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Does your partner put much thought into your bday?

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  • Does your partner put much thought into your bday?

    So, another birthday has rolled past. DH got me a book he's been dying to read. He read it that night (before me). And he was so proud of himself for getting such an awesome gift, telling me he was so excited as he's been wanting this book for ages and was sure I'd love it (added that bit as an afterthought). There was no card.

    So he got himself a great birthday present and truly thinks he excelled as a gift giver. He can be so clueless sometimes.

    I know he means well, but I can't help feeling a teeny bit invisible. As it is every birthday. There was no cake either. And I made us all dinner as usual.

    Am I alone in getting presents from my partner that are more about him than me?

    I'm feeling really rather uncared for lately.

  • #2
    I'm really sorry he didn't put more thought into your birthday. Some men are pretty hopeless at that sort of thing.

    Perhaps next time you should tell him exactly what YOU want so that he can't get it wrong? Give him a list of five things that he can choose from so it's still a surprise.

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    • #3
      Sorry to be so blunt but how does he mean well? Like you said, it was something he wanted. If my DH was that thoughtless when it came to my birthday, it would be tit for tat. Buy a book you want, rave about it, read it then pass it off as a gift with a big grin!


      To answer your question, my DH does spoil me for my birthday. He does not have alot of time to go get something but I can tell he has always thinks about conversations we have had as what to get me. That alone means more than the actual gift.

      Have you spoken to him about how you are feeling? I would feel very unappreciated and lonely too if that is how he is all the time.

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      • #4
        Urgh, my ex used to do that. He'd buy things and then take them off me LOL.

        My DP gets things that he knows *I* want, he's a really good gift buyer actually.

        It sounds like your DP just doesn't get it. You might need to spell it out in plain English lovely

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        • #5
          Thanks. I thought I'd given him some ideas, but clearly wasn't clear enough. I hate spelling it out too much because then I feel well I may as well have just gone and bought it myself. And I don't want a lot, nothing expensive 'cause we can't afford that, but even some flowers or my favourite chocolates would have been nice.

          His mother's a terrible gift giver - last christmas present to me was a packet of pasta. I kid you not. So maybe he's never learnt to actually -think- about presents.

          And I think he takes me for granted a bit these days.

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          • #6
            O.M.G. ... I would have hit him over the head with it!

            My DH isn't fabulous at it either so I just tell him what I want. I tell him exactly what I want, where to get it and how much it is. He takes DD with him and hints at her when he finds it and they discuss it. If there's any leeway in what I want she will pick colours, style or whatever. I buy a packet cake mix and tell them to make me a cake. I tell them what to make me for breakfast and we always buy dinner on Birthdays and Anniversaries (it's pretty much the only time in the year we go out for dinner).

            It doesn't have to be anything expensive, but it does have to be something you want. Spell it out for him and hopefully Christmas will be better for you!

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            • #7
              That sucks as is really bad sorry.
              My DH doesn't really do anything for me for my birthday either. This year I got a $60 massage voucher and nothing else. We had tea at my parents because going out for dinner is too expensive. I can't remember my birthday last year.
              Must have been memorable....

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              • #8
                I would voice your feelings that you feel the book was more for his benefit than your own. Tell him your not trying to start an argument but lately you have felt a bit underapreciated and invisible and you would like to make it up to yourself by......

                suggestions
                Go to the hairdressers/massage for a pamper session
                Buy yourself a nice dress
                Go out for dinner as a family WITH a birthday cake!

                I think it's important that your DH puts effort into your birthday, not only for your benefit but the kids benefit as well. They need to be shown that they have a right to be appreciated in present and future relationships.

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                • #9
                  A.packet.of.pasta... What the shizzle.?!?!???

                  He has obviously has inherited a very serious present giving defective gene from his MUM!
                  I'd be livid, seriously, it's so obviously about HIM!
                  I'd make a big joke about it and say "sooooooo what do you want to get you for Christmas...?

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                  • #10
                    Well, as some might know, the DP and I are in an awkward situation due to a number of reasons. Outcome is that we don't live together right now. For her birthday this year (which was yesterday), I got her a present that I knew she wanted, popped around to her house in the morning and gave her flowers, card and a cake and then popped back around to her place that night once her kids had gone to bed, where we stayed up chatting the night away until 1:30 this morning!

                    I'd been planning and thinking about her birthday for weeks! So give DH a slap up the back of the head and tell him to pull his finger out! You deserve to be spoilt on your birthday!


                    Happy birthday to you!
                    Happy birthday to you!
                    Happy birthday dear Sparklydreamer!
                    Happy birthday to you!

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by faroutbrusselsprout View Post
                      I'd make a big joke about it and say "sooooooo what do you want to get you for Christmas...?
                      That made me laugh out loud.

                      Thanks everyone, some great ideas here.

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                      • #12
                        My husband doesnt care much about birthdays either. If I want something, I have to spell it out loud 3 times a day 2 weeks prior to my birthday.
                        He usually gets me something after I told him what to get ( usually part of the cooking/baking utensils). Nothing romantic or surprises or other thoughtful gifts either

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                        • #13
                          I don't think crap present giving is hereditary, my mum gives crap presents - last yr she gave df a fire blanket for xmas - but I give df awesome presents, I order stuff months in advance always make a good cake, get dd to do a card etc df has been pretty crap in that dept more often than not though. I just tell him what I expect now, not specifics so much but general stuff like I want a cake, a card, dinner out, and a present u had to think about preferably something u need to order in advance. He is getting better I think, we'll see come Xmas..

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                          • #14
                            Not much thought goes into it here. He walks into shops and sees a pretty thing that i might like and buys it (the day before my birthday usually)

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                            • #15
                              I'm pretty lucky, but in saying that I do to DH what I've done with my family since I was little, write a birthday wish list! The year I was pregnant with DS I forgot and a few days before my sister and some of my friends rang in a panic as they hadn't received my list!

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