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Mother In Law Is Trying To Parent my Child

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  • Mother In Law Is Trying To Parent my Child

    OH where do i start? Not only is the advise absolutly stupid. such as i can't eat seafood for 3 months afterthe birth! but she's trying to re-live her motherhood thru my daughter. She won't even leave me alone to breast feed my daughter and my partner won't back me up. And he complians about her to me, but i can't even voice my views.

    PLZ HELP
    Last edited by Jackie-Tiana; 08-07-2006, 11:59.

  • #2
    I have similar problems with my in laws and my DH doest stand up for me either. I normally just listen to what they have to say and ignore it. But I did explode at my SIL last christmas and told her what I thought. That was the first time in 9 years that my hubby has stood up for me infront of his family.

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    • #3
      I wish i could speak to her but she doesn't speak english so everything has 2 b translated thru him.

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      • #4
        That would be hard. Do you see her very often?

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        • #5
          Just out of curiosity, what nationality is MIL?

          Some cultures are very unique and different when it comes to newborns in the family.

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          • #6

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            • #7
              I don't know but a finger pointed towards a door is pretty universal

              If you're not comfortable or want to be alone to breastfeed I'd be doing some pretty obvious hand gestures to indicate what I wanted! Otherwise walk into a room and shut the door behind you.

              Hopefully she'll get the hint. Angry faces are good too

              Sorry about your DH not backing you up

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              • #8
                sorry it's taken so long to get back DH is watching every move. MIL is East Timorese/ indonesian. Last Tuesday she kept trying to put DD to sleep and refused to hand her over to me so could feed her
                Last edited by Jackie-Tiana; 08-07-2006, 13:19.

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                • #9
                  OK, thanks

                  I just want to say that I feel for you I remember the amount of info/advice I was given when Wyatt was born, it really did do my head in

                  You need to sit your DH down here and advise him of what you are feeling. YOU are his wife and he needs to support you when it comes to being the mother of his child.

                  The language barrier would be so hard too, at least I could tell MIL to back off!

                  If she does not start to get the message or if DH is not helping out in regards to his mother, I wouls start making myself unavailable, or even better, have you got your mum handy? Get her to back you up or any other close relative of yours

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                  • #10
                    My friend has a korean mother in law who is pretty old fashion. Well, what my friend did when she is trying to convince her MIL is telling her that the nurses forbid it as it's bad for the baby. it's the only way to get her MIL to listen.

                    As for me, when i was breastfeeding, my mum kept telling me that my milk is not enough for my son that i should give some formula to my son. It hurt my feeling but i was strong and wont give in. I know it's hard but i've gotta do wht i felt best.

                    As for seafood, according to chinese medical pratitioner seafood might cause infection to healing wound. That's probably the reason why your MIL didsnt allow you to have it.

                    I hope your MIL wont be staying forever...otherwise u probably have to learn some indonesian to get your msg across (well, that's wht my friend did-Learn Korean). Good luck!

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                    • #11
                      I feel for you. Can you get hubbie to tell her that you guys need to spend time alone?? Somehow get her to leave you guys alone and get on with things.... I do feel for you tho.

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                      • #12
                        Darl, you don't have a MIL problem, you have a DH problem.

                        Sit down with DH and explain, very calmly, that you are upset with him because - you and the baby are his family now, his mother is merely his relative. He should be supporting you and not running to his mother. He is a father now, not the child. Explain that you are hurt when MIL treats you without the respect due to you as the mother of his child. He is supposed to be your advocate and in your corner.

                        Tell him that he has to start standing up for you. Who would he rather make happy? His mother or his wife? If it is his mother, he can go sleep in her bed, because he won't be welcome in yours.

                        Good luck. This is not going to get better until DH is on your side once and for all.

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                        • #13
                          Thank u all for the helpful tips. DH has apologised for not being on my side. let's hope the apology stands next time MIL is around!

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                          • #14
                            i hope your DH is standing up for you more now
                            how is MIL acting now?

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                            • #15
                              I can imagine how you must feel.. but like my grandmother says.. "Take it all with a grain of salt"

                              With the breastfeeding issue, tell her you'd like a bit of privacy - surely she can respect that??

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