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  • Hi![emoji122]🏻[emoji112]🏻[emoji1327]

    I need some fashion advice? I've had my baby. A beautiful little girl. She is four months and my body is (more or less) back to the way it was before I was pregnant. Adding a few stretch marks.
    My problem is this. I need pretty, practical clothing OTHER THAN jeans and a t-shirt. With a baby, I don't know how to do that. I had on an outfit a few days ago (wedges, skinny jeans, a singlet, and a cropped jumper) this is pretty much everyday wear for me. But I was taking my daughter to the doctors.
    My husband said I looked like (the s word) and really made me feel that my fashion sense is completely wrong. He asked me "what kind of person wold wear that to take their baby to the doctor" (although his language was much more hurtful. I'm sure you can imagine.
    But I have worn the same kind of thing for years and he's never said anything about it before. He's even told me I look nice. I feel very very hurt and lost. I definitely don't want to look like a ****.
    Any advice? I need comfortable clothes I can deal with the baby in, do house work in and if they get spewed on or anything they won't be ruined. I tried a few dresses and even those he said "your a grown up with a baby now, you need to dress appropriately". (Again, language edited)
    Please help.....

  • #2
    I think the issue here isn't your fashion sense or lack there of. It's your jerk of a husband. I have 3 kids, heading for 40 and now I've lost the weight from my 3rd child I wear exactly the same thing. My DH says I look gorgeous/hot and would never dare say that sort of thing.

    So you can't wear skinny jeans or dresses. What constitutes 'dressing appropriately'? A burlap sack? A 1980's grey track suit set 2 sizes too big? After reading how he treats you like a slave, now this.....? Read this and your other post about the housework back to yourself and replace 'I' with it being your daughter. What would you tell her?

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    • #3
      Yep I agree with [MENTION=22589]delirium[/MENTION]. You have every right to go to the doctor in a g-string bikini if you feel like it without your husband, your *life partner*, using that sort of language.

      You do you. It's hard enough coping with the change to your self-identity after becoming a mother without feeling like you have to change to fit into the pigeon hole your hubs has set aside for you.

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      • #4
        Wear what ever the hell the want to is my opinion. Wear what your comfortable in not what your jerky DH wants you to cover up in. He should be proud if your back in your skinny jeans and not something that's 3 sizes to big for you.

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        • #5
          He had always complimented the way I dressed before I got pregnant and would make me feel so attractive. "Show your butt off, it's the best butt I've ever seen." He even brought me a few pairs of skinny jeans in other colours. Now it's, wear tops that cover your ***, don't wear jeans that show off every f*ing curve. Your **** is sagging and once you loose it, you know I'm gone. I feel so f*ed. as I wrote in the post about house work. Unless I'm up till 1-2 in the morning I just can't find time to get in the gym, let alone energy. Motivation I have plenty of. I hate myself. Lol.

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          • #6
            I also feel like he's such a hypocrite. Ever since I've known him he's been a little overweight. Now he has a real gut and says he's doing something about it, that he's embarrassed but never does anything. He only dresses nice and puts effort in if he's going out which is rarely. Which of course I understand... To a point. I have to reassure him all the time that I find him attractive. Yes I see you are holding weight, but you are not unattractive to me. I know you will deal with it. Etc etc.

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            • #7
              I'm sorry but your husband sounds like an ar$ehole! Correct me if I'm wrong but did he say to you that your ar$e is sagging and if you loose it he will leave you??? Please don't hate yourself, it sounds as if there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you are wearing and how you look. It's him that has something wrong and there is no way in hell I would be putting up with those disgusting comments. He should be ashamed of himself.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by BitsHead View Post
                I also feel like he's such a hypocrite. Ever since I've known him he's been a little overweight. Now he has a real gut and says he's doing something about it, that he's embarrassed but never does anything. He only dresses nice and puts effort in if he's going out which is rarely. Which of course I understand... To a point. I have to reassure him all the time that I find him attractive. Yes I see you are holding weight, but you are not unattractive to me. I know you will deal with it. Etc etc.
                Have you pointed this out? You've grown and birthed a baby, what's his excuse? When he says "you know once you loose your butt I'm gone" I'd reply "well if we are talking about ending the relationship over letting ourselves go, I should be long gone".

                There is nothing wrong with what you described. You are young and skinny jeans are what's in atm. Given you say he used to tell you to show it off, coupled with him needing constant reinforcement you find him attractive - it seems he's trying to 'mummafy' you in case someone finds you sexy and you stray. Which shows how little he trusts you as well as respects you.

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                • #9
                  I used to. When I was angry and he'd call me fat, lazy etc I'd say the same kinds of things back. That all he does is sit on his fat *** and does nothing and expect me to be understanding. But then he started to really get in my face about it. So I don't do that anymore. In a normal and calm way when he asks me about his weight I tell him. Otherwise it's not talked about.
                  If I'm with him and ask him to pick between two outfits for a dinner or something he has picked the shortest dress.. I understand that when I'm with him he wants to "show me off". But we rarely go out together and I don't want to look frumpy and weak when I'm out by myself. I still want to look nice. Yeah I'm a mum now but I really didn't think I'd have to change my style that much, yeah, no more micro skirts (like I ever wore them anyway) stuff like that. Look respectable, classy... Not half dead....

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                  • #10
                    I'm sorry BitsHead but you sound like you're in a very unhealthy relationship.

                    Please don't internalize his comments, your posts show that you know he's full of cr@p, so don't let him make you feel bad about yourself.

                    Your dress sense sounds fab! It's tights & a T here unless I'm going somewhere special WITHOUT the kidlets.

                    But, what you wear is irrelevant. The problem is how your DH is treating you.

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                    • #11
                      [MENTION=138822]BitsHead[/MENTION] am I correct if I guess your DH is a bit older than you? I remembered from a previous thread (sorry your name just sticks in my head!) that you're 20 but he has much older kids? Like almost close to your age??

                      I'm wondering whether now you've had the baby and have snapped back to your pre-pregnant self he's feeling a bit threatened? I may be way off base but I could see how that might happen with a large age difference. He suddenly feels old and you dressing like a normal 20 year old emphasises that.

                      I'm not excusing his behaviour and honestly when you say he liked to show you off I internally cringed. You're not a dog at a show. You're a human and the mother of his child.

                      He needs to either grow up and accept you dress the way you dress (which o guess hasn't changed since he first met you) or deal with his feelings in a mature way.

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                      • #12
                        What a ********...

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                        • #13
                          He is older than me. By about 15 years. There are lots of things he does that I really don't like. But I've never been in a relationship before him and he says the way I act no one else would give me time of day. Only a total bogan retard would live with me the way I am.
                          I don't mind too much how he talks about me and the way I was before I met him because I know if I didn't meet him I would be one of those girls with lots of kids to different people. I wouldn't have known any better. Then again, he says some really horrible things about what I've been through and I feel like he really holds them against me, even though it was out of my control. I really do love him. And when he's nice he's fine. But that's few and far between these days. I know I've done more than my share of bad things to him as well but I don't think that gives him any right to be that way to me. I don't know. It seems the longer we are together the worse it gets, not better. And now we have a baby together and he has promised me that he'll never let me leave with her. He says I'd **** her up more than I was/am. It scares me because I know I couldn't give her what he can. I don't have the money or the means or the life experience to give her the best. But he does. And I'm scared that one day I'll just accept that and leave, only I could never live without our daughter. I know he does love me in a way. Which way, I don't know.

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                          • #14
                            Kids don't need money or means beyond a roof over their head, food in their bellies, clothes on their back and heaps of love. As someone almost double your age with that life experience, your child is going to be far more damaged seeing her father abuse her mother like this. Statistically girls who are raised in these type of households often marry men just like their fathers and boys often become their fathers.

                            He has you bluffed. That you can't raise your child on your own, that you can't do better than him and that he's somehow saved you. That you can't give her what he can. You can give her much more than him - love and a healthy home. And you want the truth? It's HIM that can't do better than YOU. As a woman pretty much exactly his age, I would run like a dog shot in the a@se from a guy like him and so would most other women in their 30's.

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                            • #15
                              😔 OP just because he says it doesn't make it true. I think you need to start saying that to yourself in the mirror every morning until you believe it as you start thinking about your exit plan.

                              This man has no respect for you whatsoever. I can't see how this will change. You deserve better. Your baby deserves better.

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