Yesterday it was my birthday, being that it was a friday aswell, we thought we'd invite friends and family over for drinks to help celebrate.
DP thought it was a good idea considering the last two years i've been battling depression and other issues, we felt i was ready to celebrate as i've been getting better since DD was born.
Also a few people said i should have a party, that they would like to come, that its tradition to have a party etc etc, so i caved and agreed to invite everyone over on the friday night that was my bday.
So yesterday was the day.
DP had the day off work, and when DD woke up crying for her morning feed, i thought that he'd perhaps get up too, and maybe make me a cuppa or something? when he didnt i kinda cracked it a bit and muttered under my breath (i know i can be a brat sometimes but it was my birthday)
anyway, all that resulted in was causing a big argument where i got called this and that etc and i was sitting there in tears thinking how did i get to this?
so most of the day passed without much conversation and me feeling sorry for myself. Anyway, he snapped out of it and things were better between us after that and we set up for the party
I think it was about 9pm when i realised no one was coming though.
My mum had a migraine and couldnt make it, and also one of my friends had just got out of hospital and wasnt felng too good so they had rung earlier to tell me and wish me a happy bday anyway.
My Dp's dad, J turned up, who i dont even get along with that great, and my sister and her fella and their boarder showed up for a few hours, but she wasnt feeling good either so didnt have a drink and they didnt stay long unfortunately.
Everybody else that we invited, about 10 people and their partners, just didnt show up at all, didnt hear from any of them, no phone calls, nothing.
Which makes me think, well, what is wrong with me?
Anytime anyone has a birthday, or anything to celebrate i always make sure i put an effort in for them. When people are over i'm always polite and friendly and i think I'm a good host, i'll always offer anything i have, but when it comes to when people have a chance to do something nice for me, like even just showing up, they dont.
its hard not to think that i dont have a big neon sign on my head that says "idiot"
I think its getting me down moreso this year because i thought things had changed, that the group of friends i had now were different. When we were pg with Zaffy we moved and i cut ties with all my old friends because they were toxic, and i wanted to have DD in a stable safe loving environment.
i guess i'm just feeling sorry for myself and lonely.
My beau (DP) has tried to make it up to me since! He's been a sweetie all night and today and is paying for me to go to the hairdressers this week! so not all is bad.
thanx for letting me vent
Take care all