separation anxiety

**Percy** · 30-12-2005 22:25

Hi Ladies

I am curious to know if others have trouble leaving their children at all. I fell pregnant with my son only three months after losing Thomas. He was planned but i dodnt think things would happen so quick. I did suffer a bit of post natal which is all under control now, but now i have trouble leaving him for more than five minutes. I know that all mothers go through this, but does anyone think that they feel it a bit more because of the loss we have experienced. SOmetimes i feel like if i let him out of my sight he will be gone like thomas was.

I guess what has motivated me to post this thread is that i am getting married on saturday, and am leaving jake for a few days. i think it will do us both good. i just feel very ftrettful. even with all this going on, the greif is still overwhelming

**JanetF** · 30-12-2005 22:29

Actually I think it simply shows a healthy bond between you and your child. Children need security and that means only one or two main carers, especially when they're very little.

**rynosmum** · 01-01-2006 21:05

Hi Jakes Mum,

I had to leave my bub for 3 days when he was 6 months old due to a work commitment interstate. I was devastated, cried, couldn't focus, called every 3 hours - he was with his Nanna and had a lovely time.

I still have to go away for 3 days or so every 3 months for work - I can't stand being away. Even though my hubby is looking after him, I still feel lost without him.

Go on your honeymoon and absolutely cherish the time away with your new hubby - just make sure that you completely trust the person looking after him. Bubs will most likely really enjoy the time getting to know whoever is looking after him.

**LoopyLyndaLou** · 11-01-2006 07:48

Hi,

I think you are right, I had two children before we lost our little boy (Thomas also) and although I used to miss them greatly when I was away from them I used to also feel a sense of freedom and cherished the 'me' time. However since Thomas died I can;t stand being away from them, I feel even more protective of them and want to spend all my time with them and their new little brother which we ahve had since Thomas died.

I think I always realised it would be painful to lsoe a child, but actually losing one has shown me it is 10 times worse than I ever imagined and I never ever want anything to happen to them. I feel as if our protective bubble burst when Thomas died and that all those near and dear to me are at risk, I feel so vulnerable.

I stupidly think that it is only me that can offer the safeest environment for my children, that noone else can look after them as well as me which is not true but I cannot get the anxieties of what 'might' happen out of my mind and I have to work really hard to 'let go' and let others take over and let the kids explore their world without me constantly being there. It is not easy but I think it is essential to their development.

So in summary (after a lot of rambling..) I am with you on that one!

Lynda x

**JATS** · 11-01-2006 12:24

I know alot of women sympathise with womenwho loose a child, but you can't realy understand it until it happens to you. After my M/C (I lost a daughter) so many things changed for me, and since my son arrived I just can't stand being away from him for more than 5min.

Went to a party a few days ago and people kept trying to take him off me

"I'll look after him, you go eat" or "you go enjoy the music" but I couldn't stay away more than 5 min before I got a cold sweat, had to go get him back.

I got called 'overprotective' from MIL, but coming from a woman who hates children in general and believes having kids was the worst mistake she ever made, I tend to ignore her opinions on the matter

I could never leave my bub for a few days, or at least not while he's still so little, you're a brave woman, I'm still upset that I have to leave him for 4 hours on March 1st to go see Billy Connolly!

Have a wonderful Wedding day!

Amy

**Goosie22** · 11-01-2006 13:36

I think good on you for having such a great bond with your baby.

I never leave/left my little children with anyone apart from their dad. I have never used any type of Daycare as I just couldn't stand the thought of my little kids having to negotiate the day without someone who truely loves them ( I have had several m/c and I think grief/loss definately plays apart in your day to day life and the way you react to different situations). My oldest is 8 now and goes to stay at his friends place without a thought from either of us. You don't have to live up to anyones ideal of what a good mother is.