Feeling jealous and annoyed.

**Leeny** · 31-05-2007 21:32

Im kind of looking for some reassurance...At the moment I just feel a bit alone and pointless in the family. Im having major issues with dd showing no affection towards me.

Before dh went to canada, I'd say the affection and love was spilt 50/50 between us, but since dh has come back, all dd wants is "daddy daddy daddy" or grandma grandma grandma. If I even look at her...literally...she screams and shakes her head and yells no no no no at the top of her lungs.

It just p*sses me off, because not only have I always been her main care giver ie. feeding, putting her to bed, dressing, bathing (dh has never bathed her...not once...oh wait, I tell a lie, he watched her for 2 minutes while I went to the toilet once

)...when dh was away in canada for a while, she was with me, alone nearly 24/7, and I had none of the problems with her that I do now.

As soon as he got back, it was daddy daddy, I was sidelined, and I thought she'd calm down, but she hasnt. If he leaves the room, she screams. If mum leaves the room, she screams, if she goes to work, she screams. If I leave, she doesnt give a hoot!

Shes been throwing the most ridiculous temper tantrums and getting herself into a complete rage, and I cant even touch her, she just screams worse, yet if either of those 2 pick her up, shes fine, settles right down, and cuddles them, and glares at me...

I guess im just hoping to hear that its just a phase, and that she's going to grow out of it, but its just getting worse. I kind of feel like maybe I should just go back to work, and if im away, she might miss me and want to give me some of the affection that she gives everyone else.

If makes me really angry, but it also makes me so sad. Its so devistating when im meant to be her mum, and she doesnt want to give me the time of day. Im completely and utterly jealous at the amount of attention and love dh and mum get from dd

What a completely miserably whiney poor me post. I just feel sorry for myself

V8 · 31-05-2007 21:49

My girlfriend had the same problem with her son about that age, my goodness he was suffering such bad seperation anxiety from his daddy, if he went down the driveway he would be in the strops. But he never did that with my friend and she hated it. I think he's better now, but sometimes kids just get like that i think. DS is even like that at times now which is sucky cause i still see him as my baby even though he's nearly 19 months old.

I think it's a good idea if you get time on your own away from Gwen at times and then see if she misses you. I think they tend to know that you are always there so they seem like they don't care, but i think if you went away for a few hours she would miss you.

Sorry to hear that you are feeling that way though.

**Tam-I-Am** · 31-05-2007 22:35

Aw, matey, its hard to feel rejected by the one person you love more than life itself, isn't it

Can I put a different spin on it though?

She's so attached to daddy, because daddy went away for so long and she's absolutely TERRIFIED that he'll do it again. She doesn't know how to judge that, because in her world, words don't have a heap of meaning (you know that old saying - actions speak louder than words - well his actions have told her he'll abandon her without a moment's notice)....same with your mum. She doesn't know how to judge when she's there or gone.

You, on the other hand, you're reassuringly ALWAYS there....to the point where she takes it for granted. THIS IS NOT A BAD THING!!! What this means is that she has NO fear that you will ever leave her. Or if you do, you're always coming back. And its BECAUSE you've spent so much time and effort with her, caring for her, playing with her, doing things for her - she feels absolutely 100% secure in the knowledge that she can depend and rely on you.

Whilst that means that she sometimes (hurtfully) ignores you in lieu of other, more unstable people in her life, the implications are that you're a wonderful mummy.

Please don't let it get you down. Just remember, she really DOES love you...she just doesn't know what it means not to have you there, so she doesn't worry about it!

**veve** · 31-05-2007 22:42

Originally Posted by Tam-I-Am

You, on the other hand, you're reassuringly ALWAYS there....to the point where she takes it for granted. THIS IS NOT A BAD THING!!! What this means is that she has NO fear that you will ever leave her. Or if you do, you're always coming back. And its BECAUSE you've spent so much time and effort with her, caring for her, playing with her, doing things for her - she feels absolutely 100% secure in the knowledge that she can depend and rely on you.

sorry Leeny .. you are on the backburner - you are safe .. you are always going to be there (which is so important.. but .. she doesn't fret over you .. not at the moment) ..

trust me though .. that is good .. when I changed babysitters.. Jack went through a horrid stage of crying when I left.. nearly broke my heart.. I cried and cried everyday when I went to work .. (enjoy the freedom to at least go to the loo in peace ..

)

to you.. luffly .. its tough .. when you do all the hard stuff ..

xx
Jen

**Leeny** · 31-05-2007 22:54

Hmm...Thanx guys...I didnt really think about it like that...It makes alot of sence. I understand why shes insecure about him leaving, I know a 2 yr old cant understand it all.

I think i'd be ok if it was just him, but when its my mum aswell, who by the way has never changed 1 of her nappies since the day she was born, and has held maybe 2 bottles in her mouth, it really gets my goat. Mum bribes her with junk every day, new toys every day, games and fun stuff, and then if shes sh*tty with me, she ignores dd aswell (how cruel), and dd still wants her!

I'll just have to remind myself that she ignores me because she feels safe and secure with me

**Leeny** · 31-05-2007 23:36

Ditto...I cant possibly be as fun as either of those two

**Ana Gram** · 01-06-2007 00:14

Just wait till you get to the point where she plays the "I don't like you" game with whoever told her off last. You'll get some affection then I promise! She will be all over you when Daddy tells her off. You might have to wait a year but since she is just like Ruby that's what is coming

**SassyMummy** · 01-06-2007 00:23

I haven't read any of the other replies so someone might have said it already...

But perhaps she doesn't feel like she HAS to shower you with love because she knows you'll always be there for her. Evidence has taught her that. It hasn't, however, taught her that her Dad will stick around and always be there for her... so maybe she feels she has to MAKE him want to stay... and at the same time, she wants to cling to him to make sure he never leaves her again.

I say that, but it's different with DD. I have no idea why, but she's a complete Mummy's girl. I see her ALL DAY LONG but she still usually wants me over her father. She screeches at him, but then cuddles into me. I feel really bad for him...

Two different kids though... and from what I read on here, they're completely different attitude-wise.

**Leeny** · 01-06-2007 00:42

Originally Posted by chellegoth

You might have to wait a year but since she is just like Ruby that's what is coming

I'll keep my fingers crossed

....She called me stupid mummy the other day, I nearly died

Originally Posted by SassyMummy

I say that, but it's different with DD. I have no idea why, but she's a complete Mummy's girl. I see her ALL DAY LONG but she still usually wants me over her father. She screeches at him, but then cuddles into me. I feel really bad for him...

Two different kids though... and from what I read on here, they're completely different attitude-wise.

Gwen does that, but daddy or grandmas the one that gets the cuddles...She used to be a mummys girl, not anymore.

They are very different arnt they...Chelle and I have the feral, strong willed, too stubbon and arrogant for thier own good non-cuddly type kids