I think I have serious anger issues

[SassyMummy]

I used to be fine... I could let my anger in, then let it back out again... and it was all gone away.

Then it started to get a little snappy, and whinge more, complain more, be nastier, nag more... etc etc.

But now, I'm like crazy angry. When I get angry, I get SERIOUSLY angry. When DP makes me angry (even by just saying, "No, I don't want to do that," or something small like that, I'll start fuming and start to go over the ways (in my mind) that I could physically attack him, just to let me anger escape. I manage to control that, and it soon passes... but I have to let it out, so I start to yell. I don't just yell though, I'm SO nasty. I subconsciously come up with things to say which have the sole purpose of making him feel cr*p.

When friends make me angry, I do something similar... but not as severe. I make little snide comments, bring up things to intentionally upset them. It's far more subtle, and I say it as a fleeting comment... but I do it with the intention to hurt them. I then b*tch about them to my mother and DP, and whinge about them all night in my head.

With my mother, my anger is different again. If she angers me, I'll b*tch about it to whoever I can, and then I'll keep quiet. I let it all build up. Every now and then, I'll let a little rude comment drop, just trying to make her feel bad. I'll leave it at hte one comment though. Eventually she'll do something, and I'll think about items she has, and which one I could break in order to make her feel the most upset. I start to wonder which item would affect her more if it was broken. I don't do it, but I have to seriously hold myself back.

I used to be happy and nice (well, I used to gossip and b*tch which wasn't exactly nice, but it wasn't THAT bad... nothing like it is now). Now I'm a big grump who wants to make people feel really bad, and then I feel bad for doing it, and my bad mood makes them in a bad mood, and their bad mood makes me angry... and so it all goes on and on!

I wake up with a saw jaw on a regular basis. You see, when I'm anger, I grind my teeth and clench my jaw. I can't help it. I just do it. I've even worn away some of my teeth by doing this (have this thing to wear to prevent damage to my teeth and jaw, but I hate it because it's so uncomfortable and makes it difficult to sleep... so I hardly wear it).

WHY AM I SO ANGRY? Why am I such a nasty person? ARGH!

This is the first time I've ever admitted to having ANY sort of anger issue... but it's getting out of control. I don't want my anger to get so bad that I strike out at DD... so far I haven't, but if nothing is done, it's only a matter of time right?

What can I do? Who can help me? Has anyone felt similarly?

[Shanaynay]

Omg me too.
You sound exactly like me except I haven't thought about breaking my mum's stuff. (She's so damn clumsy she breaks something of hers everyday anyway )
Sorry I don't have any advice but just so you know I feel exactly the same. It's tiring, draining, frustrating and I'm sick of feling like this but I can't help it
I'll be watching this thread

[pinkandblue]

You're not alone. I do this too. I get so angry sometimes I just start screaming and yelling and I cant stop until I get it all out. Then I start to calm down again. I hate acting like this and want to change. I'm trying to realise once I start yelling and try and walk away but its hard. If anyones got any tips I'd love to know.

Thanks
Natalie

[Dannii79]

It all sounds familiar to me too. I've always had a short fuse, but it seems lately that it doesn't even need to be lit for me to explode which scares the cr@p outta me.

[SassyMummy]

Well, it's comforting to know I'm not alone... lets me feel like less of a freak.

I think I maybe need counselling. Not just for the anger stuff, but for just everything (caesarean-hate included).

I also wonder if I was more pro-active in making my life better than it is, I'd be happier... but because I'm so damn angry and down all the the time... I CAN'T motivate myself to do anything (I'm that girl with all the ideas, but never the drive to make anything of them...). It's just like an annoying circle!

[Chub Chub]

Ok...I've been watching and there has been no real answer yet.

I'll confess, about 4 years ago i started counselling as I could no long control my anger and fights with DH were becoming uncontrollable and sometimes physical.

You are not freaks but emotional and highly passionate girls .

The problem lied in that I was openly aggressive in fights and my DH was passive agressive. Apparently they can be just as bad as each other.

We now fight fairly. We acknowledge each others feeling and issues and a main key is not to interupt or name call when fighting. I suppose we don't really fight any more but discuss things.

It did take a lot of work with a counsellor but worth every minute. I did 5 sessions one on one and DH joined in for 2 so we could be taught to discuss problems without them spiralling out of control.

By the time DD arrived we had had lots of practice and rarely have big doozy fights anymore.

I would definately go back to a counsellor if we couldn't deal with our issues again. I did also appreciate the counsellor telling my DH that being passive agressive was like pressing my buttons and he took some responsibilty for the way we didn't fight fairly.

I aim to teach my daughter how to fight fairly and discuss problems because this is something I missed out on as a child. My mum and dad don't fight often but are cr@p at fighting.

PM me anytime if you wanna talk.

[jessi]

Im the same! I thought I was the only one who was like this!

I used to be always happy. Id get abit peeved off at times but nothing I couldnt just let go.

As soon as I got pregnant, I became really nasty... DF and I would have arguements that would SHOCK people. Id end up hitting him (he never hit me-although one time he did raise his fist at me)... and Id throw books, shoes, whatever at him.

I just wanted him to feel the pain that I felt.

Since Elsh's birth, Im still an extremely ANGRY person. Whenever I see that DF hasnt put his clothes in the basket, or put his rubbish in the bin, or has left his hair shvings all over the sink... I get really sh*tted off.
Ofcourse, he does other things that definatly warrant me getting ****ed off (lets not go there!)... but whatever the case... I can just feel the anger rising in me. I start to feel warm just below my ears and around my neck...

And like you, I start thinking of ways I could hurt him... and I just want to lash out at him. Punching him and punching him until he could know how I feel. I have learnt to just wait until that faze passes though.... Doesnt mean I still dont think of hurtful things to say.

I hate him most of the time... i guess I kind of feel like hes the one that has made me angry. I never used to be like this before him!!

Im trying though... I want to be a happier person! I dont want this anger charging through my veins at almost every moment of the day.

This book another bubhubber told me about has truely helped me already and I have only read one chapter of it.

Its called Buddhism for Mothers and it has helped me with my anger SO much already... Im hoping that this book, along with councilling, is going to bring me back to my old self.

eh?

[Shanaynay]

I think I maybe need counselling. Not just for the anger stuff, but for just everything (caesarean-hate included).

my psych said she thought many of my issues (anger, anxiety, other stuff) stemmed from my sh!tty csec with dd1

[PunkyDiva]

my psych said she thought many of my issues (anger, anxiety, other stuff) stemmed from my sh!tty csec with dd1

From my understanding you just hit a hole in one.
Negative emotions usually stem from pent up/supressed feelings and it can be extremely hard and painful dealing with them but deal you must or lose freinds and family to the angry woman. Face the fear/demons and open yourself to a world of possibilities instead of limitations and remember the little ones watching,learning and following your lead too.
Prob the first step towards effective parenting and partnering is to understand,connect with and heal you first.
There is huge difference between a vent and real anger which can esculate and make you physically unwell. Hormonal changes can do it as well.
Lotsa avenues/resources for help, just have to acknowledge(as you all have already done) and ask/find the help you need. Alongside some good old fashioned support and love of course.so choose people around you carefully.

[TwoBlue]

Hiya.. as many of you already know I am a mother with anger issues...

I just wanted to send you some support and massive Being angry is NOT a nice way to live

I became quite frightenened of my behaviour recently and took myself (finally) to see a doctor and was diagnosed witha depressive disorder. One of the symptoms was "anger that affected other people" I felt this was so me as like you say about yourself, i was being nasty and doing/saying nasty things to people that I love and care for.

I also read some great books
"shes gonna blow" and "battlefield of the mind" which were very helpful and I saw a counsellor who taught me some anger management skills but in the end the only thing that has REALLY helped me was medication.

At the time I was really upset about being on anti depressants but now I feel so fantastic, like a new woman... !!!!
I wish I had sought help earlier !

Hugs again to you. Please PM me anytime.
I really hope you can get ontop of your anger issues soon because as i said earlier, It is NOT a nice way to live