It’s the most common question I get asked by women: “I just never feel like sex, what can I do to boost my libido?”
Despite the recent release of a female libido pill, the answer isn’t usually simple.
Differing desires around sexual frequency are often the cause of much tension in relationships. When a person isn’t getting the amount of sex they want they can become angry and frustrated.
This makes the issue harder to deal with and leaves the other partner wanting sex even less!
What can make it even more frustrating – for both of you – is that you may not know the reason that you’ve lost interest in sex. There may actually be multiple reasons you’ve lost interest in sex.
Here are just some of the reasons women lose interest in sex:
Lack of energy, hormone imbalance, pelvic sensitivity problems.
Lack of connection to partner, overwhelmed with children, low body-confidence after children
Past sexual abuse, change in perception of yourself as a mother, anger with your partner, a power imbalance in the relationship.
You might not care if you never have sex again, but chances are your partner feels differently.
A healthy sex life can help you both feel happier and more connected to each other. So there are good reasons to address the issue.
Here’s 5 things to help bring passion back to your relationship and boost your libido:
1. Decide to address it
Decide that this is something you want to address and talk about it with your partner. If you don’t talk about it, or if you end up fighting about it every time it comes up, it’s going to make it much harder to deal with. Getting your sexual connection back will take time and a bit of effort from both of you; this is something you need to work on together.
2. Check it out
If you think that the reasons might be physical, check it out with your GP. Is everything OK physically? With your hormones? Thyroid?
3. Work on your health and fitness
Take care of your health and fitness. Do what you can to boost your energy levels! Try: a 15 minutes walk each day, healthy meals, less TV at night.
4. Take time for yourself occasionally too
If you’re not getting time for yourself, sex is likely to feel like just another chore at the end of the day. See if there’s a way you can find time for yourself – perhaps in the morning before the kids are up. Or perhaps your can arrange for someone else to have the kids for a couple of hours of week so you can have ‘you time’.
5. Start with touch
Physical touch is important to turning women on. Unfortunately if touch always leads to a request for sex, you might find yourself avoiding it all together. Talk to your partner, try to find a compromise and start with the parts of sex that you do like, such as hugging or kissing. Move on from there.
Re-igniting your desire for sex will take time, patience and maybe even professional help. But your relationship is worth it – keep at it.