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  1. #1
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    Default Sleep deprivation be gone!!

    Hi,
    I know sleep is a bit of a hot topic around here and like many more before me, I am officially at my wits' end.
    My 6 month old DS has never been the type of baby who could just be put down drowsy but awake, he's always needed help. He slept in his bassinet for the first month or so but getting up one to two hourly caught up with me and I started to co-sleep to survive. It got to the point where I have to lie with him even for naps. I am literally getting nothing done and I've seriously had enough. Otherwise he sleeps in the car or pram easily.
    I know all the things I'm supposed to do. Basically none of it can be done without my DS going bat sh!t crazy. If he's going to cry anyway, I'm not totally against controlled crying but I think I've been keeping it in my back pocket as a last resort. My fear is that I'll do it and it won't work. Is going from feeding to sleep and co-sleeping to cc too drastic a change? Or should I just rip off the band aid in one go? I don't necessarily need him to sleep through, I just can't do the hourly wake ups anymore.
    Im wanting to get a referral to sleep school. I guess what I want to know is, if you've been, which one did you go to and was it successful? I'm going to call whispers cottage and book in a 3 hour home visit first and if that fails, I'll ask for a residential stay somewhere.
    Please don't suggest things like putting a mattress on the floor, or no-cry methods, or continuing co-sleeping. I need him in his cot, I'm going mad!!!

  2. #2
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    I think you have made the decision already. You have reached the point where things need to change make a plan and stick to it. My first daughter I had to let her cry it out as when I went in there she would esculate my second daughter just keeps going and going but will settle if I sit there with her patting her although I don't do it for long if at all now she is 14 months and much better but still up once or twice. figure out what works for your baby and then stick with it the first few days will be rough but you need to give it a week or so to really work. Goodluck

  3. #3
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    Thanks @flowers21. I think my DS will be like your first daughter. He seems to go way more nuts when he sees me, shrieking because I won't pick him up. Do you remember how long she cried? Was it quicker than the going in and patting method? Cio seems so extreme but it may be more effective in my case with less crying.

  4. #4
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    The first time she cried for 40mins then I had a rule where if she went longer I would pick her up at first twice for a couple of weeks then once for another couple of weeks then I stopped all together. It does feel extreme and bit nasty but better in the long run my first daughter was rocked to sleep and my final straw was that she would wake up immediately after i put her down the first night I let her cry for 40mins I had tried to put her down 10 times and I had just had enough. I had a video monitor so could she she was ok and stopping and starting her crying so I knew she was settling. It definitely got easier after the first week or so

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    BB77  (20-10-2016)

  6. #5
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    Default Sleep deprivation be gone!!

    I personally wouldn't go straight from feeding to sleep to controlled crying. That's your call though. There's a whole range of things behind bub not sleeping easily that need to be ruled out first - otherwise any controlled crying could be in vain.

    1. Tiredness - maybe bub is too tired or not tired enough.
    what is bubs daily routine like? When is bub put down for naps? When is night bed time?

    2. Hungry
    Bub could be hungry
    - what is bubs milk feeds and solids intake like?

    3. Too cold (or warm)
    Many parents underestimate the amount of bedding needed to keep bub warm.
    - what is bub dressed in for bedtime? How many blankets? What material are they made from? What is the room temp?

    4. Sleep aids
    You're right in that feeding/cuddling to sleep in an older baby can really impact bubs ability to self settle and to sleep through. There's a range of things that can be done (before controlled crying) to slowly wean bub of being so reliant on you to fall asleep. For example:
    - have a cloth comforter. Use it at every sleep time (pram/bed/cot/car) and only at sleep time
    - try to follow: eat/play/sleep and not eat/play/eat/sleep. The closer a feed is to bedtime the higher the chances bub will use that feed as a sleep aid. If you don't want to go cold turkey with the before bed feed try bolstering the initial feed when bub wakes) or try a feed 1/2 hour before bedtime and then just give a quick 2 minute top up at bedtime.
    - if you use a dummy try and wriggle it out of bubs mouth when bub is very drowsy but not asleep. Then when you can, ditch the dummy for good.
    - instead of patting it cuddling to sleep try a shush/pat technique that you wind back and stop altogether just before bub falls asleep. Happy to expand on this if you would like further details.
    - never transfer bub after bub falls asleep. Always try and get bub to sleep in he place you want them to sleep (cot/pram).

    In short if you want bub to sleep through without you needing to be there you need to ensure the sleep environment (location/food/music/pats/dummy/temp) is the same from when you put bub to sleep until when you would like bub to wake. If something is different bub will stir between cycles and think "wtf! Where is my boob/music/blankie! etc. then it's all over red rover. For this reason many parents choose to use aids that don't require parental intervention in the night to maintain (cloth comforter etc).

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    BB77  (21-10-2016)

  8. #6
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    I'm not judging, and each parents needs to make their own decision regarding the choices of their children. I just want your decision to be an informed one. Have you read up on the detrimental effects of cc or cio? I won't detail them here and annoy everyone, but can elaborate and cite references for you to look at if you wish.

    Everything you have described is exactly us, I feel like I could have written every word. I hope you have more luck than us xx

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    AdornedWithCats  (21-10-2016),BB77  (21-10-2016),BettyV  (21-10-2016),binnielici  (21-10-2016),Rose&Aurelia&Hannah  (21-10-2016)

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    No judgement but if this is the path you want to take please listen to @VicPark and check all the issues she listed to see if that makes a difference first.

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  12. #8
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    Thanks @VicPark for your great advice. Right now it's pretty much:
    6:30/7 wake up/bf
    8:00 cereal and fruit
    9:00-10:30 sleep
    11:00 bf
    12:30-2:00 sleep
    2:00 bf
    3:00 veg or meat/veg
    4:00-4:40 sleep (depending on other naps)
    5:00 bf
    7:30 bath/bottle of formula
    8:00 sleep

    Having said all that, I think factors such as food/warmth etc are ok. I know the problem is that I lie with him and bf him to sleep, if only for 5 mins. He's basically using me as a dummy (but won't take a regular one). Then when he wakes up after each cycle he thrashes and squirms and cries until I stick my boob in his mouth. Sucks for a few minutes, sleep. Repeat cycle all night and I nearly ran someone over on a pedestrian crossing this morning.
    I don't really want to cio, I think that's why I haven't just done it yet. But I know that if I put him in his cot and pat/shush he'll cry anyway, and loudly. Very intense personality. Do you think patting until he falls asleep (even if it is takes agggges) with him crying is better than just leaving him to it? And he'll get the idea eventually?Cos at this point he doesn't even know that the cot is for sleeping.
    Waking all night can't be good for him either. My poor dh is alone in our king bed.

  13. #9
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    Hi OP, my DD has been very similar - co-sleeping and typically waking every 45-90 minutes overnight for most of her life (she's now 10 months). She's very clingy to me throughout the day which started after she became very unwell and needed a hospital stay. At 8 months I was a complete mess and we hired a sleep consultant. I prefer more gentle methods given my parenting style, what worked with my older DS, and her anxious temperament, but while the consultant visited she suggested that DD was tired and to pop her in her cot and we would leave for 2 mins. Within 90 seconds she had become so distressed she vomited. We tried for two weeks to get her back in the cot - not for sleep but just for happy play time, toys, curtains open etc - but she screamed every single time. We had no chance of getting her in there to sleep.
    I saw a different sleep specialist then (have a look at the Possums Clinic) and whilst we are still co-sleeping for now she is only waking once per night and has at least one nap per day without me next to her. I still feed to sleep. This was achieved by looking at her need for sleep and stimulation in a different way (turns out she needs much less sleep in naps than the typical guidelines out there!). Now that I'm getting more sleep I feel much more equipped to address the co-sleeping issue although I'm not feeling as rushed now as this is currently working ok for us.
    I guess I'm telling you this in case your bub is like mine and just can't handle cc/cio. There are some other options if it doesn't work for you. I understand the sleep deprivation - I was barely functioning - so I hope you find something that works.

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  15. #10
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    @misstrouble your poor dd, that sounds awful! I reckon even my clinger could make it past 90 seconds, not by much though.
    How'd you get her down to only one night waking? Just by tweaking her routine? Or did you have to stop feeding her every time she woke?


 

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