Pros & cons of another baby

[SophieD]

I am 31 years old and I have a daughter who will be 4 this year and a son who will be turning 2 next month. I am from a big family and so is my husband. I have always wanted 4 kids but after having 2 I said I couldn't do this 2 more times. I had really bad post natal depression with my son and then my husband was diagnosed with cancer last year. Apparently we were lucky we fell pregnant with my son.

For a while now I have been agonising whether to have another baby. The depression really scared me and even now I feel like I'm losing control sometimes. I suppose I'm afraid that I'll get it again with a third baby. Also, we have a perfect little family now and I'm not sure whether we should have another baby or if I can handle another one. I really love my kids and would love to have more but there seems to be a lot more reasons against me having another baby. My husband and I have recently decided to sell all our baby goods. That was very hard for me as when I was pregnant with my son, I didn't know he was going to be my last. I didn't prepare myself whilst pregnant that it was my last time. It has taken me ages to get past that because I keep telling myself that I'm lucky to have 2 beautiful children while other people can't have any.

It didn't help at XMAS when my husband's sister announced she was pregnant. Everyone looked at me when his Mum said another baby was on the way because his sister's youngest is now 10years old. My husband is the youngest of 8 and all his brothers and sisters have a minumum of 3 kids up to 5 kids each. I kinda feel a bit bad for him if we only have 2 kids compared to his siblings. Don't get me wrong, my husband is very supportive of our decision but I can't help wonder if he really does want more.

He did say that we'll sell everything now, but if for some reason we fall pregnant a few years from now then so be it. My friend announced she was pregnant again the other day too which brings back all my thinking again about another baby. Just when I think I'm past it, I go through a downer again.

Hopefully someone has some good advice for me as I'm still in a rut about what I should do.

Sophie D!

[Zada]

i guess u have to really think whether u could go thru it again...I was like this a few months back! I was gonna go for #3 but then i decided no i dont think i could do it again! Just whatever u decide make sure u wont regret it later on

[mumma_jessy]

I think it's something you really have to think about hard. Make a pros and cons list with your DP, visit your doctor and talk to them about how you might react to having another bub, get all the information you need before making a decision.

Most of all, talk , talk , talk to your DP. Make sure you both feel the same way...

We have decided on #3, for me it was easy, i always wanted 3, but for DF he had to really think about it, what it meant to him and if he'd resent another baby if he didn't really want it. In the end he decided it was a great idea, and now i'm 18 weeks pregnant! But it took a good couple of month to decide.

Goodluck, i hope you can find a decision that works for both of you

[little kingdom]

Having a small family doesnt meant that you will be less happier than if you have a big family.. If you really think that you are ready for the next one, then go for it..but if you have doubt about it, I guess you can wait so you will not regret..

[ilovechocolate]

Hi, I have 2 boys 2.7 years and 13 months. We have finally decided that we do want another baby. I have always wanted 3 deep down, a month or 2 ago I was really undecided, I thought no 2 is enough they have each other and we can afford only having 2 etc. etc. I am so excited that we have finally decided yes, and also each month I have felt phantom baby kicks, I feel like I am missing a child so I think that is enough confirmation for me to have another.
I think it takes alot of talking with you dh and serious thinking on your own about how you will cope and if you will have a happy stress free pregnancy too.
Goodluck with your decision.

Debbie-Anne

[Kells]

I too battled with the decision of no 3. As you can see by my signature, I went ahead and did it!

The thing that got me was when a friend said the quote (and I have no idea where it is from) " the only child you will ever regret is the one you didn't have".

That to me made me realise it was a 'now or never' situation, and that I would have always wondered what it would have been like and regretted not having another.

Luckily, my baby is very well behaved and fits in perfectly with all the running around from schools and kindys I do with the others. If she was a hard baby it might be different, but I am totally loving having her and dont regret it for a second.

Good luck with your decision!

[Wivi]

Hi,

As you can see from my signature I only have the one child, but I wanted you to know that I am struggling with the same feelings that you are.

I had PND after my son was born as well and this really threw all my plans out the window. We were thinking about 4 kids prior to the PND and now I just don't know where we are going. We can't really diddle around forever either as we are both over 30.

For the moment we have agreed we will have another one but we are not TTC as yet. It's just going to be each baby as it comes. I have not given up on the idea of more than two but we will have to see. The PND really floored me, but I keep thinking about the long term and the fact that they are not babies forever.

Were you under the care of a psychiatrist for your PND? I was and we have talked extensively about what we could do when I have another baby. There are lots of options and essentially with close monitoring and early intervention should I feel similar symptoms then the PND should not be a problem again.

If the PND is your biggest concern I would make an appointment with your doctor and have a talk about it. I felt so much better once I discussed it with my doctor. There is always the possibility that you will not have the PND.

Feel free to PM me if you want to ask more questions - I am on messenger too if you would like to chat.