No announcement yet.

Problems with ex

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Problems with ex

    Because I don't post much here's a quick history, I'm 18, my son is 2, and I have 100% care of our son.

    My ex after ages has decided to see our son when she wants to always on short notice, I'm ok with that and each time she says she will take him for several hours usually till about 7pm.
    When she does that I sometimes get calls to go to work till like 6 and I go because I need to work desperately.
    She often 2 hours later then calls me at work and wants to drop him back to me so she can so something with her boyfriend or friends, so I have to leave work then she's complaining when I get home because she had to wait.
    I love that she wants to see him again but when she just wants to just drop him whenever she wants is becoming a problem, I'm tempted to say no more and set fixed days and fixed times with her.
    I want her to be able to see him any time, I let her into my house no strings even when I'm gone, she can even have her boyfriend here too when I'm not here if she spends the time with him, life is in chaos because she's so fickle am I being unfair? I feel like I am walking on eggshells with her and if I tell her want I really feel I think she might walk away again which I don't want for our son.

    Secondly, I am profoundly deaf, I have been since birth, my son has moderate/severe hearing loss and is slowly getting worse, I have cochlear implants now it's been suggested my son should get them too, and I think he should my ex thinks he shouldn't I have explained it to her but she doesn't want him to have the surgery because she thinks he will experience too much pain. I think that's dumb but she won't sign the form which the surgeon wants unless I have a sole custody order that I don't have.
    I don't know what to do.
    Any ideas?

  • #2
    On the last point, there's not a lot that you can do except try to explain/get her to speak to doctors etc. in the hopes she'll come around. That must be so hard though.

    For an alternative view - I have a cousin who is Deaf. When she was little, her parents debated cochlear implants and decided against it in the end. They were pretty conflicted. As an adult (she's in her 30s now), she's happy that they didn't go ahead with the implants as she's a keen scuba diver, and wouldn't have been able to scuba dive had she had them.

    As for the timing thing... she's seriously messing you about - being incredibly immature and selfish. I can absolutely understand why you want her involved, but you shouldn't have to run your life on her whims. If she's willing to pick up some of the responsibility of being a parent (such as putting off other plans because she needs to care for him), then perhaps your see-him-whenever approach may work. If, however, she's going to fall back on you as being the only responsible one when she finds something better to do, three I'd be setting set times/dates, or ensuring that every plan genuinely works for you before you agree to it.

    All the best.


    • #3
      Tough one. But I would try for a sole custody order so you can start parenting in a way that's best for your son. That means routine, and medical decisions.

      I've not gone through custody issues before, but I think keeping track of everything would be a great start. Records of texts and phone calls. Keep an accurate history of everything


      • #4
        I like what [MENTION=70791]Wise Enough[/MENTION] suggested - Try to seek sole custody. Also, well done for being such a responsible young dad. I hope things work out for you. All the best!
        I am not an early bird or a night owl.
        I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.


        • #5
          Hi there..
          If you wanted to go down the road of full custody, its very hard to get and is very costly. The first step is to go through mediation. If she doesnt agree to what you want the take it to court.
          Its sad that she wont sign the paperwork to get that done for her son. I applaud you for being a great day at such a young age. My partner had to go through this with his daughter when his ex decided she only wanted her one night a week.


          • #6
            She sounds like she is being immature and selfish. I would get some mediation happening even if you don't want to go down the sole custody route, try giving legal aid a call for some advise. Your son needs consistency and you do too in order to plan your life (work, etc) so I think some rules and routine regarding visitation would be a good idea.


            • #7
              I don't really want to do sole custody but I almost feel forced and I haven't done mediation before or any formal stuff but maybe it is time for it.
              All this scares me I don't want to do it but he needs to get the implants but she hasn't said no to signing for them but she just don't want to do it.

              Thanks for all the great advice.


              • #8
                She is being selfish. Its not about her its about putting your sons best interest first. Thats what he needs done then there really shouldnt be a question.
                Which state do you live in?


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Emma1217 View Post
                  She is being selfish. Its not about her its about putting your sons best interest first. Thats what he needs done then there really shouldnt be a question.
                  Which state do you live in?


                  • #10

                    Have a read this will give you information on what its for, why etc
                    From my experience stand your ground if you do mediation theyre supposed to be a third party more often than not they will try and side with the mother.
                    Make sure you go in with a list.


                    • #11
                      Hi Mason, I remember you posting about Christmas previously, I have wondered how you have been getting along.
                      If it seems overwhelming could you perhaps speak to your parents about helping you get organised with taking the steps to sort the issues with the medical care your son needs and also custody issues with the ex?
                      You are doing a wonderful job especially given your age, I just wish you could have more support in general.
                      Well done Mason, I just wish your ex had your lovely heart and common sense.


                      • #12
                        If you want to go to mediation, I would suggest contacting Relationships Australia or googling "Family Relationship Centre" your area.

                        They can provide mediation for free, however the downside is that it can take months and months to be seen. If you want to get in earlier, you would need to see a private mediator. I'm not sure if the cost. If you do end up proceeding with mediation, have a firm idea of what you want to achieve - ie just a discussion of issues surrounding the implants and visitation or something more eg a signed parenting plan. It may be beneficial for you to obtain legal advice prior to attending to get an idea of what is and isn't feasible.

                        If you don't think mediation is for you at this stage, given you are both young, is talking to her parents an option? Either you or your parents?
                        Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 08-08-2017, 20:43.


                        • #13
                          Actually, I've just had an idea.

                          Do her parents see your son?

                          Would you be comfortable with and do you think they would be open to having your son on a regular basis, say one day per week or if that is too much a couple of days for shorter amounts of time. That way your ex can spend time with your son by visiting her parents, you won't have to deal with her not turning up or cutting visits short and you would have regular times that you are available for work.

                          ETA for the implants, could you bring her to a medical appointment so she hears issues first hand and has the opportunity to discuss any of her concerns.


                          • #14
                            You've been given a lot of good advice. Not sure who you would see in the GC but here is SA relationships Australia is who you'd see for mediation. Make an spot with them and go in and plead your case. The ex will get a letter of she ignores she'll get another one she to will go in and plead her case. Both parents used to have to do a 1 night course on parenting then you meet with the mediator either seperately or together. You can work out a parenting plan then and there

                            As for his surgery my ds1 needed an operation when he was 18 months old. I didn't need the ex signature at all and there where no orders in place at all. And ds2 is having grommets next months and still again my dh doesn't need to sign anything they just asked for who will care for him on the day and 1 signature being me


                            • #15
                              Thanks again for all the awesome advice, it gives me a way forward and things to look into.

                              I am going to look into mediation tomorrow and see what options I have here, I'm going to ask my parents to go with me.

                              The doctors want us both to sign, they want her to sign so she understands what is going to be done.

                              Her parents don't see our son much, sometimes they come over and spend some time with him, but they don't do anything to help but then I've never asked them but I think I need to do mediation to get anywhere.
                              I'm going to talk about sole custody tomorrow and see what I can find out