Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

looking for advice

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • looking for advice

    Ive got myslef into one hell of a Jerry Springer moment its along story so bare with me


    Ive been married for a while now, but over the past year ive fallen out of love with my wife we have become really good friends but the love just wasnt there. We met a new friend and instantly i hit ot off with her there was just something about her that captivates me. after a while of flirting we were intimate. In the better years i was so put off by the contemplation of cheating that it made me sick, to the point if someone ever came onto me that id run to my wife beging for forgivness. But during and after this encounter i didnt feel a thing. Id changed that much. Well we contiued for a while on the side but sure enough my wife found out. well straight away like within the first 30 mins of me being home she was on about money during her shouting saying she wants everything and i wil pay so much... well i left and i saw her the next day she had already taken her ring off and stuffed it into a envelope and handed it back not only that but she was on her way to centerlink and homewest to update them and make new arrangements with them. It seemed like it all happened so fast. well after a week i was allowed to move back in the spare room so could continue work and help support her.

    We have always been great friends and if you saw us today youd think there was nothing wrong. But she told me that the neighbour ive been a bit cautios of cause he is always hanging off my wife and my friend. The thing that confuses me is that was this going on behind my back, she had told me theyd kissed and cuddled but theres something shes not telling me. It was almost like me infadelaty was a reason to get out for her aswell.

    we have kids together whic only makes the situaltion worse but i would die for my kids they are my life. i give her anything and everything she wants in the last week alone ive spent in excess of $1000 to her $20 and it dosent bother me. Im just lost and confused right now wondering what your thoughts are

    any words of advice appreciated

  • #2
    you reap what you sew
    you both are in the wrong, i dont see the point in being together if neither of you can be faithful

    its great if you want to be there for your kids, but dont be walked over either.. you need to move out, and set up some other arrangements about money and your children..... unless you want to try your relationship again... but you both cheated for a reason... would it be worth it going through it again?

    Comment


    • #3
      If your not in love and can't trust each other its probably time to move on.

      Comment


      • #4
        I think that "can't help the way you feel' is a complete cop-out. Love is a choice, commitment is a choice, actions are a choice.

        If a marriage isn't working there are steps to take to resolve the issues before leaping right off the bridge.

        Obviously neither of you took those steps...

        Comment


        • #5
          Not sure what advice you are after cause i'm not sure if you want to work it out with your wife, or work out how to deal with this and seperate.

          I guess it really doesn't matter who did what to who, you have children to think about and that's all that matters, you said you guys have a good friendship, well at least that's a good thing for the sake of your children. I think it's great you are doing you best to support her, but i would also maybe go down the track of a formal agreement with money so you are not essentially 'paying for your mistakes' as unfair to her it was that you cheated, it's also unfair for you to be paying for it out your nose! IYKWIM.

          Anyways, hope you sort it out and you can both be there for your kids.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by OJandMe View Post
            I think that "can't help the way you feel' is a complete cop-out. Love is a choice, commitment is a choice, actions are a choice.

            If a marriage isn't working there are steps to take to resolve the issues before leaping right off the bridge.

            Obviously neither of you took those steps...
            Well Said

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by MYLO View Post
              Not sure what advice you are after cause i'm not sure if you want to work it out with your wife, or work out how to deal with this and seperate.

              I guess it really doesn't matter who did what to who, you have children to think about and that's all that matters, you said you guys have a good friendship, well at least that's a good thing for the sake of your children. I think it's great you are doing you best to support her, but i would also maybe go down the track of a formal agreement with money so you are not essentially 'paying for your mistakes' as unfair to her it was that you cheated, it's also unfair for you to be paying for it out your nose! IYKWIM.

              Anyways, hope you sort it out and you can both be there for your kids.
              yes totally agree with this response.. no judging whatsoever

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by OJandMe View Post
                I think that "can't help the way you feel' is a complete cop-out. Love is a choice, commitment is a choice, actions are a choice.

                If a marriage isn't working there are steps to take to resolve the issues before leaping right off the bridge.

                Obviously neither of you took those steps...

                we did take steps to fix it we both tried but but the more we tried the worse it seemed i guess its cause we were focusing on our faults rather than the good points, My wife works all the time as a sales rep so we never saw each other and even though our friend had no kids of her own (she cant) she was fantastic witht he kids and maybe thats what threw me, cause we connected emotionally and over our kids. yeah it was a choice but when your lost and feel so alone we all are abit absent minded

                Comment


                • #9
                  You both took those steps to where you are today. I think the most important thing here is your children, just take good care of them

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by lostandforgotten View Post
                    when your lost and feel so alone we all are abit absent minded
                    cant agree, its an excuse, you knew it was wrong and you still did it...

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I've deleted a number of off-topic posts. Be aware that any member of this forum is able and welcome to post asking for advice. If you have doubts as to the member's motivations, or are otherwise offended by their posts, you can report it by clicking the exclamation mark within the red triangle at the top right of every post.

                      If you have nothing constructive to add, please refrain from posting.

                      This thread is now re-opened, but will be closed again if it strays off topic. Thank you.
                      Last edited by Tam-I-Am; 11-03-2007, 22:57.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I'm not giving you a reason to use, to make things better in your sitution, But sometimes people just fall out of love, and still stay good friends. Yes it would be hard with kids involved, But i had a single mum, and saw my dad, and i don't think that has made me any different. I dread to think the person i would be, if they had stayed in a unfaithful, non - loving relationship.

                        I think the best thing to do, is probably sit down with your wife, get everything all back out in the open, and work out, is it better to go different ways, doesn't mean that you can't be there for your kids, Fathers have alot more rights these days.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by damien's mum View Post
                          I'm not giving you a reason to use, to make things better in your sitution, But sometimes people just fall out of love, and still stay good friends. Yes it would be hard with kids involved, But i had a single mum, and saw my dad, and i don't think that has made me any different. I dread to think the person i would be, if they had stayed in a unfaithful, non - loving relationship.

                          I think the best thing to do, is probably sit down with your wife, get everything all back out in the open, and work out, is it better to go different ways, doesn't mean that you can't be there for your kids, Fathers have alot more rights these days.

                          couldnt have said it better leish

                          but i would forget about this"friend" and try to see if you can get things back to how they were with your wife
                          sit down and discuss the issues that made you feel like this in the first place
                          and see if you can sort them out

                          you can still be a great father to your kids no matter what
                          but i think you and your wife need to work out what you are both going to do
                          and see if you can over come the affairs and decided together where your relationship is heading

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            i think you knew the answer and what to do but you are just 'being scared' of being lonely and moving out.

                            's like you are in a comfort zone now.

                            The minute you both have discarded or lost that love together, you knew it is time to discuss, talk, put cards on the table.

                            You both are an adult, so behave like one. You children shouldn't be the one ,who in a way, should take the responsibility keep you together.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by bronny-jane View Post
                              cant agree, its an excuse, you knew it was wrong and you still did it...

                              I agree

                              I always say to my hubby 'you cheat on me, you are cheating on our children too'.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X