I'm very unsettled and not sure how to handle it.
    Last edited by Rutabaga; 21-09-2012, 14:54.

  • #2
    Oh my he is definitely overstepping the mark. He sounds creepy, creepy and oh have I mentioned .. creepy?? As I read your post my skin was crawling! What a weirdo. His behaviour is completely inappropriate and even more so as a doctor and I would be speaking to the practice manager if I were you. I had a problem with a gp at my local medical centre and although I didn't want to leave because my favourite GP ever works there, I also didn't want his behaviour to go without punishment (not like your story, this was more a malpractice thing). To cut a long story short, I contacted the practive manager and we had a meeting and although she didn't fire him, he was told to not speak with me as I requested that he never open his mouth to me again. You need to do the same. You shouldn't be pushed out of a medical centre that you like because he's a freak. My GP has my mobile number and I have his but only for emergencies or when I need test results but that was because I asked for it. The fact that he asked for your number when he can get it from the computer tells me he is looking to get your number as a sleazy pick up. Speak to the practice manager asap. Who knows how many other women he forces out the door because they don't speak up. You could possibly break that cycle ... Good luck!


    • #3
      Thank you firstimemummy, it feels good to have my feelings validified. I'm sitting in the car ark at work, late, having a bit of a panic and a cry. Damn it, this is not going to be a good shift if I can't suck it up.


      • #4
        Originally posted by katherinelouise View Post
        Thank you firstimemummy, it feels good to have my feelings validified. I'm sitting in the car ark at work, late, having a bit of a panic and a cry. Damn it, this is not going to be a good shift if I can't suck it up.
        Take your time and have a cry if you need too. Work can wait


        • #5
          Talk to the practice manager! Myself and my parents and grandparents have been seeing the same GP for 18/19 years (I now see a female on in the same practice as well) and whilst communication has always been friendly but professional e.g his kids are the same age as me, so when we were younger it would always be how are the kids etc, enjoying high school/uni/thats great they got a job/into that awesome degree, enjoy your holiday etc but we've never ever seen them outside the practice..... And I really like the fact that I've see the same GP who I saw for my chicken-pox when I was 7 years old, that the nurse there has seen us grow up, that they ask how uni etc is going when I go (usually for blood tests etc) that there is that familiarity, but it would be weird/unprofessional if it was anything more.

          That sounds like overstepping the friendly professional boundaries....


          • #6
            His behaviour is totally inappropriate and, well, odd. No wonder you're feeling unsettled. Its just wrong on so any levels.

            Please talk to the Practice Manager. This Dr is a liability for them. He's harrassing you, and who knows who else. They will be grateful you told them so they can deal with him before he gets the whole practice in trouble, or gets sued.

            You're not over reacting. He's abusing his position of power and pressuring you into an inappropriate relationship. He needs to back off, and you need to feel safe and relaxed when visiting your medical centre.


            • #7
              Oh he's picking up on the cues all right. Why else would he have pushed to know why you don't want to give him your number? He knew you didn't want to from whatever you said or how you acted straight away and then set about making you feel awkward about it. He's taking advantage of his position and the fact that you sound like a nice/polite person. I'd take the advice of others here and speak to the practice manager.


              • #8
                What a sleaze bag! Wouldn't you love to kick him you know where, and walk away leaving him clutching in agony. Or record him secretly, let him hear the playback then tell him 'if you ever talk to me like that again..."

                But yeah its hard if you don't want to jeopardise your clients. Can you just avoid him when you have to go to the practice? Are your clients always accompanied by a carer if they have to see him? Horrible thought but you never know...


                • #9
                  Um yuck, this guy needs reporting...


                  • #10


                    • #11
                      Please let us know how you go OP. He should never have put you in this position.


                      • #12
                        There seems to be a few stories like this on BH...

                        What the hell is wrong with these doctors?

                        Stop trying to be polite. You don't have to be rude, but you can be straight forward.

                        He is counting on women to stay 'polite' so he can continue his games, and perhaps push them into something they don't want to be doing.

                        Hugs - Simply state 'no thank you. I don't feel it's appropriate to hug' (or something similar)

                        Flirty/sussing you out kind of talk - 'Bite the bullet. Just say ' Why are you so interested in my future plans?'. If he acts hurt/coy then just state 'I find it strange when men, other then my Husband, seem to want to make plans with me'.

                        Then state you are leaving and 'see you next time', just to keep it light.

                        But in reality... Speak to the practice manager.

                        And if you are feeling guilty/dirty/confused, know that it is ok to feel this way, but that it is the doctors fault. He should not have put you in that position. He is at fault.

                        Try alter those feelings to being upset at the doctors behaviour. I am just noting this, as this circumstance could be interpreted as a form of sexual abuse. And these are the types of feelings that can occur.


                        • #13
                          Thank you to everyone for taking the time to respond so supportively.

                          I've talked it over with my colleagues and they've agreed to accompany our clients to appts were possible. We're also looking into getting the eligible ones into another practise, because it IS odd behavior.

                          I will make an appt to talk to the GP, and let him know that it feels inappropriate to be in that situation. I was going to wait for a while, so it didn't seem to be a big deal, but on further thinking have decided that it would have more impact coming soon after this last incident. I'm not sure what I'll say, exactly, but trust that I'll find the right words at the time. Also tossing up taking a friend with me, to keep me on track and make sure I actually say what needs to be said without getting all soft and no big dealing when we're face to face.

                          I find it amazing that this is so hard to do, when I'm known for being very forthright when advocating for other people!

                          One more question, would you tell your partner before or after dealing with it? I'd rather not tell him at all (surprise), which is always a sure sign that it's something he needs to know about! He is very protective, and would want to know, but is working away so would feel helpless and angry, which is why I'd prefer to have it all neatly sorted before telling him. Blardy dr, putting me in this position!


                          • #14
                            hi, if you can have it all sorted while your hubby is away, then do that. Tell him about it when he is back home with you. Dont tell him while he is away, because as you said he will be upset, and unable to do anything, so that will be pointless. Perhaps make a group decision that you will always have a 'partner' for the visists with this doctor, it would be best to have the your clients supported and be on guard for any unprofessional actions by this doctor. Marie.
                            Last edited by SuperGranny; 24-09-2012, 10:53.


                            • #15
                              Sorry - you need to forget about the weirdness with client visits if you leave - I'd be finding myself a new GP quick smart! My feeling is his behaviour will just get worse...