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  • advice needed

    It's a long story so I'll keep it brief...

    I may have fallen pregnant ..6 weeks
    I'm a single 34yr old lesbian. (sure of that now)
    I'm not ready to be a parent.
    I know I could go full term surrogacy for a couple that really wanted a child...

    I have a family history of alcoholism (but good stock..8th generation aussie - first fleet family ) and the father's family has a history of drug induced schizophrenia.

    My question is: Would anyone want a baby with those risk factors? Would you do it? Where do I go to find out who wants a baby?

    As you can see I know nothing about these things and would be gratefull of any advice anyone has.

    I hope I haven't shocked or offended anyone.


  • #2
    I wish I had the answers to all your questions but I don't I am sorry. As for a baby with that type of genetic line, I am sure their are many ppl out their that wouldn't care about that at all.

    Have you done a pregnancy test yet also?


    • #3
      I am not sure how much help I can be but I wanted to first give you a and say that you havent shocked or offended me!

      My advice would be to do a HPT and confirm if you are pregnant or not so that you know for sure. There is no point in worrying for no reason.

      Secondly, if your certain that provided you are pregnant you want to give the baby up for adoption, there are people out there who wll adopt your baby. The family history is important but many people are willing to overlook that in order to have a child.

      As for who you would contact, I would try the Family & Childrens services, they will know who the right people are to help out.

      If it were me, I would be possibly speaking to a close friend or maybe a counsellor to help to clear things up in my mind.

      Hope this helps somewhat! Goodluck with everything.


      • #4
        Good luck with everything. There are many, many couples who would love to raise your baby as their own and if we all had our family history checked then probably none of us would be allowed to have babies in the first place, so I wouldn't worry about that at all!!

        Keep us posted on your journey.


        • #5
          Thankyou all for your kind words of support. I feel like I've fallen into a rabbit hole and I dont have a map!
          will keep you posted and continue research.
          Thanx again

          love and light to you all



          • #6
            Hi and welcome Souly

            I have no helpful information, sorry but just wanted to give you a as this must be a very stressful time for you.

            Both dh and myself are genetically predisposed to alcoholism, diabetes and mental illness YET we didnt hesitate to bring a child into this world(with another one on the way ) so I am sure there is a loving couple out there who would jump at the chance to raise, love and care for your child(if this is what you desire)

            I wish you the best of luck

            btw our bubs are due around the same time(im 5weeks pg) so if you ever want to chat just pm me!



            • #7
              Hey Souly
              Sending big ur way hope everything is
              going ok feel free to pm me if u wanna chat as
              i no alot of wat ur feeling like


              • #8
                There are so many couples desperate for a child that I dont think it would bother some people your family's medical history.
                Good luck in making the right decision - and big hugs to you.


                • #9
                  Hi! We have 2 kids and want more but we are also wanting to adopt some children. Most people wouldn't see it as a problem, i know we wouldn't, any child can get anything i think its like a lottery with them all. Feel free to email me i do foster care and have alot of the mums wanting to talk about this. It helps to talk and maybe right the pros and cons and then you may get your answer.


                  hope it all works out,


                  Mum to- 4/1/84

                  Andrew- 26/10/03
                  Kaitlyn- 10/10/05



                  • #10
                    hi there, im like a grown up version of ur baby.
                    my dad is an alcoholic and so is my uncle, my sister is a drug addict and has schitzophrenia. yeah i know, great family
                    but i think ive turned out ok. i dont particularly like drinking and i never have or will take drugs.
                    just as long as the adoptive parents know what to look out for so that they can nip it in the bud if that time ever comes


                    • #11
                      Hi Souley
                      I think you are such a brave women, to be thinking of carrying your baby to give it to someone else, takes alot of strenght to do that. I admire you.


                      • #12

                        hi soulfire can'nt offer you any advice but woud dearly to adopt your as i can 'nt have babys of my own me and my husband are not wealth we are both hard work hard we are both down to earth and are will to support you through the pregrants and if you have chage your and you are to keep the baby that fine you can contact me via pm.

                        thank you good luck jo-anne
                        Last edited by BH-bubhub; 17-07-2006, 14:12. Reason: don't put phone nos in forum - it can be viewed by anybody


                        • #13
                          hi soulfire, im sure anyone would love to raise your baby
                          the things your talking about are more to do with environmental factors then genetics
                          good luck


                          • #14
                            hi souly

                            my family also has a history of alcoholism. i personally almost never drink. i am fine, there is nothing wrong with me at all. same as my brother. my cousin has drug induced mental illness as well. but all my other cousins are fit, healthy, smart people who drink sensibly.

                            i think this is mostly because we were made aware of the family history when we were old enough to make the choice about our lifestyle habits. we chose to be alot more conscientious about drugs and alcohol. i think that if you tell the adoptive parents about the history, they will probably tell the child for the same reasons my mum and dad did. or you can write it down in a letter for the child that the adoptive parents can give to them at a later stage in life.

                            but honestly, i wouldn't worry too much. if you are a healthy, mentally stable person and so was the father, chances are your beautiful baby will be as well.

                            don't feel bad or guilty for wanting to adopt him/her out. you are to be admired and feel proud of yourself that you haven't taken the other path of abortion (non judgemental call, i have had one myself). the choice to bring the life into the world so that someone else can love them is absolutely amazing.