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  1. #1
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    Default when to tell?

    Hi there,
    Me and my husband found out in August this year that IVF is the only way we will be able to have a baby due to his sperm count. I believe the words used were 'its not impossible but its less than a 1% chance per month'.
    We have now started our first step in this terrifying, expensive and confusing journey, I've been really lucky because a work collegue is currently pregnant through her first cycle of IVF which is more useful for questions than I could have ever imagined, great for bouncing ideas and comparing experiences with and gives me hope every time I see her.

    My main question is when does everyone choose to tell their family that they are going through IVF?
    Currently the only people that know are myself, husband and the girl at work. (Close family know we need IVF, but not that we have actually started.)
    Im worried that if I tell my family that I will lose my strength and crumble into a big blubbering mess. I have a phobia of needles and so far have managed (with the help of numbing cream so I dont feel them at all)

    I'm not looking for advice really, just more curious as to what other people did, and what felt right for them?

    Thanks for reading

    happy thoughts and good luck with your baby plans

  2. #2
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    We chose not to tell family beforehand as we didn't want the added pressure of being asking after every cycle if we were pregnant. DH's parents are also RC's and his mother in particular had made negative comments on IVF. She has since decided that IVF is ok but we haven't told her anything about DD origins and probably never will. All families are different though and yours might add more support than pressure.

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    nervous86  (24-10-2016)

  4. #3
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    It's such a personal thing. We have been on the IVF roller coaster for 3 years. At first we said nothing to anyone except those who needed to know (my sister and DH business partner.

    After so much challenge and heartache we have become more open with people. My colleagues often ask if we will try again for a baby and I will just say "we are currently doing more IVF. Or if I'm feeling very unwell due to medications I'll just say "all the IVF drugs are making me suck"

    I find this relaxed approached so much better. There is no huge secrets people know and understand I'm going through stuff. It's very refreshing to be honest.

    Having said that, it took our sons stillbirth and me nearly breaking down to reach this point.

  5. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to mummymaybe For This Useful Post:

    faithandhopellove  (24-10-2016),nervous86  (24-10-2016)

  6. #4
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    It such a hard thing to know when to tell people. I guess you've got to be ready for the 1000 questions that come with it. I've had some friends who haven't told family at all & I completely understand why.

    For us, I chose to tell family that we needed ivf but I never told them when I was having injections or procedures done. For me I just didn't want the extra pressure having to explain things if things didn't go to plan. For us we told family we needed ivf because we were so sick of everyone constantly asking when we were having babies. I then sort of kept them at a distance & when they would ask when we are starting it I'd say sometime in the next 6 months but nothings confirmed for now.

    If you do decide to let people know just be prepared for some insensitive comments (hopefully you won't get any!). It took me by surprise when I told some close friends & the reaction I got was 'who has the problem, you or him?'. Obviously I didnt talk to that friend again about it but at the same time I don't think they meant it how it came across.

    I had some beautiful friends who I did tell that were my support when going through it. They were there for the highs & lows & it helped me greatly to have someone to talk to about it.

    Good luck with it all.

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    faithandhopellove  (24-10-2016),nervous86  (24-10-2016)

  8. #5
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    Thank you sooooo much ladies for your replies! I was thinking of possibly telling people with later cycles should it not work mummymaybe. Just so people stop asking when are you having babies, etc etc. That question just frustrates me so much, and i get sick of making up lies for the answer, because 'we've been going at it like rabbits and nothing is happening because my husbands swimmers arent up to scratch' may come across the wrong way i think.
    anyway off for my day 11 scan with ?ER on wednesday.

    Thanks for the advice.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to nervous86 For This Useful Post:

    faithandhopellove  (24-10-2016)

  10. #6
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    Good luck @nervous86. I hope your scan goes well and you have heaps of eggs to collect.

    I'm having egg pickup today. So we can be cycle buddies

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    nervous86  (24-10-2016)

  12. #7
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    Good luck with epu ladies. We have finished with fresh cycles but have 3 frosties that we will try when bub gets a bit older.

  13. #8
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    Default bugger

    So, ****(ish) day today after my scan.
    I was told that I was at risk of OHSS, and given 2 options. Trigger tonight and may have 6 or 7 mature eggs, and transfer on Monday or... wait until Friday for collection and possibly get 15-20 eggs but transfer will have to be early next year. And the ER will have to be laproscopic for my right ovary :-( we are hopefully triggering tonight if my progesterone level is ok.

    What would you do?

  14. #9
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    @mummymaybe good luck with your pick up xx

  15. #10
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    @mummymaybe how did your ER go??
    I had mine today. My heads still fuzzy and incision sites are sore, but other than that I'm doing OK :-) hope you are too. Xx


 

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