Have you ever wanted something so badly that the sight or thought of someone else having it made you furious, sick to the stomach or tearful? Maybe it’s that promotion, that partner, that baby?
Desire can motivate us, but taken to the extreme it works in reverse, driving away what we most want, spiraling us down into despair. This may sound overly dramatic for those who haven’t experienced this. However, I’ve worked with many clients experiencing this, and I know many of you will totally relate to what I’m saying.
The situation is even more upsetting when you know you and your partner have been trying so hard to make your bodies and your environment as healthy as possible, to give your baby the best possible start. You possibly started detoxing and destressing 6 months before ‘officially’ trying to conceive. You now know exactly when you are ovulating and when you need to have loving sex. But it’s been over 12 months, tests show there’s no physical reason not to, yet you still haven’t conceived. Your stress levels are skyrocketing and the healthy eating and drinking are consequentially becoming difficult. It feels so unfair to be struggling when everyone else seems to be breeding like the proverbial rabbits.
You’ve no doubt heard, seen or read of “The Secret”, The Law Of Attraction etc, so perhaps feel that since you want something so badly, it has to come to you. The key, of course, is how you feel when you are thinking about what you desire. How you feel about a goal anchors into your body, so, after repetition of desire, simply the sight, sound, mention or thought of the goal (or similar) will immediately generate the same response in your body. The idea is that you are filling your body with positive sensations, so psychologically and physiologically you program yourself that this goal is a very good thing for you. The bonus is that you are certainly more likely to achieve your goal/desire, and most importantly, your journey will be a pleasant positive experience.
The opposite works the same way. If you continually experience strong negative emotions when you think of your desire e.g. anger, jealousy, frustration, sadness, fear, guilt, you will anchor those into your body. The result is you’ll associate your goal with pain, and strive to avoid achieving it. So, you not only miss your desire, you have a miserable journey grabbing at something you always keep out of reach, in order to protect yourself from the pain.
For example, this means that if you are conceiving, on IVF or not, the sight of someone else’s baby or a pregnant woman sets off a negative emotional chain reaction, and you are, in fact, training your body that “baby = pain” and “pregnancy = pain”. And, of course, we are programmed at a survival level to instinctively avoid pain. You need to train your body to believe that “baby = love” and pregnancy is a highly desirable state. You may need to collapse your negative baby and pregnancy anchors (easily done using Neuro Linguistic Programming).
Next, you need to layer in a new positive anchor by flooding your body with warm, loving, protective, happy feelings at every opportunity. This will involve stepping out of your own ‘stuff’ and looking at a baby with new eyes, marveling at it as the innocent, unique and miraculous being it is. Touching, holding, smelling and looking at it lovingly will all generate the positive anchoring in your body. Likewise, the pregnant woman you see is also a miracle on her own journey. She’s not chosen to conceive to hurt you, and by ascribing that meaning, in your body, you hurt yourself more than anyone else could.
Likewise, if you are jealous of another’s good fortune, e.g. a promotion or successful business, you are anchoring in that success = pain, or wealth = pain. You are also closing off opportunities to share that good fortune. If you were expanding your business and looking to ‘head-hunt’ a former colleague, would you consider the one who had sour grapes, or the one who was generous of spirit, and genuinely pleased at your success? Take a moment to look at a desire you haven’t yet achieved, and ask yourself what you are anchoring in, and whether you are helping or hindering your chance of success. Look at ways you can turn your attitude and behaviour around to serve your purpose better.
The idea of making this shift may seem impossible, but it can be achieved more quickly and easily than you can imagine, if you have access to the right techniques, and you do.
– this article was written by Sue Lester, a Master NLP Practitioner and Coach at Growing Content, Brisbane