Do you wonder what all the fuss is about? Do you keep quiet when other people are talking about it? Have you given up even trying to get there?
One in three of you will struggle with this. And sadly, some women never get there at all.
This is the part of my work that I am most passionate about, because I firmly believe that every women deserves to feel the pleasure of orgasm and I know that it is possible for (almost) every woman to ‘get there’. For some women though, it takes learning and practice.
We’ve seen it in movies, we’ve read about it in books – toe curling, spine-tingling ecstasy – but it’s not always as easy as we’re led to believe.
Women are complex – our sexuality and sexual organs even more so! Orgasm requires just the right amount of tension and relaxation. It is harder when we’re tired and near impossible when we don’t feel safe and connected to our partner.
To help you along, here are my top 5 tips for reaching The Big O:
1. Take your time
Women’s bodies take 20 minutes to prepare for sex, in today’s fast-paced world so many couples simply do not spend enough time in foreplay to get women over the line. It takes women longer to warm up than men, it’s a fact of life – don’t feel guilty about it – enjoy it! Turn off the TV early if you have to and spend an extra 15 minutes getting in the mood.
If you know that you could be interrupted any minute, it’s going to be harder for your body to relax and for you to let go. Put a lock on your door, hire a babysitter, drop the kids at Gran’s or go to a hotel – whatever you need to do to help you relax!
3. Discover what you like on your own and then ‘teach’ your partner
Don’t know where the G-Spot is? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Just last year, I needed to explain to a client of mine where her clitoris is.
Women are rarely encouraged to explore our own bodies – so how can we know what we really like? And if we don’t know, it seems a little unfair to just leave it to the guys to get the job done.
4. Move your pelvis
You can’t orgasm if you’re not moving. Move your body. Rock your hips. Build tension by contracting muscles in your pelvic floor.
5. Get assistance
There’s nothing wrong with getting a little help. Many women orgasm only through direct stimulation of the clitoris and a vibrator is often the easiest way to do it. You might also benefit from reading books on how to orgasm or seeing a sex therapist.
If you are struggling to reach orgasm, know that you’re not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. Have patience, practice, and seek help if it’s causing you concern. All women deserve to feel the pleasure of orgasm.