Is this inconsiderate or is it just me??

**LittleBoysRock** · 07-03-2007 14:11

This might be a long one....

My Dad and his wife were supposed to be coming to WA to visit in a weeks time. I havent seen my Dad for 3 years and he has not seen my 19 month old DS at all.

DH and I went out and brought a bed to accomodate them when they came across.

I told Dad 2 weeks ago that I am pregnant and due in October. He was really excited and that was that.

Now he has cancelled his trip and postponed until October so he can meet DS and the new baby at the same time. I am due 11th October and he is arriving 8th Oct - 18th Oct.

If I go overdue my baby might not been born yet! I am kinda angry at them as I think this is really inconsiderate.

They want to stay with me when I might be 39-42 weeks pregnant or may be in hospital having my baby or have just come home.

Is it just me or is this inconsiderate??

Just wanted to add that if they waited until Nov they could come for my sisters 21st but they wont do that!!

**cheezelkat** · 07-03-2007 14:18

I think that's terrible - imagine labouring at home with your dad around!

Gosh - I would have said something about making it at least a few weeks after at least if he won't change it before the EDD. I could think of nothing worse than having guests with a newborn.

**damien's mum** · 07-03-2007 14:18

No i agree, i would be upset aswell..

I can understand him wanting to meet them both, and maybe not have the money to come back out..

But i would still be hurt and angry.

**poshBecks** · 07-03-2007 14:19

Hmmm thats a bit annoying isn't it!!

Maybe you could suggest some other dates after baby will have arrived? And just explain that you dont want to be hosting visiters with a brand new baby, as you will need as much rest as possible....

**Emily 85** · 07-03-2007 14:37

I would be a bit upset with that to especilly since u went an bought a bed! when u bring home ur bub its a special time that is for u your partner and ds have u tried talking to them

**SassyMummy** · 07-03-2007 14:39

I agree - annoying as all hell.

DD was due on 11th July, and MIL came over on about the 15th of July. I went 2 weeks overdue, so I had my caesarean while they were there.

She wasn't mean or nasty or anything like that, but she is SMOTHERING. I went in to be induced the 3rd day that they had been in Qld.... and I was so scared she'd want to witness the birth that I decided to tell only my mother if I went in to labour.

Then, I was told I needed a c-sec, and was devistated. I didn't want anyone else to find out, because I didn't want them to talk to me about it. I didn't want them saying, "It'll be okay..." and all of that. But my mother ended up telling MIL (grrrr) and she insisted on talking to me about how it'd be okay, and how she loves me... blah blah. I just needed to be left alone.

She was one of the first guests at the hospital after my c-sec, and I really wasn't ready for it. I guess, I let my mother come along, so it was only fair for her to be there too... but I so wasn't ready for it.

The day after I came home from hospital, was the day she returned to WA. It was so awful because DP hardly spent any time at hospital with me because he felt that his mother would mad at him for her having come over all that way, and then not even really see him.

His brother spent all his time playing the playstation in our loungeroom (grrrr!) and MIL would rub DD's head WHILE I WAS BREASTFEEDING.

TBH, if I have another baby while we're still in Qld, and they're still in WA, they can come over if they like - but they're not staying WITH us at all. They can stay somewhere and see us occassionally. Not stay WITH us. It was horrible. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

**LittleBoysRock** · 07-03-2007 14:44

Originally Posted by damien's mum

No i agree, i would be upset aswell..

I can understand him wanting to meet them both, and maybe not have the money to come back out..

But i would still be hurt and angry.

Thanks for the replies ladies, I am glad you guys agree with me!!!

Dad has plently of $$ to come over twice he is just a pain! lol

I think I am going to tell him to stay elsewhere and come visit me when he can.

**k2ma** · 07-03-2007 14:59

It is frustrating to have gone to the trouble of organising things for someone only to have them change the plan.

I can see the logic in your father's thinking - however annoying and inconsiderate it appears to be - maybe you should let him know (nicely of course) that it was a real effort on your part to have the house prepared for his visit etc. Maybe even suggest that his next visit be a bit later than your due date so that he doesn't miss the birth. Be straight and tell him that you don't feel you could cope with having him there directly after the birth but suggest a few options for alternative accommodation and / or times which suit you both.

My parents always rent a house when they come from the UK as we simply do not have enough room for them. They are also very aware of impinging on family time and 'overstaying their welcome' - in fact sometimes I feel as if they don't want to stay with us!!LOL

Often though we fume away at what people say or do, but are reluctant to tell them what we want and consequently things end up 'wrong' or someone is put out.

In all, I think it is important to let your dad know how you feel and be proactive in suggesting a better solution for his next visit. That way he will know where he stands and is less likely to make a choice that is inconvenient to you and your family.

Good luck.

**mumofcaleb** · 07-03-2007 15:11

No you are not being inconsiderate. I would be feeling the exact same as you. There is no way in hell I would want my dad and his wife staying with us right before I was about to give birth. You need to explain to him exactly how you feel and that it would suit you guys better if they came months before the birth or maybe a month or two after the birth. They need to be a little more understanding as this is really such a full on time in any pregnant womans life.