What makes a Good Bridesmaid?

**SassyMummy** · 01-03-2007 22:46

Well, I think I've been to two weddings in my whole life (one when I was about 12, and the other when I was about 15...). Needless to say, I have very little experience with them.

I'm almost 21 and pretty anti-social (well, not really... I just don't like big groups of friends), and hence have not had friends get married. But now, my bestie is getting married (well, end of next year, but she's planning it now anyway). I'll be one of 2 bridemaids (maybe a 3rd... but I don't think so).

Anyway, one bridesmaid is me, obviously, and the other is her DH-to-be's sister. I've only met her once... but she seems like a trouble bridesmaid. I guess she'd be a bridesmaidzilla. lol. She SUBTLY tries to tell my bestie that she doesn't like her ideas, and tries to get my bestie to change her mind.

While I've told my bestie that I don't want to look like a bit of lard wrapped in pink satin, I'm pretty much happy to wear/do whatever she wants. I'll give her my opinion if she asks, (which she probably will), but I'm not going to complain just because it's not what I'D choose.

The thing is, I don't really know what's required of me as a Bridesmaid. It's good, because I don't think she knows what's expected of me either... but I still want to be a good bridesmaid.

What type of things should I be expected to do? What things should I really steer clear of doing?

I've already somewhat helped her pick out a colour theme for her wedding... and given her a few ideas about different things (like, she wanted us to wear stilettos in the park - I pointed out that the heels will just sink and make little holes everywhere....). I want to point this stuff out to her now, so that the day doesn't come and she goes "DAMN! I totally didn't even think about that!" Is it proper for me to do that?

Also, I don't really like her other bridesmaid simply because I think she's a bit of a dirty bogan (and manly) and implied that she'll be skinny and I'll be fat by the time the wedding comes round (she's pregnant and it will have been her third child. From what her brother says, she's not a skinny girl, and certainly isn't thin around the middle since having kids...). She also seems to be looking out for herself, and how to have a 'bargain' wedding... whereas I know my friend is not going to spend big, but she isn't going to do something just coz it's cheap. She tried to convince my friend to buy an off-the-shelf wedding dress from HARTS about a month ago... although she's not even getting married until November 2008, and that was the first dress she tried on (mainly because she wanted to feel like a bride... not coz she actually liked the dress that much).

So how can I be a good bridesmaid with a bridemaidzilla lurking nearby? I fear that I'll be the only decent bridesmaid for my friend... because I believe the other girl will just look out for herself.

**misskittyfantastico** · 01-03-2007 22:49

Be quietly effective. Don't worry about the dress etc, just try and difuse ugly situations....quietly and NOT near the bride.

**belinda4879** · 02-03-2007 08:02

I am being a bridesmaid for the first time in couple of months, and I am one of 5. The bride and I are very good friends, but not best mates. Her apparent best mates are doing nothing but complaining. As you said its the brides day and the bridesmaids should just make the bride happy, throw in some useful suggestions when needed withour being forceful. If I were you I would just chat to my friend and tell her not to sacrifice what she really wants, because she will end up regretting it.

**Ashleigh<3** · 02-03-2007 09:22

Can always tell her the bridal party will be meeting the night before in some rural area way, way, way out in woppity-woop!

Muahaha!

I think it's pretty rude of her to take over the wedding as if it's her own.
Would you step in and say something like, "hang on, it's her wedding, she'll decide..".
Or maybe talk quitely to the bride about it.
If she's your friend, i'm sure she won't put you in some crazed, long sleeved, turtle neck, hippo dress.
I think some brides think that the ideal image of a bridesmaid is to be in an unattractive dress, so less attention is drawn towards them..

**Mamaduke** · 02-03-2007 11:08

In regards to the bridesmaidzilla - just do your own thing, help the bride and try and take no notice of her stupid antics.

But here are some tips on being a good bridesmaid...

No matter what a bride's personality is before getting engaged, be prepared for the once loving, friendly, compassionate & kind person you once knew & loved to turn into a self obsessed, self centred, egotistical, manic nightmare which have overtaken her body and transformed her into a bridezilla!!
Be prepared to do a bit of everything, whether that be licking envelopes & tasting wedding cakes to having to wear the most hideous dress that makes you look like 'The Giant Peach' or making mindless chit chat on the day with drunken relatives the bride & groom don't even want to talk to!
All of this must be done with a smile on your face and the obligatory responses to bridezilla's tantrums eg/ "Oh you poor thing", "You do look beautiful" or my favourite, "Don't worry, I'll take care of that, it will all be perfect on the day." - which of course they won't be because bridezilla's are very very hard to please.
Things NOT to say/ask are;
"How long do you want me to hold this train for?"
I know the answer to this one...it's all bloody day!
"I don't like my dress" - it doesn't matter what you like, don't make the mistake of thinking that because you're wearing it that you have a say in what it should look like.
"I don't like your dress" - don't worry about the friendship if you utter these words...worry about your life!
"I'm just going to sit down & take a break" - statements such as this will be met by the evil bride death stare and you don't want to see that!
"How long until the photos are finished?" - stand, pose, smile...don't say anything else.
"Are the speeches almost over?" - this is HER day and if 155 people (including you) have to get up and tell her how beautiful she looks then she's going to have to hear from every one of them, just make sure you've slipped the waitress a $20 to keep the drinks coming!
Last but not least, DO NOT make any personal plans for any date leading up to the wedding - you are a bride's maid and the bride will take full advantage of that. You are on call, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Thinking you have a life and can make plans...well, you're dreaming!
Good luck...you're gonna need it!

**TinyStar** · 02-03-2007 14:54

I think just by caring so much for your friend you are already being a great bridesmaid

A good bridesmaid will support the brides choices and try and lessen the stress so to speak.

I was gonna give advice about the day but seeing as it's not for 2 years I wont bother. Just make sure you have a supply of breath mints and water!

**~Emmylou~** · 02-03-2007 19:58

Mamdukes advice is pretty spot on

A few things that come to mind from my own wedding.....

* Make sure you are around at "crunch" time. The two weeks, and in particular the last week before a wedding are ALWAYS a nightmare for the bride no matter how organised she tells you she will be beforehand. There is always 50 million little things to be done and no one around to do them. Be there.

* Be around her at the wedding. Don't bugger off to talk to your mates, remember why you are there - to help her. She should never be stuck for someone to hold her flowers or left to pick up her own train. I've seen this at so many weddings.

*If you are going to organise the hen's night find out her policy on male strippers BEFORE hand.

*Try not to get pregnant 10 months before the wedding .... LOL.

Have fun!

**SassyMummy** · 02-03-2007 22:10

Thanks everyone - MD, your advice was particularly entertaining. lol.

My DD will be a bit over 3 at the time, and is the flowergirl... so somehow I guess I'm going to have juggle being a bridesmaid, and looking after my daughter. It'll be about 2 hours drive from our house, and we'll be staying in a motel... so god knows what I'll do with her! Perhaps the page boy's family will be able to have her in their hotel room while I'm still doing bridesmaids duties... or maybe DP will come and take her home... who knows!

Hmmmm... well, I guess I'll just do nothing around her wedding. lol.

**Mamaduke** · 02-03-2007 22:33

My goddaughter was our flowergirl, she was 2.5yrs at the time. Her mum was one of my bridesmaids and she organised for her parents to come and pick Abbey up before the reception began - it's such a huge and long day for the littlies!
Gave her and her hubby a chance to sit back, relax and enjoy the reception too.

**Kirstlea** · 02-03-2007 22:59

Sassymummy I had to reply to this even though its not for a while yet.

I had two bridesmaids and they were both wonderful for the whole day, I didn't have to ask for a thing I was so lucky.

My best friend got married (she was my bridesmaid) and had decided to have her oldest friend as her bridesmaid. It turned out that I was the one following her around making sure she always had a drink, held her flowers etc and even made sure that everyone signed their book. Her bridesmaid was too busy talking to everyone and doing her own thing, she even left the wedding before the bride, major no no. I stood back for a while until I couldn't stand it anylonger and just stepped in and did the job. Incidently I was the mc for the day which was hilarious.

So basically you are a gopher for the day which is the only way I can explain it. Have lots of tissues and little safety pins are always handy

PS - not all brides are as bad as MD says