Seeing as it seems your issues aren't about discipline I think it's actually a bit different- this isn't something that the two of you absolutely have to see eye to eye on. I think in this case it could be a case of letting each other do what works for them.
The big sticking point for DP and I is boisterous play in the house. I let the kids drag furniture around, climb on it, jump on it, ride scooters in the house. We don't have any outdoor space and I feel like, they're kids and they need to let off steam. DP hates it, so when daddy's home/watching them it's not allowed whereas with me it's open season the kids accept that we have different rules and I think for things like this that's fine. It's when fundamental values are different that it becomes a real problem and fortunately our ideas are aligned on all the big stuff.
That's funny you mention that, we are the same. I couldn't care less if the house gets rearranged during the day. Dp gets home and it has to all get packed away and tidy immediately!
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