So I had my first antenatal appointment at the hospital for surprise baby #3. Turns out I scored quite high on the anxiety/depression survey and the midwife has referred me to the mental health nurse. I also disclosed my partner has been recently (last 6months) diagnosed with BPD, depression, anxiety and PTSD from military service.
After calculating my score on the test, the midwife then asked me if I have ever been involved with families SA (child welfare).
I have, my daughter was taken from my care after birth due to the relationship I was in with her father had extreme DV. They placed her under a 12month guardianship order, and as I immediately separated and moved back on with my parents I had primary care of my daughter for the duration of the order. So I cared for her daily but they had legal custody of her should I resume the relationship she would go into foster care. At about 6months I moved out on my own and worked very hard with the social worker to prove myself a good mother. I understand why it was done - but the emotional trauma left me with anxiety and PTSD. That was 7years ago.
I then had my son 5 years ago - general anxiety about giving birth and him being taken. Families SA was never mentioned. Nothing happened.
I am now beside myself anxious that I finally disclosed to someone that I'm not OK mentally - I think mainly from having to care for someone that has mental health problems alone for the last 12 months - that I am being punished and reported to families sa. I feel like anyone else can admit they aren't ok, but if I'm not ok I'm going to have to go through the **** with my daughter again and honestly I'm just not strong enough to cope with all that right now. My kids are loved, fed, clean, clothed. Never neglected or abused. Yes they have lived with their father/step-fathers mental illness and seen him upset/depressed/angry but it has never been at them or me, never have they or myself been physically or verbally attacked or abused.
I don't know what I'm wanting here - but just trying to get it out I guess. I wish I could turn back the clock and change it so I could be left alone.