The things NOT to say...

[mimee]

Don't ever say...

1. You're young, you can have more children.
2. So when are you going to have another one?
3. He is in good hands now.
4. You didn't know your baby yet.
5. It's happened for the best.
6. He may have had a disability or handicapped if he survived.
7. You already HAVE other children.
8. There is a reason why this happened to you.
9.It must have been something you did.

......people can be so insensitive....
Every baby is unique and special and can never ever be replaced.

[hayleysmummy]

i have been reading everyones posts and even though i have never lost a child i would never say something like that to someone who has i have a poem i got from another website and wanted to share it with people that have had a loss in their lives.
called ANGELS IN HEAVEN
I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to god today I asked what makes a mother? and i know i heard him say
A mother has a babythis we know is true
But god can you be a mother when your babys not with you?Yes you can ge replied with confidence in his voice I give many women babies when they leave its not there choice Some i send for a lifetime others for a a day And some i send to feel your wombbut theres no need to stay. I just dont understand this godi want my baby here He took a breath and cleared his throat then i saw a tearI wish i could show what your child is doing today If you could seeyour child smile with other children and say, We go to earth to learn our lessons of life and life and fear.My Mummy loved me so much i got to come straight here.I feel so lucky to have a mum who had so much love for me.Ilearned my lessons very quickly my mummy set me free. I miss my mummy oh so much but i visit her each day when she goes to sleep on her pillows where i lay I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear.Mummy dont be sad today im your baby and im here.So you see my dear sweet one your children are okay. Your babies are here in my home and this is where theyll stay.Theyll wait for you with me untill your lessons are through.And on the day you come home theyll be at the gates for you.So now you see what makes a mother Its the feeling in your heart. Its the love you had so much of right from the very start. Though some on earth may not realise untill there time is done remember all the love have and know that you are a special MUM
I thought this poem was beautiful and wanted to share it with mums that have lost their beautiful babies

[nicki_mara]

Thanks hayleysmummy for posting the poem. It is beautiful. I have lost 6 babies through miscarriage and it's so hard when you are not recognised as a proper 'mum' but you feel like you have loved like one.

[mum2threeplus1]

For me it was alot of the fore mentioned, but also
At your age what do you expect!
p.s I'm now 37

[angelickaren]

i too have had 3 m/c over time its never easy every one i felt different in how i grieved (sp) for them but yes i have also had most of these said to me. i am so sorry for every one who have lost little angels to you all.

[Missy75]

The BEST thing anyone said to me was 'oh, I'm so sorry for your loss', and that was it. I was so grateful to her and I sent her a card thanking her.

[Blueberry Crumble]

I think the problem is that people who have never experienced such a terrible loss just dont know what to say, dont think it is that bigger deal (I know that it is!) and are insensitive because they are completely ignorant. Some of those things on that list are completely disgraceful, but a couple of those comments are probably innocent things said by those who simply have never had a misscarraige, and didnt really know what to say.

I remember when I was younger, I used to think that miscarraige wasn't a big deal when I was younger-Now that I have my own baby I know that it would be the most painful thing to be pregnant and lose it. To me, life begins right at that very beginning.

So this thread is really a good idea, as some people dont honestly know what to do or say.

[GeorgiaAnne]

OMG I cant believe people would say these things. to all who have loved and lost.

[nessaw1978]

I had 3m/c from trying naturally and heard every single one of those on the list. I started ivf last month and fell preg 2weeks ago. I had some bleeding but everything was going fine. Last week "my best friend" said to me if this doesnt work are you going to try again. I felt like punching her and screaming i am still preg can you be happy now and not wonder what i am going to do if something happens. I lost the baby over the weekend and those words keep playing in my head.

Thinking of you and your angel's V8mum.

[stephie]

The worst thing that anyone ever said to me was "At least you didnt have to go through the pain of child birth!"

I could'nt believe anyone would think that comment would make me feel better!