Birth Trauma from a Doula's Perspective

**Celebrity** · 01-06-2007 06:30

I attended a birth last week, and cannot seem to get this off my mind, so I thought I'd get it off my chest.

My lovely client had a baby boy by caesarean birth 4 years ago, and desperately wanted a VBAC this time. The hospital wanted her to have the baby by a certain day as her liver was failing, and the baby was in distress.

With acupuncture, walking and I think a bit of positive thought, we managed to bring her into natural labour. By the time we arrived at the hospital to have her waters broken, she was already 4cm dilated.

About 8 hours later, we were still walking and positioning, and she had reached 7cm. But on a further check at around 4 hours later, she had remained at 7cm and had cervical swelling. The baby's heart rate had dropped significantly, and tests were showing that her liver was not coping.

A decision was made that she was be having her baby immediately. I watched my client and her husband cry, and beg for more time.

To this the doctor responded (in a calm and loving manner)

"Honey in ten years time it won't matter how you had your baby"

This is still ringing in my ears, because I know it will matter for the rest of her life.

I wanted to grab the doctor and shake her!

My baby was born by emergency caesarean birth at 26 weeks, 7 years ago. I remember every detail leading up to my anaesthetic that knocked me out for my baby's birth, to the look on my husband's face when I apologised for him missing Aimee's arrival. I remember the breathing tube being ripped from my throat when I awoke from an induced coma 2 days later. I remember trying to stand up, but not being able to move. I don't think ten years will remove these memories.

I know that I am lucky to be alive, and to have my daughter. I am lucky that her brother was born safely, in a similar manner. But despite being "lucky" I have to remember the indignity that the hospital dished out, mixed with the knowledge that they gave me my life and my baby's life.

News Flash Doctors - Ten years does not fade the memory. The women you say this too believe what you say. If you can't think of anything else to say, don't say anything at all.

**Ana Gram** · 01-06-2007 11:59

Originally Posted by Celebrity

If you can't think of anything else to say, don't say anything at all.

I can't agree with that. I think a doctor then saying nothing would be awful!!

**rynosmum** · 01-06-2007 12:20

It sounds like your feelings are completely justified, you obviously went through a great deal of pain, stress and emotional upheaval at the birth of your daughter.

Perhaps he worded the comment wrongly as whilst his comment may be true for some, it's not true for all.

I have only ever experienced a VB. Some of my friends have had C/S. To me, on the surface and without C/S experience, I see a story where although the process wasn't as anyone had hoped, her life and the baby's life were maintained.

For someone who has been through what you have though, how would it be better for him to word things or for others, discussing the procedure post birth with the Mum and Dad, what should they say to be equally happy with the outcome but sympathetic to the process?

**nut** · 01-06-2007 12:26

ITA that how a baby is born always matters. She shouldn't have said that.

**~Emmylou~** · 01-06-2007 12:29

Originally Posted by Celebrity

"Honey in ten years time it won't matter how you had your baby"

This is still ringing in my ears, because I know it will matter for the rest of her life.

agggghhh!!
This has been said to me quite a few times since my son was born.

WHEN will people (doctor's included) get it through their thick skulls that the experience of childbirth is one that stays with a woman throughout her entire life? The sounds, smells, emotions of that day become memories that she has forever - good or bad.
I looked forward to, dreamed and wondered about the births of my children since I was a little girl.
Am I just going to forget about those experiences now that they are over? No! I expect I'll still be thinking about those two days when I am old and gray.

God that makes me so angry. Your poor client...

**Celebrity** · 01-06-2007 13:33

Originally Posted by chellegoth

I can't agree with that. I think a doctor then saying nothing would be awful!!

Again Chellegoth you have completely missed the point.

**Ana Gram** · 01-06-2007 13:36

Originally Posted by Celebrity

Again Chellegoth you have completely missed the point.

Then perhaps you should make yourself clearer.

**xkwzit** · 01-06-2007 13:42

Everyone reacts to life differently and so, for some ppl, the doctor's statement might be true. For others, it will never be true and is (rightfully) offensive.

The doctor was trying to reassure this lady when she was stressed and vulnerable, maybe she was clumsy / offensive about it, but I think you have to give her some credit for her motivation.

Cheers

**Celebrity** · 01-06-2007 16:33

Originally Posted by chellegoth

Then perhaps you should make yourself clearer.

Perhaps you should not bother opening my posts if you constantly disagree with them.

**Ana Gram** · 01-06-2007 17:01

Originally Posted by Celebrity

Perhaps you should not bother opening my posts if you constantly disagree with them.

Excuse me??

I open what I think might be interesting. There is absolutely no reason to be so rude. I commented on a statement you made that I do not agree with. If I got the wrong idea from that statement, perhaps you should reword it.

I do not look for threads by you to comment negatively. I rarely look at who has made the thread, purely the contents.