+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 5 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 43
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Posts
    2,219
    Thanks
    3,035
    Thanked
    1,169
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Help! Mums of 2 or more under 4 how do you cope?

    Ok I'm not coping. I have DS2 (4) and DS3 (4 months) at home full time. Yesterday I ate half a piece of cold toast and drank a can of Pepsi. I had not water at all, I was so dehydrated by the time DH got home - but honestly the day was such a blur I didn't realise.

    The house is a disaster, the table is covered in folding, the laundry is full of washing to be done. I'm in full post partum hair loss mode so my hair is everywhere as I haven't vacuumed since I can't remember when. There are ants everywhere because I haven't cleaned the kitchen properly and DS2 has been helping himself to food while I'm perma feeding DS3. It's a bad time we are in leap 4 and he had his needles on Monday. I have no one to come over and help out. I have no child care and it's not an option anyway because we don't qualify for CCR or CCB and can't afford full fees.

    So what do you do? How do you cope? Don't tell me to forget the house - It's a major stressor for me and I can't handle the mess and dirt.

    What are your tips? My mum will be here on Saturday but she is 73 and has congestive heart failure. I really need the house to be tidy before she gets here or she will wear herself out helping.

    Help

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    11,288
    Thanks
    7,384
    Thanked
    6,031
    Reviews
    11
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 29/5/15Busiest Member of the WeekBusiest Member of the Week100 Posts in a week
    Big hugs Hun! Xx mess is a big stressor for me too.

    I set myself up. I have 2 water bottles on the couch and in the morning I set up a lunchbox for miss 2yo. For lunch I make a healthy mummy smoothie. I make sure I do it as DD1 likes them too.

    As for mess.. I work on the areas I spend the most time in. Lounge room. With the dishes, I fill the sink with dishes and boiling water. It sits there til the next time I have free time then I wash them.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Mamasupial For This Useful Post:

    binnielici  (14-12-2016)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    11,288
    Thanks
    7,384
    Thanked
    6,031
    Reviews
    11
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 29/5/15Busiest Member of the WeekBusiest Member of the Week100 Posts in a week
    Ps. I'm not coping either. I'm booked to see a psych on Tuesday.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Mamasupial For This Useful Post:

    binnielici  (14-12-2016)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    4,366
    Thanks
    830
    Thanked
    2,662
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Hugs hugs hugs.

    Honestly the only thing helping perma feeding is the ergo. DD and I have learnt how to feed in the ergo for now.

    DS also feeds himself too.

    I had to clean up the other week as the house was a disgrace. I did ask DH to do some things I find hard to do carrying baby and also vacuuming and mopping.

    I folded clothes first while baby wearing a sleeping DD. Then the empty washing basket is used to throw togs/random stuff in so it is out of the way. I did this while DD had 10-20 mins distraction with toys/DS.

    DH did 90% of the dishes in the kitchen. I did the rest and just did aa basic wipedown if everything so it was clean.

    DS helps dust/wipe down tables/tv etc etc. This was done in a another 10 minute block when DD was distracted.

    And pretty much that is all I did. It took a week. At the end DH vacuumed properly and mopped.

    DD screamed a lot as I just put her down and cleaned for 10 mins after every nap/feed.

    I also had a bin/bag I carted around with rhe washing basket to throw rubbish away.

    And I totally need to do the cleaning again....

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to twinklify For This Useful Post:

    binnielici  (14-12-2016)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    112
    Thanks
    36
    Thanked
    51
    Reviews
    0
    Could you afford to hire a cleaner even if it is just a once off for your sanity? I hope things get better for you.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to flowers21 For This Useful Post:

    binnielici  (14-12-2016)

  10. #6
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    2,851
    Thanks
    1,099
    Thanked
    2,640
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Make yourself and the kids a lunchbox for the next day each day. I didn't do this...I just let my kids be upset for a couple of minutes while I threw food together and ate it...bit if that's too hard, then make a lunchbox the night before.
    Ensure you drink. Set a timer on your phone for every hour and go and get a glass of water each time it goes off.
    Do you have a baby carrier? I used to take care of washing and vacuuming with bub in the carrier. If they cried I patted/bounced and shushed...but unless it was feeding time, I got on with it.
    I would get the 4 year old to clean up at regular intervals...once things started to get overwhelming toy wise pause play and clean up. You can make it a race to see how fast to turn it in to a game. If he refuses to clean up then no more toys come out. If he ignores you, those toys he brings out get put up high and are gone for the day/2 days/however long you decide.
    When your baby naps, clean for 30 minutes. Put a show on for your 4 year old and go speed clean...make it a race for yourself...clean the bathroom/kitchen/dust...see how much you can get done in half an hour.
    I used to vacuum and mop my main living floors every night before bed. I used an enjo mop and it took me 5 minutes to mop. Every morning we started with fresh floors that way.
    5pm was the end of the day...at 5pm we spent time tidying up, and would have a bath, dinner, story, bed. I find look and find books are great for a non reader at that time of the day. But if you have a husband home he might be able to help entertain the kids while dinner gets sorted...my DH was never home.
    I hope that helps.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to Full House For This Useful Post:

    binnielici  (14-12-2016)

  12. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    1,184
    Thanks
    1,172
    Thanked
    743
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger
    I feel your pain Hun. At the beginning of the year I was in the same situation and I was not coping at all. I ended up enrolling DD1 in childcare 2 days a week because I just couldn't handle it but I understand that's not an option for you.

    Would you be able to hire a cleaner just this once to help get things together before your mum arrives?

    Things I did when I had both girls at home:
    - wear DD2 most of the day as she wouldn't sleep anywhere besides my arms. This way I could do some light cleaning etc

    - do a lunch box for DD2 in the morning so she could help herself and leave snacks in the fridge and pantry that she could reach. The poor thing had to grow up so fast when DD2 came along and I felt so bad for her but she's really blossomed into an independent little girl and she loves doing things herself now. Just give lots of positive reinforcement with everything she manages to do herself.

    - DH does bath time with both girls when he gets home so I have 15/20 mins to myself, I often eat dinner at this time so I can eat one meal in peace.

    - meal prep as much as possible while DH is home on weekend so during the week it's often just a matter of warming something from the freezer. On really bad days it's eggs on toast of frozen fish and veg. Give yourself a break sometimes.

    - After both girls are asleep I have DH stay upstairs with them so he can deal with them if they wake and that's when I do laundry, dishes, quiet cleaning. I do about an hour or 2 a night, it's tiring and I'd rather be relaxing but a messy house stresses me out. I don't bother ironing anything, I just fold and pack, if it's really bad I'll iron when I need to wear it.

    - I find it really hard to get around to sweeping/ mopping. My floors are a disaster. I'm hoping to save up and get one of those robot vacuums, until then I do a quick sweep ever few days and spot clean the floor if there's a mess. I mop/ vacuum very infrequently and I've just learnt to live with it.

    good luck Hun, it will get easier eventually!

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to Mama Mirabelle For This Useful Post:

    binnielici  (14-12-2016)

  14. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    804
    Thanks
    723
    Thanked
    286
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    It sounds like a really rough time.

    When I had my 3rd, I had 3, 3 yrs and under. Like you, no child care. My youngest cluster fed what seemed like constantly. I really, really struggled.

    Can you ask your DH to take annual leave or personal leave if possible? My DH couldn't during very rough times for me and it 100% contributed to how much I struggled. I also had no family help.

    I know this isn't a long term fix but next week hopefully will be much better you're youngest might sleep more etc and if DH is home now he might be able to help you get on top of things right now

    Some local councils can offer in home care options/ cleaning options. Available through your mchn if you're struggling. They don't advertise these services but you can always call and ask?

    When your DH gets home tonight ask him to clean the house.

    Make sure you're eating and drinking. Even if your kids get upset. You really have to look after yourself too.

    Sorry probably not much help but I feel really sorry for you. I've been there and I honestly felt really desperate and hopeless. It feels like a never ending cycle but it'll get easier.



    QUOTE=binnielici;8621166]Ok I'm not coping. I have DS2 (4) and DS3 (4 months) at home full time. Yesterday I ate half a piece of cold toast and drank a can of Pepsi. I had not water at all, I was so dehydrated by the time DH got home - but honestly the day was such a blur I didn't realise.

    The house is a disaster, the table is covered in folding, the laundry is full of washing to be done. I'm in full post partum hair loss mode so my hair is everywhere as I haven't vacuumed since I can't remember when. There are ants everywhere because I haven't cleaned the kitchen properly and DS2 has been helping himself to food while I'm perma feeding DS3. It's a bad time we are in leap 4 and he had his needles on Monday. I have no one to come over and help out. I have no child care and it's not an option anyway because we don't qualify for CCR or CCB and can't afford full fees.

    So what do you do? How do you cope? Don't tell me to forget the house - It's a major stressor for me and I can't handle the mess and dirt.

    What are your tips? My mum will be here on Saturday but she is 73 and has congestive heart failure. I really need the house to be tidy before she gets here or she will wear herself out helping.

    Help [/QUOTE]

  15. The Following User Says Thank You to yadot For This Useful Post:

    binnielici  (14-12-2016)

  16. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Gold Coast, QLD
    Posts
    3,717
    Thanks
    1,422
    Thanked
    1,173
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    My ergo was my best friend when it came to feeding or actually being able to move around the house. At night, I would prepare the girls lunches/snacks so when bub was being extra clingy and the older 2 and then 3 were hungry, they had their lunch boxes in the fridge. At the same time, have snacks prepared for yourself. Even if it's just little things to nibble on like veggie sticks, chicken drumsticks, or chicken thigh - things that will give you some calories and energy.. (Even though my girls are 9,7,6&4 I still always have meat cooked in the fridge and snacks like muffins, bliss balls, veggie sticks just for when I'm on the run). Before DH went to work in the mornings, I would get dinner prepared for that night whether that would be in the slow cooker or just chopping up all the veggies/meat ready for the night (the slow cooker was my savior when I had 3 and a newborn).
    Could you try and always have a morning activity for your older boys? Whether that be going for a walk or ride to the park, having a scoot or even playing out side with the hose, just for the purpose of not only giving them something interactive to do but wearing them out so they can chill later on watching TV or a nap (not sure if they still nap). This was a huge part of our routine, we would have a big morning then they would come home, have lunch and go to sleep for 2 hours or watch tv.
    As for cleaning, I used to do my tidy up when the girls were eating their lunch. Whether that be with a bub in the ergo or swing. I never cleaned when my girls where sleeping/resting, I found that was the only time in my day where I didn't have to run after the girls so I would sit my bum on the lounge and watch a show whilst folding some washing or feeding a baby.
    I'm not sure if any of this will be of help for you, but please try be easy on yourself! This parenting gig is not easy!

  17. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to BabyG4 For This Useful Post:

    binnielici  (14-12-2016),BornToBe  (14-12-2016)

  18. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    on a sandy beach!
    Posts
    6,417
    Thanks
    337
    Thanked
    2,217
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Where do u live? Try and goto a playgroup etc as then people u meet will offer help and know people etc.

    I chose my battles in early stages so if washing was clean I wouldn't fold I would just ram it in draws.

    I used the dryer.

    Used slow cooker, ate too much take out.

    Could u afford an au pair?/nanny?

    Def look at smoothies or something.

    Make a lunchbox for your eldest and yourself so your not forgetting to snack too. And eat when your toddler does. My daughter has a stool and now puts washing on, pours own water, packs her own lunch etc and she is 3.

    Hugs hun

  19. The Following User Says Thank You to monnie24 For This Useful Post:

    binnielici  (14-12-2016)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Dad passed. Mum is repartnering. How to cope?
    By Taffabella in forum Feeling alone
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 21-12-2016, 09:29
  2. Can't cope with who I am.
    By ChatlotteA in forum General depression and blues
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 20-04-2016, 23:06
  3. How do you cope with loneliness??
    By Rose&Aurelia&Hannah in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 76
    Last Post: 12-03-2016, 14:01

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
sales & new stuffsee all
Obstetrician, Gynaecologist, IVF Specialist
Dr Terry Sheahan - Brisbane Obstetrician, Gynaecologist, IVF Specialist
Dr Terry Sheahan is a highly respected Obstetrician, Gynaecologist and IVF Specialist on Brisbane's Northside. To book an appointment or for information about his Affordable Low-Gaps Obstetrics please call his rooms on (07) 3353 3100
featured supporter
Sudocrem / Infacol
Sudocrem® Healing Cream is a soothing emollient cream which aids and assists in the management of nappy rash, eczema, abrasions, wounds and minor skin irritations. Infacol Wind Drops are an effective method of treating wind in infants.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!