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  1. #1
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    Default Gender disappointment help

    Hi ladies,

    Sorry if I have posted this is the wrong topic.
    I am currently pregnant with my 4th child and it's my 3rd boy. My daughter was stillborn last December and I am just after advice or help from anyone who may have felt similar.

    I have always wanted a daughter and when I finally found out I was having a girl my world was so full and complete. That was short lived when we found out that she had passed away.
    I love my boys more than anything in the world and I wouldn't change them for anything. I am just so lost and heartbroken and feel as though I can't go on without a daughter. I realise yes some of this is grief from losing my daughter but I feel so trapped in this whirlwind of emotions that I can't get myself out of.
    Has anyone else felt this way and how did you get through it/ move on?

    My partner is very supportive and understanding but he doesn't feel how I do so I feel so alone.

    Please no negative comments!

    Thankyou

  2. #2
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    First of all I'm so very sorry for the loss of your baby girl. I cannot imagine your grief.

    I think it's completely understandable that you feel the way you do. I'm a mum of 3 boys and I always wonder what might have been. I've been advised against having more children so no DD for me.

    As corny as it sounds time does make it easier. I really struggled when I found out but these days it only crops up and hurts occasionally. Your situation would be different of course with your loss.

    Sorry I can't be of more help I wish you all the best with your new bub xx

  3. #3
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    I just wanted to give hugs. I am so sorry for your loss.

    Please be kind to yourself. I do think gender disappointment is similar to grief as well. I would suggest seeing a counselor to discuss it. It will take time but it does not make you a bad mother or person to feel this way xx

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    Mod-xkwzit  (20-11-2016)

  5. #4
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    Default Gender disappointment help

    Our daughter was my first pregnancy and she was stillborn as well. I have since had two boys and each time when I found out they were boys at my scans I have felt heartbroken, especially with the second as we were first told he was most likely a girl and then boy a few weeks later, combined with the fact that I knew he was most likely our last baby which means we will never have a living little girl to watch grow up. One of the reasons this upsets me so much isn't just because I want a little girl but also because, although another little girl wouldn't be a replacement for our daughter, I do feel she would be a tiny glimpse into maybe what our daughter would have been like, that is very bitter sweet but also devastating that we will now never get that chance. Ds2 is now 6 months old and I do still want a girl but I'm not as sad as I was when I first found out and every day I come more to terms with the fact that the baby we lost will probably always be our only daughter. Sometimes I think that makes her more special and I should cherish that but I do know how hard it is to come to terms with knowing not only will you never have a daughter but you had one and she was taken away. I promise you though, that while you are sad you will still love your new little boy, the gender disappointment won't change that or mean you won't bond with him. Big hugs, pm me if you need to. X

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    JustJaq  (20-11-2016)

  7. #5
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    So sorry for the loss of your baby girl. I can feel where your coming from. I have 2 boys, 1 is 9 the other is 4months. I've also lost 6 girls. 2 sets of twins and 2 singles. Don't get me wrong either I love my boys to bits but I would love a girl to dress up and do girly things with.

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    I have 3 boys. When I was pregnant with my last I had a gender scan and we didn't tell anyone the results. I needed time to accept that I wouldn't be having a girl. And I didn't think I could accept people saying 'isn't it a shame, 3 boys', at least after the baby arrives that are slightly more polite.

    I love my boys, just like you love yours, but there is always that feeling that I am missing something. I will never get to brush a little girl's hair, or buy twirly dresses or do mummy/daughter things.

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    Chippa  (21-11-2016)

  10. #7
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    Thankyou all for your replies! I didn't know what title to put but just want to clarify that I'm not disappointed it's a boy this time, more just wondering how I can cope without a girl.
    I'm almost due so I've known for a long time and we were also told he was a girl first which I think adds to how hard it is. I am beyond excited to meet my little boy and I know we already have a special bond.

    You all explain things and it's like I've written it because it's exactly how I feel! We haven't ruled out having another, I just know a girl isn't guaranteed and then I will still feel this way.

    I'm so sorry for all you ladies who have also had such terrible loss. I think it adds so much emotion to how hard this already is. I have no one to talk to who understands how over powering this need for a girl is, the moment I see a baby girl or hear someone is having one I go into shock and just don't cope.

    Thankyou for all the helpful advice ❤️ I'm glad I'm not the only person who feels this way xx

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    Chippa  (21-11-2016)


 

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