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  1. #1
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    Default Grandparents gave DD a phone

    Would this annoy any of you? Just looking to see if I'm over reacting.

    When my DD who is 4 goes over to my mums place mum has an old iPhone that she lets DD play with. It doesn't have a SIM card but she still charges it and DD can look at pictures on there and I guess just pretend it's a real phone. I don't have a problem with this as it stays at mums place and it's not my problem.

    On the weekend mum told DD she could bring it home. She didn't even ask me if it was ok, just basically gave this phone to her and told her it was hers.

    Now DD wants to take it everywhere. This morning we had to deal with a huge tantrum because DD wanted to take the phone to daycare and I wouldn't let her because I think that's hugely inappropriate. DH was supposed to drop her off and he was late to work and missed a meeting because DD basically lost it because we wouldn't let her take 'her' phone with her.

    I'm just annoyed about this whole thing. I don't think it's appropriate for a 4 year old to have a phone. Even if it doesn't have a SIM. It's different when she plays with it at my mums house as the understating is its mums old phone that DD plays with but now it's become 'her' phone and I just think mum has over stepped a boundary. Isn't the polite and appropriate thing to do to check with a parent before you give a 4 year old a phone?

    I just want some opinions before I decide whether to say anything to my mum and make her take the phone back because I know she will say I'm over reacting. I just think the first time DD gets a phone it should be way in the future and a decision that DH and I make.

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    I can see where your both coming from. I wouldn't be cross at your mum, she was trying to be nice to your DD and didn't realise the issues it would make. I think if you decide to take it off her and leave it at grandmas house that's fine. But don't make her do it, you're the one with the issue you need to be the bad guy.
    Both my girls (5 and 2) have had iPads for years. They know they can't take them into care. They try it on sometimes. I would explain to your DD if she doesn't put it up when you tell her it will go back to grandmas.

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  4. #3
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    I don't think it's an issue that your mum gave your DD an old phone to play with. Toy phones have been around forever.
    But, I would be telling your DD that if she can't leave the phone at home then it goes back to grandma's...because I don't think it's worth the stress of being late to work due to the tantrums over it. If you don't want to do that, I'd confiscate it and hide it in the house.
    The phone itself is a non issue, imo. The problem here is the behaviour, which could happen with any new toy.

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    CazHazKidz  (22-11-2016),gingermillie  (21-11-2016),kim85  (22-11-2016),RmumR  (21-11-2016)

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    I have not had this happen but for me personally it would not be an issue - my DS has used (taken over) my ipad for the last year or so (he is 3.5yo).

    For me it becomes a problem if he does not agree with the rules we put in place.

    Right now he is banned from it for a few days due to his behaviour but he understands it. So he throws a little whingy tantrum for a minute and that's it.

    As for the asking the parents before giving - I think it may depend on the relationships between you and your mum. She might not think it was a big deal.

    If it is a big deal for you then speak to her and give it back. Do not make your DD do it. But explain that it is only to be used at grandmas.

  7. #5
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    DD has had our old phones since she was quite little to play with. Her current one is her grandmothers old phone. I don't really see the problem if they don't have a sim.

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    kim85  (22-11-2016)

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    I can understand where you are coming from but dont personally dont think its a big deal.
    As I see it as toy phone. As Im sure you did I would have just explained to dd you are not allowed to take toys or phones to daycare and silently cursed my mum for giving her the phone.
    My kids are slowly learning where and when they are allowed to use my phone for their games so can relate to the tantrums.

    On many occasions I have thanked a grandparent for a toy but suggested to my dd infront of the grandparent that that is a toy to keep at grandmas house if I dont fully approve of the toy

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    I would find it annoying, particularly if I was trying to limit screen time. But I do agree with @Wise Enough that it is up to you to set boundaries regarding the phone. My ds has one of my old phones but I keep it out of his reach most of the time.

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    I feel the scenario could happen with any fancy new toy given to her....it's the child's behavior that's the issue rather than mum giving the gift...I'd be removing it and giving it to her at you discretion.

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    Thanks guys, I think you're right, it's the behavior rather than the actual phone. I guess I'm just annoyed because now this is just another thing I have to deal with and if mum would have just checked with me first we could have avoided this. If I wanted DD running around with 'her own' phone I could've just given her my old phone.

    I already made it clear to DD this morning that she can't take it to daycare and if she tantrums about it one more time it will be going back to grandmas house. Hopefully I got the message through.


 

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