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13-05-2008

it was negative....

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06-04-2008

37 minutes ago

this morning my neck is a bit better, still sore but improving...as for other symptoms now....sore boobs is about all now...expect maybe wind.

I have been counting the days down to tommorrow for 2 weeks, but now its almost here I am so scared...Im sure it will be a negative...but that hasn't prepared me to except that.

Im sad that it has taken me this long to find this forum the support has been amazing.

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06-04-2008

Apr 04, 2008 08:09PM

This morning I didn't wake up at 4.30am as I have been since about 3 days after my FET. I slept in until 8.30am, when I went to get out of bed my back and neck locked up, I don't usually suffer for back or neck pain but its so bad I dont think I will be driving today because I can't turn my head to look out the blind spot.

I still managed to do another HPT though and it still managed to be negative.

I have finally given up hope, I know I have my BT in two days...but seriously a negative at 16DPT its not going to be a + BT. As for AF not being here...its not very comforting when you know the progesterone pessaries and oestregen tablets are the only thing keeping her at bay.

When I started this journey almost 3 years ago I wasn't sure I truely wanted a baby....I had previously tried desperately for about 3 years and after having no luck and then the relationship ending I decided I didn't want anymore children and I would just concentrate on being happy....I now know I was just trying to protect myself from the feelings I am having now. But after starting a new relationship my current DH really wanted children so I told him I would try my best, my heart really wasn't in it at first.

Now I am sitting here completely devestated that this was our last chance and it hasn't worked. Last week after the transfer I was completely convinced I was pregnant and with twins even....I was sooo sure....I almost bought 2 matching cots (cribs) off ebay!! But now yes I still have sore Boobs and I am spotting and gassy....my smell is heightened....but BFN. Its a cruel joke if you ask me. This FET just seemed so different to the other times. I was sure this was it.

I guess we could go back to trying naturally (HAHA) considering I don't ovulate of my own its highly unlikely.
I wish I could go back to convincing myself that I don't want a child. But I can't I know its a lie.

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06-04-2008

Apr 04, 2008 09:06AM

Not much happened today...I have started spotting again...only when I wipe but it is a red marble effect kind of CM.

Apart for that I was a little sensitive to smells today...but no new symptoms...oh my bb are still sore but no nipple tenderness.

I have one HPT left and I intend to take it in the morning then I guess I will have to wait till Monday for the BT. Stills seems so far away.

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06-04-2008

Apr 03, 2008 02:19AM

Last night after convincing myself to go back to work because I just obsessing over TTC here at home.
My girlfriend rings me upset and asks if I can come over....of course being a good friend I went out in the cold rain and drove to her house when I got there she was in the kitchen with a HPT on the bench....You guessed it she had a + HPT and of course the first thing I said is OMG CONGRATULATIONS thats great!!!.

But not for her she didn't want that result so I was sitting there trying to console her thinking life just sucks she doesn't want to be pregnant at all....I am desperate to be pregnant and well....its not looking good!! I hugged her and told her to wait till her due date (in 4 days) and test again then...just in case her period comes anyway.

I drove home for her house bawling my eyes out....knowing if she is pregnant she will be having the baby right when I would be due if I got a + this cycle. I felt completed cheated. Why!!! If there'a a god or angels why would they bless her which is a disater for her and not bless me who wants a child more than anything.

Im so depressed now....And this morning another BFN 14 DPT FET......

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!

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