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  1. #11
    harvs's Avatar
    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    Hey lovely, great big hugs and much love to you. I've been where you are, more than once in fact. It's so, so hard to live with depression. Its also hard to live with someone you love who has depression.

    There's no simple answer, but I'm sending you courage to have some tough conversations.

    I don't know if this helps, but this is a post written by one of my closest friends. It could be something that speaks to another male? It's long, but worth the read I think.

    http://www.inklingwomen.com.au/2011/10/depression/

  2. #12
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    Hey Nomsie. I don't have the answers just wanted to add that a friend once gave advice to a mutual friend in a similar situation. Make sure *both* parties build a support network around them (friends, doctor, specialist, therapist etc). Lack of a support network (especially for the partner picking up the pieces) can lead to things going pear shaped.

    Xxx

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    No advice other than what pp's have said, but just wanted to send you some great big internet hugs xo

  4. #14
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    It's so frustrating! If he was physically ill or injured he'd want help but getting help for a mental illness still has such a stigma

    I tried so many things with my ex to get him help - I bought books and left them by his computer, I made appointments he never went to, I changed his diet, I gave him natural supplements, I begged him for the sake of our son, our marriage and his own health and you know what? He refused it all. Since we've separated he's now admitted he liked being depressed as it gave him an excuse for everything. His moodiness "oh I'm depressed - I can't help it" . His anger "I'm not well". His abuse "I don't know what I'm doing "

    So no advice on how to help, but I guess a little warning- don't put up with what I did!

  5. #15
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    Okay Noms, I’ll try and give you some guidance here – I’m far from an expert on depression, but my DH has suffered from it periodically so I can give you some perspective from my position.

    Firstly, do you have an idea why he has become so depressed? Does he hate his job? Are there issues with extended family that are causing him grief? I feel like when my DH has been really down, it’s usually triggered by something or a combination of things. I think a lot of men slip into depression when they feel like their problems are out of their control – it can be if they feel trapped in a job they hate, if they feel financially overwhelmed, if they’re under enormous pressure, if they feel useless, or if they feel unfulfilled in some way.

    The fact that he will not seek help makes it hard, however usually when my DH has a bout of depression (it can last a few days or a few weeks if it’s bad), he is also reluctant to seek help. He is however able to pull himself out of it.

    Here are some strategies I use:

    • Reassure him that I’m here for him. Ask him if there’s anything I can do to make him feel better. This could be something simple like buying him a fancy beer or encouraging him to do something he likes (walk on the beach, going to the cinema). I also try and get him to open up about why he feels so overwhelmed and offer solutions to his concerns.

    • Keep home life as calm as possible.

    • Picking the right moment to talk him through things. If he’s really in an awful place (laying down in bed), me going in and saying “you really need to seek some help” is not the right time. Pick a moment where he seems to have more clarity.

    • Be honest but still sensitive when letting him know you and the kids are being effected by his depression. He does need to know this, as if he won’t do it for himself you want him to do it for his family.

    If I was in your position I would start by asking him if he’s willing to look at some online resources (as mentioned previously in this thread). Let him know you just love him and want him to be happy again. You have a beautiful little family which he should be enjoying.

    Also, I just want to add that whilst I am supportive of my DH when he’s down, I will not put up with DS or I being snapped at or spoken to rudely. Being there for him doesn’t mean taking sh!t when it’s unwarranted.

  6. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Mod-Degrassi For This Useful Post:

    Little Miss Sunshine  (18-10-2016),Mod-Nomsie  (18-10-2016)

  7. #16
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    Big hugs. Caring for someone with depression is really tough. There have been some great suggestions in previous posts.

    I'd suggest having a read of the following document - Mental Health First Aid guidelines for supporting someone with depression. Has some really good suggestions for how you can broach the subject and assist your DH in seeking help. https://mhfa.com.au/sites/default/fi...es_A4_2012.pdf

    This next document might be useful for your hubby to look at after he's agreed to seek help (or indicated he may be willing). It's a review published by Beyond Blue of all the available treatments for depression, and an easy to follow rating system which shows how effective research has shown these to be: http://resources.beyondblue.org.au/p...?token=BL/0556

    If you can get your DH to at least explore the possibility of treatment, your GP is the best first step. They can complete a Mental Health Care Plan and refer you to a psychologist. You can self-refer to a psychologist too, but going through your GP means you will be eligible for a partial Medicare rebate for six sessions (with possible extension to 10) per year. http://www.health.gov.au/internet/ma...al-ba-fact-pat
    Depending on your level of cover, you may also be able to claim from your private health insurance as well if he requires more sessions. There are also state-funded mental health programs but these can be difficult to access/long wait lists so often going private is the better option, if you can afford it.

    You can also be referred to whoever your GP likes, or you can choose your own, if you go private. The Australian Psychological Society has a great 'Find A Psychologist' section on their website: http://www.psychology.org.au/FaP/

    Good luck - I hope this info is helpful

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    Mod-Nomsie  (18-10-2016)

  9. #17
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    Default I think my DH is depressed

    Also want to add re medication - it can take 6-8 weeks for the meds to start working, which can be really disheartening if the person taking them is expecting them to work like panadol....then in addition it can take awhile to find the right medication fit (no easy way to tell if a medication will be the right one unfortunately) so the whole process can take a long time. But when you find the right medication, it's taken correctly and in conjunction with effective therapy, it's worth it.

    And just another note on therapy - there are many types of effective therapy. IMO it's not so much the type of therapy that is important (though it definitely does play a role) but how much a client clicks with their psych is a much bigger factor. So to that end - if your DH sees someone and just doesn't click with them, find someone else. Don't waste your medicare sessions on ineffective therapy.

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to besha For This Useful Post:

    Mod-Nomsie  (18-10-2016)


 

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