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  • #16
    i know that this post will be taken the wrong way by some, but i assure you its not intended how it sounds.....

    Some, NOT ALL, potential donors may see that you have 2 children already and therefore chose to donate to a couple who dont already have children.

    This does not dismiss how you feel or that you are not entitled to be considered, but its just something i think that you should keep in mind if you dont get many responses when you advertise.

    I do feel for you, as i have a daughter and now 22yrs later would love to have another but cant and when i express this, my second husband just says " you already have one child when some have none - be grateful" - this may sound a bit harsh but it will be as some see it.

    Best of luck in your search.

    Comment


    • #17
      Hi Pisces
      I feel your pain about not being able to have another baby.

      I didn’t take your post the wrong way, but I’m not sure what motivated you to post it. I know that I will be way down the list for an egg donor, but I also know that if I didn’t ask then I would regret that for the rest of my life.

      Perhaps it would have been kinder to do so via a PM. I don’t want this to be a discussion on whether some-one should have one, two or more children.

      I’m just a woman wanting a baby, that’s all.
      Ashanti

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by pisces00 View Post
        i know that this post will be taken the wrong way by some, but i assure you its not intended how it sounds.....

        Some, NOT ALL, potential donors may see that you have 2 children already and therefore chose to donate to a couple who dont already have children.

        This does not dismiss how you feel or that you are not entitled to be considered, but its just something i think that you should keep in mind if you dont get many responses when you advertise.

        I do feel for you, as i have a daughter and now 22yrs later would love to have another but cant and when i express this, my second husband just says " you already have one child when some have none - be grateful" - this may sound a bit harsh but it will be as some see it.


        Best of luck in your search.
        I think this post is very hurtful. Ther are PED's who will donate to some one who has children as they understand that families come in all sizes and 3 is a good number of children in a family. Considering how many times you have been an ED I would think by now you would know that it doesnt matter how many children a woman might have it does not make the pain of not being able to have another any less than wanting your first child.
        sorry Ashanti but this woman has realy piddled me off.

        Comment


        • #19
          OMG how insensitive and hurtful especially to write this on Ashanti's thread. Not even a personal PM would be acceptable, if you feel that way then you should keep your comments to yourself. Haven't you helped many families out yourself over the years? Is that a selection criteria that you follow when choosing recipients, that they have no children??

          It's not about a list at all, my opinion is, it's about the ad you write and the story you tell that allows PED's to see who you really are and getting to know you allows them to make their decision.

          Big hugs to you Ashanti and finding your own special angel egg donor.

          Comment


          • #20
            with khris and heatherRob, that post was not needed. we are all sitting here on the edge of our seats/lives hopeing to find out special egg/embie angel and we don't need to be told any negative thoughts . We have enough of those in our own minds. No matter if you already have kids, or what age you may be.. if we want to have a baby then why can't we find a way to do this.. Sure our bodies are not playing nicely.. but that's not our fault. We have every right to explore any option to have a family.. Ashanti you have every right to want to have another little one in your life.. and I hope you find your angel very very soon and then you can post on here your fab news.. There are all sorts of PED's out there reading our ads and posts, the righ one will find us all. i am sure of it..

            Sending you lots of good vibes sweetie..

            Comment


            • #21
              Did any of you actually read every word of my post? I completely understand how she feels, empathised with her, didnt critisise her at all !!!!!

              I just put it out there that SOME potential donors may want to only donate to a couple who dont have a child and therefore if the offers of a donor are little or none this may be the reason.
              Did i say that she was not worthy of a donor? NO! And funny enough her background is very very similar to mine so of course im not going to critisise.

              The reason i put this up is because a friend of mine is continually losing potential donors when they find out she has a child already - and the reason given from at least 3 of the potential donors was that as she already has a child and they want to give someone else a chance - this reason alone has shattered my friend who, until she pressed them for an explanation of thier reason not to donate, spent many sleepless nights trying to think why she was rejected time after time.

              My post was not vindictive, nor cruel just realistic and i wouldnt want this member to feel like my friend ( if she didnt end up with a donor that is). Remember that this is a public forum that allows us to post things that are helpful, supportive and sometimes realistic.

              Comment


              • #22
                but in saying all that i apologise to you if i offended you in any way - this was not my motive for posting at all nor was it my intention to appear unsympathetic to your situation. I myself have donated to couples who already have children. I think that when i read your post i immediatly thought of my friend and how being turned down time after time mentally affected her. I know this is a little different from your situation but i meant to offer some kind of 'reasoning" if you went through the same thing.

                Im not a horrible person, and i am sorry for my post comeing across as insensitive.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Hi Pisces
                  Don't worry, as I said I wasn't offended about what you said, I just didn't think to post it publicy was really the right way to go. I didn't understand your motivation to say it and now I do. It must have been really hard for your friend.

                  I like to focus on the positive things and this forum is just so great....good people doing good things for good people.

                  We are all here because we either need support or want to help others. Even if I am unsuccessful I will still be very grateful for being in this place and hope that along the way I too can help anyone with their journey.
                  Ashanti

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    HeatherRob, Megan75 & Khris

                    Thanks for your kind words.
                    Ashanti

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      No worries Ashanti.

                      But you know what looking for an egg donor we all have those sleepless nights, when I first posted you couldn't get me off my lap top, waking up at all hours of the night to check if someone had responded. I have been hurt emotionally by PED's spending time getting to know them etc etc and then one day never hearing back from there? Where's the sympathy in that, don't they know we have been through enough.

                      In your original advertisement of looking for an ED Ashanti, If I was in your shoes I would feel the same too, that am I less worthy of others because I have children already? It is very brave of you to ask, but like you stated you will never know if you don't ask. Having 2 or no children, your ad just screams your love and want for more.

                      Good luck in your search for an

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by pisces00 View Post
                        but in saying all that i apologise to you if i offended you in any way - this was not my motive for posting at all nor was it my intention to appear unsympathetic to your situation. I myself have donated to couples who already have children. I think that when i read your post i immediatly thought of my friend and how being turned down time after time mentally affected her. I know this is a little different from your situation but i meant to offer some kind of 'reasoning" if you went through the same thing.

                        Im not a horrible person, and i am sorry for my post comeing across as insensitive.
                        I guess it is all easier for us to take offence and not really read between the lines we are all human and we all have over the top emotions when it comes to our own individual circimstances concerning having another child...I for one didnt take offence as I read your post for what it was a bit of insight into how (Possible Donors) may think... We all would like to think that having extra children/age/ marrital statis ect wont affect how PED think but they do and even though we may kid our selves into thinking other wise...it happens and we also probably have our own criteria and questions that need to be answered when we find the "one "that may be suitable,

                        I am sorry your comment caused such an uproar and mine probably will too but I guess hind sight is a wonderful thing...We just all have to remember it is a very tough and hard road with many on the same journey but we are after all ...after the same thing getting us that little bundle of joy and that includes PED's they are on here looking to be able to help "Someone"that fits what they think will be the perfect candidate for them..who knows most may change their mind into who that "someone "is and be trolling through these threads and find one of you....and their whole concept that they thought was perfect has changed..... Remember the words we post on here are here forever....

                        So ladies keep positive and stay hopeful because anyone reading our posts could be our special PED

                        Trish
                        ps piscies00 you are not insensitive or heartless and I commend you in donating your eggies to another family and goodluck in your next search xxxxx

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          thank you Trish42, when i read back my post its totally understandable that i ruffled some feathers and i honestly forget that when typing you cant interpert tone etc, what i wanted to do was just offer perhaps some insight and in no way upset the person who started the thread. But my apology was sincere, and in future i will think a bit more before posting some advice or insight.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by pisces00 View Post
                            thank you Trish42, when i read back my post its totally understandable that i ruffled some feathers and i honestly forget that when typing you cant interpert tone etc, what i wanted to do was just offer perhaps some insight and in no way upset the person who started the thread. But my apology was sincere, and in future i will think a bit more before posting some advice or insight.
                            You are welcome.....
                            You are right we all tend to interperate tones and meanings and get it wrong and your post was not intended to cause heartache but clarify what you had experienced through a friend
                            Trish
                            xxxx

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Originally posted by khris View Post
                              No worries Ashanti.

                              But you know what looking for an egg donor we all have those sleepless nights, when I first posted you couldn't get me off my lap top, waking up at all hours of the night to check if someone had responded. I have been hurt emotionally by PED's spending time getting to know them etc etc and then one day never hearing back from there? Where's the sympathy in that, don't they know we have been through enough.

                              In your original advertisement of looking for an ED Ashanti, If I was in your shoes I would feel the same too, that am I less worthy of others because I have children already? It is very brave of you to ask, but like you stated you will never know if you don't ask. Having 2 or no children, your ad just screams your love and want for more.

                              Good luck in your search for an
                              Khris so sorry for what you have been through with some PED's I guess some feel they want to help but havent really thought about what really is involved in being a ED and once they find out they get scared off who knows...and dont forget there are also PED's out there that have been hurt by their IPs as well

                              Just dont let these moments make you lose hope... There are wonderful and genuine women out there they just havent found the right IPs yet and you never know she may find you not on your post but by something you have written on someone elses post
                              Trish

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Ashanti
                                I can assure you that not all PEDs are looking for recipients who have no children. In fact, it was one of the things that drew me to my IPs and another couple that I had wished to donate to (unfortunately, I was not in a position to continue on that journey).
                                I am sure that I am not the only ED out there that feels this way either.
                                Hope you finds you soon

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