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  1. #11
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    Just wondering whether any of the behaviour coincides with being hungry or tired? My kids are terrible when tired or hungry. It completely overwhelms them and they get angry, teary and destructive.

    Feed them little and often and look at her sleep patterns. She may still need some quiet time after lunch.

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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by tjbliss View Post
    This is a rant/needing advice because I can't deal anymore..

    I have a 4 year old little girl. Was once so respectful and helpful and nice. Seemed she never had a bad bone in her body. Now she's the complete opposite.

    She is so so disrespectful, ungrateful and nasty... it hurts my feelings so bad when she says stuff it makes my insides go weak. I can't even stand up for myself that's how much it shocks me, but then she thinks she's won. I can't be nasty to her. I do things to discipline her and I feel guilty straight away and most the time have to just leave it at whatever I've said and walk away before I cry of guilt.

    She won't clean her room, she has a galaxy tab A and she takes pictures of the house we live in and says it's messy and she's going to show people (it's not messy, I'm borderline OCD, the only room that's messy is the room she messes up on a daily basis and not just toys, she rips all her clothes out, all her books out, takes her hangers out of her cupboards, her stepdad builds Lego with her as a bonding kind of activity and she smashes all that up, she has paper everywhere, piles of junk mail & she loses it if I try To bin any of it.), she cut her own hair the other day and tried to hide it from me but she also cut her favourite teddies fur and the hair off of her my little pony doll (to which I have confiscated ALL her toys until she has respect for them) which she lost it over that too and said she doesn't want to live here because I'm nasty and she doesn't get to tell me what to do so why should I tell her what to do, she tells my partner to not go to my room with me, he finishes work and we go to the room and sit on the bed and talk about his day- I personally believe it's important for us to have that talk each day as he knows I care about him and i am interested in him and his life and I still support him even though in 10 minutes we won't spend time together again until we all sit at the dinner table. Today my daughter was riding her my little pony scooter and she walked up to me and said why didn't santa bring me what I asked for I hate this scooter it's disgusting and I don't like it he should have bought me a better one. That ripped my heart out I pay lay-bys for months to buy things for her that I think she will enjoy and that she says she wants and then boom she hates it thanks for that. She also said she hates our house because it has 2 bathrooms and she'd much prefer a house with 1 bathroom- just like nannies. She doesn't realise how lucky she is to have her own bathroom, a $400 tablet, brand new bedroom furniture, toys that no one else has used. Everything she has, has only being hers from day one. I had a completely different upbringing and wanted my child/ren to have a different life to what I had.

    The things I've been doing for discipline are as follows;

    1. Stern warning.
    2. Timeout for 4 mins.
    3. A smack.
    4. Sit in your room for 8 mins.
    5. Take away an item that she cherishes usually her galaxy tab.

    It's so hard to deal with all this my family have stopped speaking to me, and it's stressful because I have no one who I can ask to just watch her for 2 hours while I get on top of the laundry or vacuum the floors. I have had a breakdown where we just got dominoes for dinner and we were walking out the shop I had her in my arms because she had no shoes on, I was holding the coke bottle and she tried to yank it from my hands I held on and stepped down a gutter and she yanked again I lost balance and fell a*s over tit in public with her in my hands all cause she was trying to boss me about and take the coke off of me. I lost it in the car cried my eyes out because I was embarrassed and ashamed that my child just treats me like crap no matter where we are! She constantly tells me off. Someone please help. I need her to respect me again
    I don't punish my kids for any of that stuff.
    With the hair cutting. Its her hair. It will grow back. With her toys they're her toys. You can talk to her how it makes you feel. You can stop buying new things. Buy from op shops.
    With her not wearing shoes that time could she have walked?

    She obviously has a lot going on in her mind. Any changes to her life lately? Are her needs being met? Her needs are just as important as yours. Is she tired, overwhelned? Children often don't know how to tell us when theyre frustrated etc.
    Listen to her. Stay calm. Its hard times.

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  5. #13
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    Default Somebody please help. No bashing.

    .
    Last edited by Louise41; 13-10-2016 at 13:21.

  6. #14
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    It sounds like she has a lot going on at the moment. 4 is a hard age at the best of times, but sounds like there might be some other stuff going on.

    I'd look into something like Tripe P as another poster mentioned, or check out Maggie Dent. She's more focused towards boys I think, but she has some great gentle techniques of dealing with certain behavioural types.

    Also, have a chat to your child health nurse, they're a great source of support and advice. Or your GP.

    Is she at school yet? If so, chat to her teacher and see what she's like there, have there been any issues etc.

    Hang in there, it sounds like it's hard work at the moment but these things can all be worked through.

  7. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by tjbliss View Post
    This is a rant/needing advice because I can't deal anymore..

    I have a 4 year old little girl. Was once so respectful and helpful and nice. Seemed she never had a bad bone in her body. Now she's the complete opposite.

    She is so so disrespectful, ungrateful and nasty... it hurts my feelings so bad when she says stuff it makes my insides go weak. I can't even stand up for myself that's how much it shocks me, but then she thinks she's won. I can't be nasty to her. I do things to discipline her and I feel guilty straight away and most the time have to just leave it at whatever I've said and walk away before I cry of guilt.

    She won't clean her room, she has a galaxy tab A and she takes pictures of the house we live in and says it's messy and she's going to show people (it's not messy, I'm borderline OCD, the only room that's messy is the room she messes up on a daily basis and not just toys, she rips all her clothes out, all her books out, takes her hangers out of her cupboards, her stepdad builds Lego with her as a bonding kind of activity and she smashes all that up, she has paper everywhere, piles of junk mail & she loses it if I try To bin any of it.), she cut her own hair the other day and tried to hide it from me but she also cut her favourite teddies fur and the hair off of her my little pony doll (to which I have confiscated ALL her toys until she has respect for them) which she lost it over that too and said she doesn't want to live here because I'm nasty and she doesn't get to tell me what to do so why should I tell her what to do, she tells my partner to not go to my room with me, he finishes work and we go to the room and sit on the bed and talk about his day- I personally believe it's important for us to have that talk each day as he knows I care about him and i am interested in him and his life and I still support him even though in 10 minutes we won't spend time together again until we all sit at the dinner table. Today my daughter was riding her my little pony scooter and she walked up to me and said why didn't santa bring me what I asked for I hate this scooter it's disgusting and I don't like it he should have bought me a better one. That ripped my heart out I pay lay-bys for months to buy things for her that I think she will enjoy and that she says she wants and then boom she hates it thanks for that. She also said she hates our house because it has 2 bathrooms and she'd much prefer a house with 1 bathroom- just like nannies. She doesn't realise how lucky she is to have her own bathroom, a $400 tablet, brand new bedroom furniture, toys that no one else has used. Everything she has, has only being hers from day one. I had a completely different upbringing and wanted my child/ren to have a different life to what I had.

    The things I've been doing for discipline are as follows;

    1. Stern warning.
    2. Timeout for 4 mins.
    3. A smack.
    4. Sit in your room for 8 mins.
    5. Take away an item that she cherishes usually her galaxy tab.

    It's so hard to deal with all this my family have stopped speaking to me, and it's stressful because I have no one who I can ask to just watch her for 2 hours while I get on top of the laundry or vacuum the floors. I have had a breakdown where we just got dominoes for dinner and we were walking out the shop I had her in my arms because she had no shoes on, I was holding the coke bottle and she tried to yank it from my hands I held on and stepped down a gutter and she yanked again I lost balance and fell a*s over tit in public with her in my hands all cause she was trying to boss me about and take the coke off of me. I lost it in the car cried my eyes out because I was embarrassed and ashamed that my child just treats me like crap no matter where we are! She constantly tells me off. Someone please help. I need her to respect me again
    I don't punish my kids for any of that stuff.
    With the hair cutting. Its her hair. It will grow back. With her toys they're her toys. You can talk to her how it makes you feel. You can stop buying new things. Buy from op shops.
    With her not wearing shoes that time could she have walked?

    She obviously has a lot going on in her mind. Any changes to her life lately? Are her needs being met? Her needs are just as important as yours. Is she tired, overwhelned? Children often don't know how to tell us when theyre frustrated etc.
    Listen to her. Stay calm. Its hard times.

  8. #16
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    I personally think at 4 , children should start learning to respect their family and possessions and be aware that certain behaviours have consequences

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  10. #17
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    She doesn't sound 'naughty', she sounds like somethings bothering her and she doesn't know how to get your attention.

    Is she jealous that you spend time with your partner? Did she used to live with nanna before your partner came along? Do you spend much time with her?

    Don't feel guilty for disciplining (for lack of a better word) her. You don't need to be horrible, but sometimes as a parent you need to be stern. I have 3 boys and I'm stern most of the time because otherwise they'd walk all over me! So, stick to your guns about expected behaviours and reward her for hood behaviour.

    It's not about being mean, it's about teaching respect and humility. In our family we say we are trying to achieve 'goodness and kindness'.

    Ps, I cut my dolls hair too when I was little, but it was because I wanted to be a hairdresser, and also because I didn't have anyone to play with.

    Keep trying, and best of luck to you xx

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  12. #18
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    I'm really sorry you're struggling. My DS can be a bit like this sometimes (plus much more) and I've recently been told by a psychologist it's a behaviour problem. It was hard to hear though because it's then something we're doing wrong that's causing it despite being quite firm. we are going to do triple P to attempt to improve his behaviour. Have you looked into that? Can you talk to a parenting professional for support?

  13. #19
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    Default Somebody please help. No bashing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Louise41 View Post
    I personally think at 4 , children should start learning to respect their family and possessions and be aware that certain behaviours have consequences
    Children can't learn this on their own - they have to be guided by their parents. Cracking the whip doesn't always = learning.

    Learning = parent setting example + underlying issues addressed + age appropriate explanations + rewards + consequences

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  15. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unschooling4 View Post
    I don't punish my kids for any of that stuff.
    With the hair cutting. Its her hair. It will grow back. With her toys they're her toys. You can talk to her how it makes you feel. You can stop buying new things. Buy from op shops.
    With her not wearing shoes that time could she have walked?

    She obviously has a lot going on in her mind. Any changes to her life lately? Are her needs being met? Her needs are just as important as yours. Is she tired, overwhelned? Children often don't know how to tell us when theyre frustrated etc.
    Listen to her. Stay calm. Its hard times.
    Unschooling I know you've copped a bit of flack lately however I think there is a lot of wisdom in your advice.

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