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  1. #1
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    Default what ways do you bond with your 15 year old daughter what activities do you share pls

    I'd love to know please what ways do you bond with your 15 year old daughter and what activities do you share pls that you feel bring you closer
    what words you say that make her feel cared about or closer to you.
    how you handle arguments in a way that they feel heard and loved even if you have certain requests or expectations of them. how you bond and feel closer and keep a strong relationship with them.
    thank you.

  2. #2
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    Hi Sylvia, I don't have any 15 year olds but I once was one I only argued with my mum as a 15 year old because I was dealing with some serious issues (victim of child sexual abuse) and was angry at everyone. However, my mum was not a loving supportive person, so we never had a good base or foundation to begin with. I think sometimes as a 15 year old you are wanting your own space more and more. It's natural and healthy. But they do need to feel loved and supported . May I suggest you writing a letter to your child, but please, please do not write about anything negative eg, "I'm sad you don't want to talk to me", or anything else that will make your child feel shame or guilt. Bad mistake! You will only push your 15 year old further away. Just LOTS of love and praise good luck

  3. #3
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    I don't have a 15 year old daughter either but I've worked with a lot of teenage girls over the years I think for the most part they just want to feel heard and valued by their parents - so it's not so much what you say, but what you do. Regular coffee dates can be a nice thing, so you can have some time together to just talk and not be distracted by other stuff at home. Ask about school, friends, talk about her interests - just asking about these things will show you care and help your relationship grow. Before giving advice, check if they want it - sometimes parents giving a lot of unsolicited advice can be interpreted as interfering/telling them what to do. My job is essentially to give advice (I'm a school psychologist) and more often than not I don't say anything incredibly groundbreaking or even particularly different to what parents would say but because I'm not their parent and (more importantly I think) because the kids have asked for the advice it's generally well received.

    As for arguments - they happen. Wait until you are both calm and try again. I think if you fully explain the rationale behind a decision, most 15 year olds will get it - even if they don't like it. Or you can negotiate for an alternative outcome you are both happy with. Try to stick to "I feel abc when xyz happens" type statements rather than "you make me so....." type statements.

    15 is a tricky age. They think they are so grown up, but we know they really aren't! I think the key is really to treat them like an adult as much as possible, and by this I don't mean let her do whatever she wants whenever she wants but take more like a line manager approach...so you still have final say but you can discuss and negotiate things and how she gets herself to that end point is up to her (within the appropriate boundaries of course!). Does that make sense?

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    Thinking back to being a teenager I loved doing stuff just mum and I. We would go for drives just because. We baked and sewed together.

    I loved it when she let me plan things and make changes to our family routine. Not big changes but she let me make some changes to the way we cooked and what we ate.

    I hated when she 'tiptoed' around things. She probably thought she was doing the right thing but it was embarrassing to have a mum who seemed embarrassed by periods, sanitary pads and tampons.

  5. #5
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    I also don't have a 15 year old, but at that age I would have loved my Mum to have been interested in my life.

    I would have enjoyed things like going for a walk just the two of us, or maybe a coffee date. I would have liked it if she asked about and seemed genuinely interested in school, my friends, boys etc.

    In terms of arguing, I definitely argued a lot with my Mum, but I think the outcome of those arguments would have been a lot better if she had listened to my viewpoint and not just turned the whole thing into emotional blackmail (e.g saying things like, "I don't know what I ever did so wrong to deserve a child like you"). Also, I would have liked it if her reflex wasn't always to suspect the worst of me.

    I don't think there are any magic words you can use to communicate how much you care for her, but I think you can show her through the way you interact with her. Basically I would recommend being genuinely interested in her, respecting her and not shaming or mocking her, and just generally being available to her when she needs you.

    Hope that helps x

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    I started taking DD1 (now 15) with me running a couple of days a week when she gave up team sports so she was doing some kind of physical activity. The totally unforeseen side benefit is that she talks to me about all sorts of things. I think she talks to keep me walking and not running, but I don't even care.

    We don't argue much, just normal teenage crazy hormones making everything the worst thing ever. She's always been pretty easygoing though.

    Now I have to think of a similar trick with DD2, I'm not sure that the running will work twice

    Cheers

  7. #7
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    I haven't got a 15 year old daughter yet (not for another three years yet) but i used to be a teenager once so....lol

    Um
    What does she enjoy doing?

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    As a teen i didnt have a mum around but things i would of liked doing is mum-daughter dates. That woukd of been great

  9. #9
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    I have a 13yo...I make sure I take an interest in her sport and am an involved mum..we spend a lot of time together just going to sporting events! I also at every opportunity when her brothers aren't at home go out to dinner/lunch/coffee together. I make an effort to have a "Mum" relationship with her friends...
    We also watch lots of abc/sbs type docos together - they open up all sorts of interesting conversations! !

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  11. #10
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    I think the above make great points, I wish I had them in mind when going through the teenage years ... my daughter is now 19 and is still definitely a "teen" ... lol

    Going through a divorce when she was 8 didn't help. My ex was not hands-on and I struggled to work, look after the household and still be there as a parent. If I could turn back the clock, I would make sure I started the whole encouragement thing way back from when they were young, as I do now with my 4-year old. Like "Wow, you were so patient to wait for me to finish on the computer...."
    "You are so lovely, you are the best lovely boy!"

    Just lots of basic encouragement and praise like that.

    As it is, we are now very much a "buddy" relationship, she treats me more as a friend most of the time (reflected in the way she talks to me .... which isn't always ideal) but the upside is she can talk to me about almost anything - drugs, conception etc .... it always has a light, jokey-tone but I try and make sure my opinion comes through.

    She started playing volleyball with me when she was around 13, so she's been playing for 6 years so that gives us common ground.

    I would say - try and take an interest in her interests. You don't have to like everything lol, but even just say - hey I like that song. Who sings that -

    Go shopping with her. Movies.

    Encourage her in lots of ways - by showing your own values. How do you feel about poverty and starving kids in Africa/North Korea etc. Tell her about something that you saw/heard - how did it make you feel. I tell her how much I want to go overseas and volunteer and I think some of it will rub off.


 

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