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The stigma attached to c-sections

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  • The stigma attached to c-sections

    My SIL is pregnant at the moment and is due next month. This morning she told me that she barely asks for advice from me because she can't relate to my delivery. This really hurt my feeling especially because ds was emergency c-section. Sorry to rant but I really didn't have anyone to vent to

  • #2
    Don't take it personally hun, I am planning to have a natural VB if I can, and I wouldn't be able to ask much advice from someone who had a CS, not because of the stigma but because they are two different experiences. Just as a person planning on a CS wouldn't probably be able to get alot of relevant advice from someone who has had a VB.

    Although as you said it was an emergency CS so surely if you were already in labour she could ask about that part?

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    • #3
      She's a knob. 30% of labours end in CS. You think she would find out about your experience so if it happens to her she knows what to expect.

      I had an elective CS and will tell anyone who stands still long enough how great it was.

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      • #4
        It's very naive for her to think that 1 hour of your life makes all your other experience to do with pregnancy, labour, birth and babies irrelevant. It's also naive of her to assume she won't end up having an emergency c-section, she should be picking your brain about how that all works too.

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        • #5
          that must have hurt to hear

          I think your SIL is missing out by not talking to you - she doesn't even know how she's going to deliver yet! She might change her mind after she's had the baby and needs advice on how to care for it.

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          • #6
            OMG.. You had an emergency c section, and she somehow thinks you won't be helpful??

            Does she understand what you went through? Does she know that her journey could very well end up the same/similar?

            I can understand why you are hurt. It was not your choice. It sounds like you planned a vaginal delivery, but then had to alter to a c section.

            How in the world could you NOT be helpful?

            1. You have already been there done that with the planning.
            2. I am guessing you laboured? I am guessing you would have gotten so far, then something went wrong... Why would your SIL not want to know your story? Why wouldn't she want as much information as possible, to perhaps help her be fully prepared for her birth?

            If you feel up to it, I would be reminding your SIL that you had planned XX birth, however things happen that are unexpected. She is not bullet proof!

            (sorry for the harsh rant...)

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            • #7
              That's the thing she wants under no circumstances to have a c-section. I honestly think she thinks I'm weak for needing the c-section after 5hrs of labouring. She makes me feel like I'm less of a mother for delivering ds that way, she always goes on about her friends how deliver naturally with no pain or medical intervention. It's not really about the delivery either it's about generally pregnancy questions. I actually dread our weekend family get together because of her! Grrr!!

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              • #8
                Sounds like my SIL!

                She had a two hour labour from first contraction to birth.
                She had the gas for pain relief.

                I labored (induced) for 16hours then ended in an emergency c-section.
                This was two years after her natural birth.

                She had the nerve to say that a week later I shouldn't be sore because she wasn't..............
                Ummmmmmm stupid much????

                People are sooooo bloody naive when it comes to birth!

                I quizzed my sister who had an emergency c-section because I wanted to know all the possibilities I could be facing!

                No offense, but what a bish!

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                • #9
                  She will soon learn.

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                  • #10
                    I've just warned her to keep an open mind about the delivery . ( is it mean that I hope her birth plan doesn't go to plan..... Just joking!

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Alimia View Post
                      That's the thing she wants under no circumstances to have a c-section. I honestly think she thinks I'm weak for needing the c-section after 5hrs of labouring. She makes me feel like I'm less of a mother for delivering ds that way, she always goes on about her friends how deliver naturally with no pain or medical intervention. It's not really about the delivery either it's about generally pregnancy questions. I actually dread our weekend family get together because of her! Grrr!!
                      Hugs

                      I still feel like I have advice I can share and yet I've needed two csections and have not labored either times. however during both pregnancies I had every intention to birth vaginally and did a lot of research to empower me with information.

                      My sister will give birth in the next fortnight and wants me in with her. I said of course I'll be there but remember i havnt labored so don't know how much help I could be but she says she still trust and wants my experience.

                      You should tell your sil I had NO intention of having a cs with my first dd infact I had zero intention of requesting even an epi they both scared the crap out of me.
                      But life didn't pan out that way and I needed two elective cs

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Alimia View Post
                        I've just warned her to keep an open mind about the delivery . ( is it mean that I hope her birth plan doesn't go to plan..... Just joking!
                        Hehehe I know that feeling

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                        • #13
                          I had my first baby five years before my friends had their first. When I was pregnant with #2, all of a sudden there was a baby boom and five or six of us were pregnant at the same time.

                          I assumed my friends would ask me about my birth, as I knew they were asking their other friends who had babies about their experiences. No one asked me a thing, despite the fact that they knew I had enjoyed my birth immensely and was eager to replicate the experience with my second, and despite the fact that knew that statistically their chance of having a caesarean themselves was reasonably high.

                          I was quite hurt at the time, and completely mystified... when I was pregnant with my first I was eager to hear any birth story I could, regardless of its method or outcome. But I've grown to realise that many people are in a bit of denial about the whole thing. They don't want to have a caesarean, therefore they don't really want to hear about them. Kind've like shutting their eyes, plugging their ears, and screaming "LALALALALALALALA".

                          Meh, it's their loss.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Alimia View Post
                            I've just warned her to keep an open mind about the delivery . ( is it mean that I hope her birth plan doesn't go to plan..... Just joking!

                            I once secretly hoped a friend would need a CS. Does that make me a bad person? I made a joke at her baby shower about a 24hr labour followed by a CS. She didn't think it was funny and was b!yching about me behind my back for weeks.

                            Anyway, I was wrong. It was a 20 hr labour followed by a CS.

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                            • #15
                              Yeah my SIL is due with #2 in October and I secretly wish her a difficult labour or a c-section :/

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