His Family - Christmas 2005

[SweetDreams]

This post will be just as long as the other one! Although the inlaws did not come to visit for Christmas (MIL refuses to drive more than 5kms from her house and FIL refuses to visit) they still manage to instil non-Christmas emotions in the hearts of all.

I can't blame them entirely for impacting on Christmas though - special credit goes to SIL whose BF seems to take the joyous seasons as times to bash and abuse. SIL refuses to file a report with the police, refuses to leave him (despite her 2 kids witnessing at least 1 time she was assaulted) and pretty much seems to like the attention she gets from these events (has been happening over 10 years). So although SIL refuses any real assistance my DH is called for these "crises". DH went through the roof when she refused to do anything and got up MIL and SIL about it and told them he was going to report BF to child protection (apparently he beat on one of his other kids).

WELLLL! FIL rings up while we're driving to dinner with friends and DH tells him he will call back later (after dinner). Not 5 mins later MIL calls bawling and begging him not to do anything as BF is getting a good solicitor (so?) and basically making life miserable. We get into a mini-argument at the table because I believe something should be done but I know that because m0mmy has spoken nothing will happen.

The next day (Christmas Eve) DH feels bad that his m0mmy will have a "bad Christmas" because he yelled at her so he rings and apologises. End of story you would think!

Anyways morning rolls around (my DM & DB arrive with all the bedlam and mayhem that ensued and described in length in my other post!). We sit down to open gifts (my family have already been given theirs so it was just DH & I opening stuff). The usual crap from the inlaws. 1 present for me and 10 for DH including 1 to him from the inlaws' dogs! I was told later that they forgot to send the card from the dogs!!!! Our dog also got a present (I'm tied in the present stakes with the dog!) but our cats (inlaws hate cats) got nothing - not seeing a future precedent for favouritism in human babies at all (not going to waste more space in describing SIL's kids right now!)!!!

DH rings his parents and FIL makes pithy jabs about my family (as usual) to which DH didn't say anything for / against just made non-commital noises.

On Christmas Day my DF went over to the inlaws (at their request) and MIL tells him about the call DH made to her Christmas Eve. She said that my DH rang her and said sorry and cried about what happened!!!!! (I was told about this on Boxing Day).

DH came home for dinner - I waited until he was leaving and we were alone and I said "when you were talking to MIL the other night did you cry???". He immediately became defensive. All of a sudden it was MY fault. "What else did she (MIL) say?". I said, "I wasn't speaking to her I was talking to DF". He said, "Aren't I allowed to cry?! I suppose you're going to go and tell everyone now!" (my family). I said, "*I* don't have to tell anyone anything!" (implying MIL has that market cornered).

I didn't/don't have a problem with him crying. My family are very "macho - men don't cry" which makes things awkward especially when MIL blabs to EVERYONE and ANYONE about EVERYTHING.

He told MIL off (quite rightly) then he kisses her butt apologising and "crying"(???).

But I'm in the wrong.

On top of all this he tells me he wants to spend Christmas with HIS parents next year (Guilt Trip Train straight out of inlaw's house). Whining that he hasn't spent Christmas with them since 2001. Well. THEY can come and spend it with us. There is no way I am going to drag my then 6 month old baby 7 hours (without adding stops!) down to his stupid family when we may well be mid-move at the time just to appease his guilty self. Only one day before this crap he is saying how the best Christmases have been the ones we have spent ALONE (or visiting friends). What THE?!

DF told me that their Christmas Day was nothing special - FIL fell asleep on the couch and MIL didn't know how to do anything except cut tomatoes (she had servants until age 22 when she emigrated and didn't even know how to wash dishes (at 22)!!!). My DF had to cut the chicken, cut the ham (it was a ROLL!!!!!!!) and everything when he was there.

I spoke quietly to DH again about this when he came home from work (my family were still here and I don't like sharing arguments) and he told me emphatically that he did NOT cry he sniffled maybe once because MIL was crying. He said he was angry when I spoke to him earlier because he had offered to do something for my DM and she had rather rudely refused (she ignored him).

I said flat out there's no way I'm going anywhere except my house next Christmas and he said he didn't care (yeah right).

There is so much history here (SIL should get her own thread) but it is not worth bringing up. We have cut off SIL and her family - it just creates tension and stress for us with no resolution. MIL says that SIL is going to leave BF... maybe, perhaps, possibly (and the moon is made out of cheese).

Anyways, the days before and on Christmas Day were marred by the inlaws and the day of Christmas and the days after were marred by my family.

Wonder if we can escape next year?!!!!

SD

[the_queen]

SweetDreams, I've read both your threads and I just want to extend my sympathies to you, for having a crappy Christmas. And also, thank you for making my family seem so nice
Seriously though, I can't offer you any advice, except I would stick to my guns about next Christmas. For Vallerie's first Christmas we drove interstate to MIL's and my parents & sisters came there too. Overall it was a good Christmas, but in retrospect we shouldn't have had to go all that way for her first Christmas. If it was important to MIL, she would have come over here (but oh no, can't do that, the cows calve around Christmas time, can't leave the cows....) Next year, we'll have a new bubby too, and I've already put my foot down. It will be Christmas here, BBQ and cold meats and salads, and whoever wants to spend Chomper's first Christmas with us is welcome. You stick to your guns girl. If they don't want to come to you next year, it's their loss.

[Biene]

I've read both of your threads...please runaway far far away next Christmas, I definately think you need a less stressful Christmas.

I agree with the_queen, I would stay at home next Christmas, its babies first Christmas and he/she should take priority, its not fair to cart a baby around 7 hours just to suit others, I'm sure you're DH will change his tune come next year, he probably just needs time to calm down and forget about the chaos of this Christmas.

[SweetDreams]

Lol the_queen re: making your family seem so nice comment! It's so frustrating because they will now go and be really nice and make me feel guilty about ranting about them but then go ahead and do something nasty again!

Biene: thank you I have every intention of running far, far away next Christmas - with or without DH! I don't think either of us are going to forget this Christmas in a hurry!

SD

[Shelly68]

Sweetdreams,

You poor poor thing.

I live in Brisbane and I extend an open invitation to you and bubs next Christmas, lol

It's only a 2 hour flight max from your house.

Promise, no in laws or mothers in sight!!!

Gosh, I hope things get better, now that you have a family of your own on the way you might need to just tell everybody to pull their heads in and grow up a bit.

Life is just too hard sometimes isn't it.

Big hugs (((( sweetdreams ))))