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  • #16
    i love the idea of another baby, they’re so cute and cuddly and it really is so cozy. but..i don’t want another kid. most days my hands are more than full with two. the idea of another variable to juggle onto the mix fills me with dread. i feel a mix of sadness and relief as we slowly jettison the baby stuff as dd outgrows it. i do feel a sense of excitement as we begin to see the kids grow in independence and slowly become less physically reliant on us for every single thing. you start to get back parts of yourself and have more time. so i will always treasure the baby years (they really do go so fast, it’s unbelievable that not so long ago i was pregnant with ds, and now dd is a toddler and 2 in april next year) and remember them with fondness, but i don’t feel the need to keep having more babies to hold onto that feeling. i think another baby would probably be too much for us, we have so little family help and support and it’s a lot for two adults on their own. i have no desire to give up my career either, i’m not a sahm by any stretch.

    for those reasons, i know in my heart we are done with babies. if i were to fall pregnant by accident i have no idea what we’d do, it would be a real dilemma. but we definitely aren’t planning for any more. we have two beautiful kids, a boy and a girl, really can’t ask for anything more than that.

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    • #17
      How do you know when you’re done?

      For me, I’m like Borntobe said, “when you know, you know”.

      I haven’t ever stopped being clucky, and love watching One Born Every Minute [emoji5] but after baby number 4, I felt content and done so to speak. I also told myself I wouldn’t have babies in my 40’s, and being that I didn’t start till my early 30’s, that was what I did and my last baby was at 37.

      As the kids get older and more independent, it makes the decision a lot easier, for me anyway. The more the years go by, the less I imagine being back in newborn/toddler days and am loving the new chapters.
      Last edited by Mod-Uniquey; 13-10-2020, 14:01.

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      • #18
        I wish I could be absolutely certain. I know I'm done, but I do still have that little niggly voice, that I shove a sock in, that tells me, "just 1 more, maybe it'll be a girl, how cute are babies."
        Then I remember how little support I get from df and how crazy things are now, I couldn't imagine trying to add another to the mix

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        • #19
          When we made the decision I did not have the "when you're done you're done" feeling. I had doubts and uncertainty, I had lots of thoughts of hoping for an accidental 3rd. I felt like my head won over my heart in the decision to stop at 2.

          However, once DH got the snip and I could mentally move on from any possibility I found complete peace with the decision. That was a few years ago and now I look at my family and the idea that there could have been another just seems odd. There is definitely no sense of there being someone missing etc. I definitely don't regret the decision even though at the time I was not sure I was done.

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          • #20
            We always said two children but after DS2 was born I had this feeling that someone was missing. Sounds silly but I just didn’t feel like our family was complete.. DH tooK a lot of convincing but DS3 joined us in June 2019. As soon as I heard his first cries I knew I had all the little people I needed and felt “done”.

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            • #21
              I guess that's where my head is at when I don't feel "done". I look at my two kids and almost feel like someone is waiting in the wings. I don't know if it's just because I'm 1 of 3, so my brain automatically goes to 3, but even when I'm feeling spread thin I don't feel like this is "it". I don't look at photos of all 4 of us and go "Yup, this is our family". In fact I think more of the "We're growing..." But in saying all of that, if DH definitely feels done then I guess we'll be done. I'm still happy.
              I also have "survivor guilt" in a way. I am surrounded by female friends who are struggling to have their second or even their first. So I feel a bit selfish or indulgent dreaming of a third.

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              • #22
                How do you know when you’re done?

                .
                Last edited by Loh4; 30-11-2020, 23:05.

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