I used to be fine... I could let my anger in, then let it back out again... and it was all gone away.
Then it started to get a little snappy, and whinge more, complain more, be nastier, nag more... etc etc.
But now, I'm like crazy angry. When I get angry, I get SERIOUSLY angry. When DP makes me angry (even by just saying, "No, I don't want to do that," or something small like that, I'll start fuming and start to go over the ways (in my mind) that I could physically attack him, just to let me anger escape. I manage to control that, and it soon passes... but I have to let it out, so I start to yell. I don't just yell though, I'm SO nasty. I subconsciously come up with things to say which have the sole purpose of making him feel cr*p.
When friends make me angry, I do something similar... but not as severe. I make little snide comments, bring up things to intentionally upset them. It's far more subtle, and I say it as a fleeting comment... but I do it with the intention to hurt them. I then b*tch about them to my mother and DP, and whinge about them all night in my head.
With my mother, my anger is different again. If she angers me, I'll b*tch about it to whoever I can, and then I'll keep quiet. I let it all build up. Every now and then, I'll let a little rude comment drop, just trying to make her feel bad. I'll leave it at hte one comment though. Eventually she'll do something, and I'll think about items she has, and which one I could break in order to make her feel the most upset. I start to wonder which item would affect her more if it was broken. I don't do it, but I have to seriously hold myself back.
I used to be happy and nice (well, I used to gossip and b*tch which wasn't exactly nice, but it wasn't THAT bad... nothing like it is now). Now I'm a big grump who wants to make people feel really bad, and then I feel bad for doing it, and my bad mood makes them in a bad mood, and their bad mood makes me angry... and so it all goes on and on!
I wake up with a saw jaw on a regular basis. You see, when I'm anger, I grind my teeth and clench my jaw. I can't help it. I just do it. I've even worn away some of my teeth by doing this (have this thing to wear to prevent damage to my teeth and jaw, but I hate it because it's so uncomfortable and makes it difficult to sleep... so I hardly wear it).
WHY AM I SO ANGRY? Why am I such a nasty person? ARGH!
This is the first time I've ever admitted to having ANY sort of anger issue... but it's getting out of control. I don't want my anger to get so bad that I strike out at DD... so far I haven't, but if nothing is done, it's only a matter of time right?
What can I do? Who can help me? Has anyone felt similarly?