I Hate MIL.......Part 2

**daytime-tv-addict** · 13-01-2007 15:00

Geez I am so mad right now! MIL called me (whilst hubby was out) and asks what I am doing and I say that I am feeding my daughter, not that she cares or listens and then she goes on a "woe is me, I am not feeling well" rant. Bit of background- MIL has finished in the last few months treament for breast cancer which was quite severe, however according to her doctor she had the cancer for probably 10 years but due to her refusal to have mammograms or get checked when she experienced pain, she is now in not so good a position in terms of remission. Anyway, as unfortunate as that is and I would never wish that on anyone, she has now decided to use her illness as a strategy to make me feel bad for wanting to move interstate. Basically she kept rambling about how her sons are grown up and nobody needs her or cares about her blah, blah, blah. Normally I would sympathise, but I know for a fact that she has decided to do this as a last ditch effort hoping we will change our minds. I am so ****ed off because she kept saying how our daughter is the most important thing to her (never mind her own sons!) and she can't believe we are going. Then she says she is taking the week off next week and wants me to come and see her, even though I am heavily pregnant, am looking after a 9 month old and have no car! She is so selfish and doesn't care that she is stressing us out or that we have a life! I probably sound like a ***** because she has gone through having cancer, but trust me she could have prevented the severity of it years ago and we did a lot for her at the time she was having treatments so I feel that we have paid our dues to her.

V8 · 13-01-2007 17:08

Some people are so selfish they just have no idea. I hope you don't have to go out of your way to see her, she sounds very manipulative. My MIL is a pain in the @ss too!

**oleander** · 13-01-2007 17:13

I kinda feel a bit bad for the lady because she might die soon. I'd go and visit her.

**Stretchmark Diva** · 13-01-2007 21:10

You know, Cancer and old age are horrible, but they don't bestow instant sainthood on an otherwise nasty person.

I'm not saying that anyone deserves cancer, or that we shouldn't have sympathy and understanding for them. I'm saying it doesn't make them a nicer person or wipe away years of bad behaviour. And just because MIL has cancer, it doesn't mean that everyone should cave into her every whim.

I say - no.

As you have said, you have no car, you are heavilly pregnant and all that will happen is that MIL will try to make you feel bad. You know she hates you and blames you for moving away. You will never please her and she will not appreciate your efforts if you do somehow make it over there. So why bother?

On a day when DH is home, perhaps, drive over together as a family to see her. Leave as soon as she starts getting nasty. But then you have fullfilled whatever obligation you have to her.

**daytime-tv-addict** · 13-01-2007 21:13

Originally Posted by Leila's Mummy

I kinda feel a bit bad for the lady because she might die soon. I'd go and visit her.

I have been through the "feeling bad" stage and believe me it isn't worth it because even we did everything we could for her she used our generosity as a bargaining chip. Example- I was pregnant with my first child when we found out she had breast cancer and she asked that hubby and I visit her every weekend or weekday that we had available, also hubby was expected to renovate part of her house, take her to church, take her shopping because she doesn't drive etc. Now ordinarily these things would not bother us and we would have been happy to do it, but if there was 1 day that we were busy or I wasn't feeling up to it, she would all of a sudden have a "turn" and say that her dad visited her (he is not alive) and told her she would be joining him soon and have weird passing out episodes where she would faint to the floor for no reason. This was all faked and we have proven it because once when she did it there was mention of calling the ambulance but she doesn't have ambulance cover so she made a miraculous recovery and one didn't have to be called. Since having her treatments she had been boasting about how good she feels compared to other people and that she is blessed by god etc. but all of sudden now that she knows we are leaving she is on death's door???? Spare me! I know from an outsider point of view it looks bad on my behalf, but she truly is just being manipulative and I have no more sympathy for her.

V8 · 13-01-2007 21:20

She is either a very nasty person, or mentally unstable. She acts very childish and selfish by the sounds. I don't understand people like that either.

**daytime-tv-addict** · 13-01-2007 21:27

To be completely honest, I do think she has a mental problem, like bi-polar or something similar. Hubby once tried to get her to see someone and she stormed out in the first 5 minutes because she didn't like what she was hearing and has refused any sort of help since. She even refused to see a counsellor during and after her cancer treatment because she thinks she has handled it perfectly fine, but she isn't. She was too old school and stuck in her ways to ever change and I don't want to stress myself out by trying to help her when she just throws our kindness back in our faces.

V8 · 13-01-2007 21:46

Very true, or just highly emotionally strung. It's annoying how some can only see things from their perspective and not anyone elses.

**daytime-tv-addict** · 13-01-2007 21:49

Oh it's crazy! It is like a movie scenario where they have the MIL from hell but mine is real life. At first it was exactly like Everybody Loves Raymond where she was just an annoying MIL, but it is sooooooooooooo much worse than that now, give me Marie any day!