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How do u know when you've moved on?

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  • How do u know when you've moved on?

    Well, how do u know?

    Have you moved on?

    How long did it take?

    If you haven't, why not? What's stopping you?

    For me, I feel like I have moved on when I want him to move on and experience a loving relationship with someone else, without having any feelings of jealousy or hatred.

  • #2
    ok u asked lol so this might be long...

    well i met my ex in 04' and we had a really great relationship for a long time... brok up sometime in '05 and remained really good friends and we were still sleeping together every week and hanging out and clubbin etc... then i fell pregnant in '06 and we seperated for a while and got back together for the second time when i was about 4 months pregnant and we were really good friends but our intimacy died... so bout a month ago we broke up for good...

    having baby together we will always be friends because we cant avoid each other realistically and we broke up before we started to hate each other and i can honestly say i havent shed a tear in nearly a month because when something is over it has to be over IYKWIM...

    i think u know when you've moved on because u can think about them and smile and not get that sick feeling when u think about them touching/being touched by another person... i've started dating again and in the last week i've met a guy who is amazing and is really friendly and we're going out this weekend and im HAPPY. for the first time in a LONG time i feel free of his emotional burden... he wasnt a HAPPY guy if u know what i mean... his family are horrible horrible depressing, money-hungry people who have made his life miserable and to be honest i was sick of fighting it... sick of hiding my happiness so he wouldnt feel as bad... and dispite how much i tried he couldnt be happy because of his family... but i figure now that is his issue not mine and i cant be around that constantly if i want to be happy in my own life and skin. i NEED to be the happy relaxed and grounded person i am for my daughter...

    and i think i've finally met someone who makes me happy even if it only lasts a week at least now i KNOW i deserve happiness!

    so for me it didnt take long because our intimacy died a while ago, so it was easy to get over the physical side... emotionally some days i still want to call him and tell him about my day but i just save the good bits to tell him when we see him every week/weekend.

    i think it helped that we had a good seperation and i know he has feelings of jelousy because people are attracted to me *not sounding up myself hopefully* but i've always made friends easily where as he only has two friends and i am one of them... and i know it hurts him seeing me with other people but at the same time it was his choice as much... if not more to seperate. so i know we'll be just fine even if it does take time.


    the thing that makes it easy for me to KNOW i've moved on is that THIS time... im not waiting.. im not keeping myself open emotionally for him to return in a physical and emotional sense... im moving on and ready to put my heart on my sleeve again for this guy and if it needs to be... many more. because im happy and im in search of happiness.

    in saying this i dont NEED a man to complete me. i am perfectly capable of being happy on my own and i am an individual person who has confidence... but its always nice to have someone to snuggle with on rainy days lol...


    so i know its long and if u got this far thanks lol. hope that answers ur question in ANY way lol.
    Last edited by *babygirl*; 08-11-2007, 19:32.

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    • #3
      I kinda feel the same way as you. We have only been split for four weeks, but it has been over for a long time. I don't have any feelings towards him and I want to move on with my life, but he is constantly bringing up the past and asking for chances and I just don't know how to handle it so I avoid him whenever possible... I know that sounds horrible, but he never cared when he was with me and now I just don't want to be with him anymore and he doesn't seem to even be trying to move on...

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      • #4
        Wow, you ladies are both 19 yet so mature!

        Thank you for sharing your answers with us. Love the details! I'm not so good with them most of the time, especially since my ex is a member here, so I can't write much about him

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        • #5
          Wow Tru I don't think I'd be on here if my ex was!
          You had a good point but even though I'm well and truly over my ex I still can't stand that thought. I know it happens but I hate the thought. Well, the BD part anyway. But that has more to do with my own insecurities than him.

          I think you know you've moved on when you can look at things again and not be reminded of him. One of the things I had problems with at the start was the supermarket because I would have so many memories flash through my mind when looking at different items. Mostly because he was the cook in the relationship. I found it hard to go there then one day it stopped. Same with things around the house. I was able to use things without thinking of him.

          Another one is when something shocking or sad happens to you and you don't immediately go to call him.

          The other thing is when you are walking through a shopping centre and no longer burst out in tears and walk around blubbering when "your" song comes on the loudspeaker. I won't ever forget the time I was shopping and I heard our song and didn't feel sad - I was walking around with the biggest smile on my face after that. I remember thinking "yay I'm over him" lol.

          I had a very intense break up due to crazy pregnancy hormones. I think if I hadn't been pregnant (with all the things that comes with that IE terrified of having a baby by myself etc) and really sick then I would have just walked away. That's what I've always done with break ups. I definitely surprised myself and him and everyone else when I took it so badly. I'm normally not like that with men. So because it was so intense I think I went through it all and was over it all quite quickly. I just wasn't able to take anymore, I really wasn't coping, so I had to make it stop. And it did. It was a conscious decision I made. I think it was around 6 months until I was totally over him and knew I wouldn't ever take him back.
          Last edited by OneBabyBoy; 08-11-2007, 21:11.

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          • #6
            for me i had disconnected emotionally a long time prior to the actual separation so it was quite easy. I was more sad for my son than myself. Not that we were separating but that he doesn't have a father who is a good role model etc.

            i don't have any real feelings for the ex besides annoyance atm which is to do with our property settlement and him being over the top in his expectations and he very little interest in his DS.

            I knew I was ready to move on once I returned feeling like ME which I had SUPRESSED for a very long time. Wow I am here and back and happier than ever.

            Then I put myself up on RSVP and Wow I have met my new boyfried and everything is falling into place. I feel very lucky that I have met someone that I feel really good with, like we compliment each other and have a connection.

            I also don't think about my ex (only in the sense of him seeing his DS) AND that he has done me a FAVOUR. If someone thinks they have won x-lotto finding him good on them He's all theirs...

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            • #7
              i think the thing that helps me too is that we are actually friends still and we both love DD to bits... while we are compatible anymore for a realtionship its the one thing we both love in common... he gets sooo excited about seeing her after work on mondays and on the weekend.. he comes over and we just chill out with baby for ages then he leaves... the first few times he left i was a little sad but i guess i know he'll always be around... and he is taking her on saturday arvo and he was talking to me tonight telling me how excited he was cause DD is im the early process of learning to crawl lol...

              so i guess ill never be 'over' him in the sense that we never see each other again... but emtionally im fine IYKWIM

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              • #8
                Originally posted by *babygirl* View Post
                i think the thing that helps me too is that we are actually friends still and we both love DD to bits... while we are compatible anymore for a realtionship its the one thing we both love in common... he gets sooo excited about seeing her after work on mondays and on the weekend.. he comes over and we just chill out with baby for ages then he leaves... the first few times he left i was a little sad but i guess i know he'll always be around... and he is taking her on saturday arvo and he was talking to me tonight telling me how excited he was cause DD is im the early process of learning to crawl lol...

                so i guess ill never be 'over' him in the sense that we never see each other again... but emtionally im fine IYKWIM


                Thats so beautiful and so very mature...

                Good for you!!

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by OneBabyBoy View Post
                  Wow Tru I don't think I'd be on here if my ex was!
                  ....
                  It is hard because BubHub use to be my place to come and talk about what was going on in my life, and seek advice from lovelies like yourselves. But I can't express myself completely anymore (especially about what he's done to me), or I'll be in trouble.

                  I'm going to stand my ground and stay on BubHub though. I was here first and he can't stop me

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by tru View Post
                    I'm going to stand my ground and stay on BubHub though. I was here first and he can't stop me
                    Good for you!!!

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