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Same Sex Parents TTC#6

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  • Same Sex Parents TTC#6

    Some clinics will sign you off an medically infertile after 2 or 3 unsuccessful IUIs, others will do investigations to move you from socially to medically infertile. It's worth asking both FS and clinic (as they bill separately) what their criteria is to bill you as medically infertile.
    We did 3 x IUI and 8 ivf transfers, so if you have any specific questions, fire away or PM me.

  • #2
    FWIW we went through CF in Brisbane and had no issues - and 2 kids! Not reciprocal IVF though.

    Was it the FS you felt was not listening to you, or other clinic staff? If it was the FS, try another one, they're not all created equal!

    Do you have a donor or will u be using a clinic donor? That can kind of tie you to a clinic, so make sure you're happy with the clinic before you pick a donor, or have your donor giving donations etc.

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    • #3
      Definitely agree with [MENTION=120829]JustJaq[/MENTION] regarding donor tying you to clinic- especially if you want same donor for more than 1 kid.

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      • #4
        We used city fertility at the start and honestly didn’t have an issue with me. We used anne poliness and she was great for us.
        But that was 3 years ago and even though we did have success( but had a partial molar pregnancy) we actually didn’t go back. They weren’t the most helpful after the miscarriage. We actually have had two successful pregnancy with at home insemination with a known donor. Our daughter just turned one( i carried) and our second daughter is due in July( my wife carryinng).

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        • #5
          Thanks all, that's a good point. We're using clinic donor sperm and we were given about 12 possibilities (CMV negative) from which one looked great, so I guess we're happy to stay within the CFC network with the same list.

          The FS was lovely, the staff were lovely, it was just like they're all stuck in this heterosexual model that they didn't seem to actually take on board anything we were saying that involved two sets of eggs or two uteruses. Which just makes navigating everything even more confusing for us.

          I'm hoping going their big gay clinic will fix that problem and we'll have a better conversation about the plan we're trying to make.

          Our options are Anne Poliness (whose name I've seen come up here once or twice) and Vadim Mirmilstein (who seems really well reviewed and is an obstetrician too) so I guess either seem good?

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          • #6
            Also, meant to say congrats Jujubean! That's kinda amazing that you went from a clinic to the home version and had more success there. I hate hearing stories like no one being helpful after a miscarriage, that's pretty damn crappy on their behalf. Congrats on baby no 2 <3

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            • #7
              Originally posted by BBBB View Post
              Also, meant to say congrats Jujubean! That's kinda amazing that you went from a clinic to the home version and had more success there. I hate hearing stories like no one being helpful after a miscarriage, that's pretty damn crappy on their behalf. Congrats on baby no 2 <3
              Thank you[emoji4]
              We did really like anne. She always was up for whatever and honest with us about everything.

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              • #8
                Oh god. I just cried down the phone at the poor person on the other end at Rainbow Fertility. I think just as a stress reaction to the whole humongous undertaking and the idea of starting from scratch. She was super lovely, talked me through the process a bit better, apologised for the experience starting out crappy and after pointing out that the clinic and process will be exactly the same place and staff (Rainbow Fertility is literally just the consulting space, everything else happens through CFC) has my partner and I convinced enough to try again with CFC and our current FS. So we're going to give it one more try and if it sucks, switch to a different network altogether.

                Back into the fray I guess

                Thanks for your support I appreciate it

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                • #9
                  [MENTION=156316]BBBB[/MENTION] my partner and I did reciprocal IVF through Rainbow Fertility. We dealt with CFC in Liverpool and our experience was mostly positive. Our son is 14mo.

                  We did however find their (CFC) administration lacking. The communication between CFC nurses and the FS wasn’t the best either but I think that was due to a large staff turnover at the time.
                  Once I did fall pregnant and had a few scares the staff were fantastic with my very emotional self who would call them in tears daily.

                  We will be using them again in the not too distant future. Good luck [MENTION=156316]BBBB[/MENTION] it is a very emotional journey but worthwhile in the end

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Juju bean View Post
                    We used city fertility at the start and honestly didn’t have an issue with me. We used anne poliness and she was great for us.
                    But that was 3 years ago and even though we did have success( but had a partial molar pregnancy) we actually didn’t go back. They weren’t the most helpful after the miscarriage. We actually have had two successful pregnancy with at home insemination with a known donor. Our daughter just turned one( i carried) and our second daughter is due in July( my wife carryinng).
                    Firstly, oh my gosh! How exciting! I didn’t realise babe was due so soon!! Time goes so fast and I can’t believe we are back to planning a first birthday party for our littlest babe [emoji33][emoji33][emoji33][emoji33]

                    Wishing you both a smooth end of pregnancy and I’ll be watching for the birth announcement!



                    Originally posted by BBBB View Post
                    Oh god. I just cried down the phone at the poor person on the other end at Rainbow Fertility. I think just as a stress reaction to the whole humongous undertaking and the idea of starting from scratch. She was super lovely, talked me through the process a bit better, apologised for the experience starting out crappy and after pointing out that the clinic and process will be exactly the same place and staff (Rainbow Fertility is literally just the consulting space, everything else happens through CFC) has my partner and I convinced enough to try again with CFC and our current FS. So we're going to give it one more try and if it sucks, switch to a different network altogether.

                    Back into the fray I guess

                    Thanks for your support I appreciate it
                    Welcome! My wife is Beauty so she’s already covered this mostly but we have two little babes using her eggs. We initially planned to switch and I was going to carry using her eggs and vice versa. Our plan changed for two reasons... firstly, we had 9 high quality blastocysts at day 5 (when we found the right clinic). We used our first of those and froze the other 8 and our first transfer worked and she is now our 2 year old. We knew we still had 8 beautiful chances at completing our family with the embryos waiting for us and that was incredibly hard to overlook.

                    Secondly, when I looked down at our little babe I obviously felt connected to her which I knew I’d expect having carried her knowing she was my daughter despite genetics but I also felt incredibly connected to the idea of her future sibling being one of those embryos created using the same genetic makeup. It’s hard to explain but I no longer viewed the embryos we had as just our embryos but also her potential brother or sister being in there too. I knew my wife would carry our second and that would mean I wasn’t physically or biologically connected but I also knew looking down at a baby that looks nothing like me (I have dark hair and dark eyes and she is blonde with blue eyes) that nothing would ever make me feel like these babes we set out to make were 100% my family.

                    When our littlest was born I felt as much love and as much of a connection to our first. She was our first transfer going back and I felt too lucky and psyched myself out to thinking something would go wrong which made it hard to connect in a way but it was in reality because my love for her was already so fierce that I was terrified she’d be taken away. Almost one of those too good to be true moments I guess.

                    Now she is 8.5 months old and I look at our girls and think about how yes they are both completely biologically related which doesn’t matter but with different features at play the reality is that if we’d used my eggs they wouldn’t have ever looked like siblings and whilst there are millions of families made up of mixed families, they have two mums to already tackle on the playground and I didn’t want them having to convince people that they are indeed sisters. I know a lot will think that’s a weird way to think but it was something that I considered long and hard for their sake. Of course that could leave people wondering if they are my kids but I’m an adult and equipped to navigate that. I have no insecurities about the role I play as their mama so it wouldn’t phase me if someone questioned me but it can be hard for kids to work through those things so I wanted that to be at least a consideration. Ironically whilst the kids look so alike, my wife who had the fair features gave birth to our second who has darker hair than our first (more like a dark blonde/light brown) and hazel green eyes not the blue eyes she has! You’d think it was the other way around [emoji23]

                    So ultimately we made the decision to use what was there and waiting and there’s not been a single day where I have questioned that or been compelled to use my eggs for any babies. We have completed our family but if for any reason we decided to have another I would 10000000% be sure I’d want to use one of the embryos we have left.

                    The other interesting thing is that I completely connected to our first knowing she wasn’t biologically connected to me but that I was physically carrying her HOWEVER I am now 33 weeks pregnant as a gestational surrogate for some friends and not genetically connected to this baby but obviously physically but not in anyway emotionally connected.

                    My bond with both babies actually came in the preparation of their arrival. Your partner might find the same as everyone finds their own unique way to bond during a pregnancy. For me it came with looking at names, buying clothes for them, setting up their nurseries and just imagining life with them.

                    For me, physically carrying a baby no matter who’s genetics are at play isn’t enough to feel connected and I absolutely feel as connected to little babe as I do our bigger babe ❤️ there’s absolutely no difference to me and her bond with me is as strong as it is with my wife too so she doesn’t seem to know any difference haha.

                    One last thing because I have written a novel! In terms of costs - my wife did a normal egg collection cycle with normal costs associated but we were eligible for a rebate as she has PCOS (also worked in our favour as she had so many eggs collected). By miracle for the first time ever our cycles naturally aligned that month so we were able to do a fresh transfer. Our FS was adamant in not charging us for the transfer (which a fresh one is normally included in the egg collection cycle anyway) as either way he would have been transferring an embryo that day either to my wife or to me didn’t make a difference to him and his work. The only extra cost was that I had a blood test and scan to confirm ovulation before the transfer and I got part back from Medicare anyway. So I think we paid about $60 for that.

                    Had our cycles not aligned, we would have been charged for a frozen embryo transfer because they would have frozen them and thawed one when I was ready. We were prepared for that anyway and some women are forced into frozen transfers after an egg collection because of hyper stimulating so that expense isn’t exclusive to reciprocal IVF - it’s just a timing matter. If you have to freeze them then you add the cost of a frozen transfer on top of the egg collection. I hope that makes sense! Aside from that one bloods and scan, doing reciprocal didn’t cost us anymore than a normal ivf cycle!!

                    Wishing you all the luck! It can be a daunting road but my gosh they are worth it ❤️

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                    • #11
                      Thank you so much for this! I feel in so many ways like this kind of family growing is still so new in the world that it's like there's no template to follow or no one we can talk it through with, so I appreciate beyond words hearing your stories and experiences.

                      I think that's amazing, the three different experiences with creating babies that you've had and are having (carrying altruistically is incredibly beautiful of you) and the difference seems to be knowing that the baby is yours, whether carried or not, bio-related or not...and that's so reassuring and lovely to hear.

                      We go around in circles a little bit. Like there's no way I would doubt that my partner's biological baby was ours, but at the same time, having a niece I adore and having lost my dad pretty traumatically some years back, there's another strange draw I have to having a child that's biologically linked to them which I'm trying to unravel.

                      Then my partner is also absolutely down for having any child that's ours, bio or not, but then also she's confided her scariest fear is the idea of somehow feeling like she's not a part of the family, which I think is probably her own lingering childhood experiences exacerbated by the weird start we had at our clinic. So we have lots to kind of come to terms with in making our plan and that's before we throw in our fertility differences to the mix!

                      I guess we're lucky in that we have similar hair and eye colour so either way we're not too far out, but also it's so funny when you throw in donor sperm, I mean our theoretical child could look entirely like a stranger genetically and yet I can't imagine that mattering either.

                      I really appreciate the perspective on the variety of ways you can feel connected to a baby and I can completely imagine that terror of it not working making it hard to allow for easy connection. I feel like it's already really emotionally risky territory and we're still in purely the paperwork side of things

                      I'm really into the idea of finding different ways for the non-carrying partner to create that bond and connect and I especially love that it doesn't seem that your baby knows the difference, she's just got two mums who love her. That makes me ridiculously happy to hear.

                      Also, the sibling thing makes total sense to me! And I've actually never considered that. Having two sisters myself, as an adult I've always appreciated being able to look at them and have that visual reminder of our bond. That's something else to think about.

                      God, thank you so much for sharing, it's honestly appreciated more than I can say.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Ashen View Post
                        @BBBB my partner and I did reciprocal IVF through Rainbow Fertility. We dealt with CFC in Liverpool and our experience was mostly positive. Our son is 14mo.

                        We did however find their (CFC) administration lacking. The communication between CFC nurses and the FS wasn’t the best either but I think that was due to a large staff turnover at the time.
                        Once I did fall pregnant and had a few scares the staff were fantastic with my very emotional self who would call them in tears daily.

                        We will be using them again in the not too distant future. Good luck @BBBB it is a very emotional journey but worthwhile in the end
                        Thank you so much for this! I found a similar issue the first time I called up Rainbow in Melbourne, that communication even just for booking seemed a bit average. Speaking to them on the phone the other day though they were really lovely so I don't know. I guess we'll keep going with CFC for now and see. It's so lovely hearing you got your baby boy at the end of it! Exciting you're going to be going for number two!

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                        • #13
                          Hey everyone, DP and I are about to start TTC # 2. Initial appt this afternoon. I was just wondering if I’d have to have all the work up done again? Scans (internal) and bloods (Amh)? I carried last time with DP’s egg and this time the plan is to use my eggs and carry again. We hope to do an IUI first.

                          Just trying to gage a timeline as today AF arrived. Wondering if we can jump straight in or will I have to allow this month to get the work up done again?

                          I’m sure our FS will inform us today, but just wanted to see either way what is standard for TTC second time round.

                          Baby dust to all TTC!

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                          • #14
                            I only redid AMH test after using up my frozen embies, so that was more to do with the stim cycle rather than restarting treatment.
                            Good luck with #2, hope it's a short journey!

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by TandR View Post
                              Hey everyone, DP and I are about to start TTC # 2. Initial appt this afternoon. I was just wondering if I’d have to have all the work up done again? Scans (internal) and bloods (Amh)? I carried last time with DP’s egg and this time the plan is to use my eggs and carry again. We hope to do an IUI first.

                              Just trying to gage a timeline as today AF arrived. Wondering if we can jump straight in or will I have to allow this month to get the work up done again?

                              I’m sure our FS will inform us today, but just wanted to see either way what is standard for TTC second time round.

                              Baby dust to all TTC!
                              How exciting! Hope the appointment went well! IUI definitely seems more straight forward! Hopefully they will just monitor you for ovulation and do the insem! I’ll be following along!

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