Instant love???

[petster]

Hi All

Not quite sure if this is the right place to post this thread - but here goes...

This is quite a confronting question I'm going to ask, but I hope you ladies out there can be honest with your replies...

When your baby was born, did you immediately fall in love with them? Was it an instant all encompassing love you felt for your child?

I shall explain my reasons for asking this question... I didn't feel an instant love for my daughter when she was born... I had an emergency caesarean that was so far off the natural birth I was hoping for... I don't know if that explains it... What I do know is that I had expected to fall instantly in love - that's what all the books tell you happens! I had a romantic notion of how it would be - and it just didn't happen like that! I felt such GUILT that I didn't love my child. I didn't feel anything really, except an obligation to look after this child that was now my responsibility... Thankfully the feeling of love for my daughter has developed - it really only took a few days - and now I feel like I have so much love for her I could shout about it from the rooftops!!

I suppose I'm just wondering if anyone else out there felt the same, and curious if it has anything to do with the birth - that is whether it was traumatic or not...

Thanks in advance for your honesty...

Cheers!

[ThomasMum]

On the day I gave Thomas birth eventho I had him through elective c/s. I was glad that he's healthy boy (first grand and great grandson in my husband's family)He’s got the most beautiful big brown eyes and perfect dimple cheeks like his dad, and the moment he grabbed with his tiny fist and hold on to my fingers I was immediately falling in love with him!

Esp now, Josh and I both crazy about Thomas. In our website there's no longer a place for anything else but Thomas's world. Our blog would starts with the word Thomas this Thomas that...

Gtg must give Thomas his fave bath now!

[Chickadee]

Hmmm. Tough question. I felt proud, stunned and protective of Chloe from the first moment. I suppose love counts in there too but it wasn't like an overpowering WOW! After the first week in hospital, once we were home, I mostly remember feeling overwhelmed.

Little things do make a difference as bub grows and my feelings grew alot when she started to interact. Her smile still gets me every time.

hi miranda
i will be totally honest and say that i felt exactly the same as you and i DID have the natural drug-free birth I was hoping for. Which was absolutely the best thing ever, but it hurt so much and was so long that I felt nothing but sheer exhaustion and self-pity afterwards. They handed me this baby girl and all I could thing was "Oh my god!!". It was very surreal and like you, I had had such hugely built-up romantic expectations about what I would feel.

It's funny you should ask if it had anything to do with your birth. I wondered if I had had an epidural (and hence, not felt so stuffed from all that pain!) that maybe I would have feel something more for her.

I really just felt EXACTLY the same as you: that now I am 100% responsible for this inconceivably vulnerable creature and how overwhelming that emotion was. It really took weeks, not days, for those really strong maternal-type feelings to kick in. But boy, do they ever, hey!!??

I am so glad you typed your post. It has made me feel better about my lack of immediate infatuation with my baby!!! I don't htink it really matters. Seems to me that after a very short time, the lioness in us all kicks in!!

BTW - out of curiousity, did you get some baby-blues and on what days? how long did it last??

rachel

[petster]

Thanks for the replies so far guys...

Rachel, thanks so much! I nearly cried when I read your post!! Yay!! I am not a freak!!!

Eleni was born on Friday night, and Monday for me was a horror day for the baby blues... I didn't cry lots - just mainly "Oh my god what do I do with this baby", and guilt over the lack of "instant love". And jealousy because my husband was so smitten!! I don't think it lasted too long for me... Maybe just another day or so...

Cheers!

hi miranda
how interesting. i got the BBs about 28 hours after alice was born (we came home after 24 hours, so I think that's why it hit me early) and i think what hit me the most was the stark contrast between what I had anticipated i would fee and what I really did feel. i felt so helpless with this crying 1-day old and everytime I looked at her, her beautiful eyes freaked me out and I had a bit of an existential crisis I think!!! It was like my awareness of the whole birth-life-death cycle had completely collapsed into that moment as I stared into her eyes. Her utter vulnerability and new-ness sent my emotions soring and I cried and felt so strange. I remember saying to my husband once something way too deep and very weird like "who is this person? nobody knows her. she doesn't even have any friends!! (LOL!!!)

Hormones hey?!!

[mumofethan]

i think that rachel might be right with the pain factor...

i instantly fell in love with my son when he was born, but i had had epidural all through my labour and delievery so i didnt have to think about any pain, all my attention was on my special little boy.



Michelle

[xkwzit]

Hi Miranda and Rachel

Well I did have an epi with both births and I would say that both times the birth process was quite calm and relatively pain free. However, it still took me a while to fall in love with my girls. From the beginning I was v protective and pretty stunned, but love came gradually. I think that I was operating on a really basic level during those first few weeks (when new babies are really needy) that I didn't really have time to think too much, I was too busy doing or sleeping. But I didn't feel guilty about it, because I wasn't really expecting instantaneous love.

Hope this helps ...

[jamb]

Good thread!

I too took awhile to truly fall in love with my little bub. I had a horrible and very long labour and also wonder if I had been given the epidural when i asked (or should i say begging for for 6 hours) would that have made a difference. I was utterly exhausted. Whaty also impacted on me was that I had thought i would have a natural birth and be allowed to stay with my hubby in the birth centre. When things went wrong I lost that privilege and had to stay alone- this totally freaked me out and I just cried and cried because i wanted my hubby there.

I was so proud of myself and of my baby, in awe, the love came when I got a handle on being a mother- you know when you finally think okay i got this under control. the love now is unexplainable- lioness is a great description!!!

[Elfin]

Wow we all feel the same. I can remember having the same feelings and being ashamed and have never told anyone. But like every relationship, love needs a bit of time to grow. Now I love my kids so much it is indescribable. I felt very protective from the word go, overwhelmed, pleased, tired, drained, emotional, stressed. Think that about covers it

These feeling must be really normal for new parents, it is just one of those things that aren't discussed.